Building Self Confidence Blog
21Sep/130

60 Seconds to Confidence #34 Confidently Dealing with Feedback

Success Tips for ManagersHave you ever been involved in an enjoyable and successful social or work event only to discover later that your flies were undone or you had a green sliver of spinach on your front tooth or that you had committed some other faux pas? Don’t you wish someone had discreetly mentioned it to you so that you could have done something about it? Aaaagh!

But the consequence of the lack of confidence to speak up in that situation is minor compared to the havoc that can be created in work and personal relationships when people refrain from giving constructive feedback to the person who needs to hear it. I’ve seen marriages destroyed and work teams paralysed because of it.

I remember working with an assistant manager whose attempts to motivate the team triggered the team members into feeling like they were back at school. The team members muttered about him behind his back and eventually complained to his manager. They lacked the confidence to deal with the assistant manager directly. The manager agreed to champion their cause and represent their grievances to the assistant manager.

The manager would not tell the assistant manager which team members had given him the feedback.

The assistant manager felt annoyed that only one side of the story had been explored. So his attention turned to how unfairly he had been treated rather than to the original issue.

That’s understandable – I’d certainly prefer people to bring issues to me…constructively…rather than complain about me behind my back to others. I’d want people to be open to hearing why I did what I did or thought what I thought, just to find out if there’s another perspective. Wouldn’t you?

Of course, my part of the bargain would be to receive feedback contructively too and make it easy for people to talk to me.

You can understand the team members taking the back door route, can’t you? They felt they didn’t have the positional power to be honest. They feared reprisals. But their actions fostered a culture of back-biting which could come back to bite them.

You can understand the manager, too. It’s easy to get sucked into riding to the rescue when you hear only one side of the story, especially if the story confirms your own prejudices.

But…the manager missed the fantastic opportunity to get everyone together to create a situation where:

  • everyone could explore, and take responsibility for, their part in creating the situation in the first place and feel empowered to remedy it confidently and skilfully in future
  • a win-win outcome could be mediated
  • lessons about creating effective, mature and adult work relationships could have been learned

So here are 3 tips to try:

  • Receive feedback with curiosity
  • Give feedback with curiosity
  • When someone moans about someone else, guide them to a more confident and skilled strategy for resolving those issues

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWhat extra confident and skilful steps could you take in your work and personal life to turn complaints into :)?

Warm wishes

Madeleine

 

1-2-1 Complimentary Coaching Discovery Session

If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have 1 complimentary space for  a 1-2-1 'Confident Life' Discovery Session this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.uk

Useful Links

·       Free Confidence ecourse

·       Free success tips for professionals, managers and owner managers

·       Personal, career and business coaching and training courses for professionals, managers and business owners

 

7Sep/130

60 Seconds to Confidence Tip #32 Testing Your Communication Style

Success Tips for Managers

 

Did you know that surveys show most people think they are good at communicating…and that most other people are not?

The maths doesn’t add up, does it? So there must be many delusional communicators in the world. 🙂

How can you tell if you’re one of them…or not?

There’s a useful and challenging assumption master communicators live by: ‘The meaning of the communication is the response you get.’ In other words, it’s no good saying, ‘You didn’t listen…’ or ‘What I said was…’ when someone seems to have misunderstood you. Their response is a reflection of what you actually communicated to them. (Unless they really are trying to wind you up.)

So, one clue to whether you need to be more flexible in your communication style is the number of times a week you find yourself aghast, perhaps even pulling your hair out, because you thought you’d explained clearly to your partner, colleague or client but they misunderstood what intended to communicate. How many times is that for you?

Another clue is: do you get the outcomes you want from your family conversations, team meetings, sales meetings and presentations?

And finally the acid test… if you asked your family members, friends, colleagues, clients and suppliers about how well you communicate, what would they say?

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorSo how are you doing as a communicator?

What do you need to change to get better results in your personal, career and business life?

Warm wishes
Madeleine

 

1-2-1 Complimentary Coaching Discovery Session

If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have 1 complimentary space for 1-2-1 Discovery Session this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.ukor click on this link: http://www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk/contact/

Madeleine Morgan

Confidence and Life Coach

Cambridge CB4 1LN, UK

 

7Mar/12Off

How to Forgive, So That You Can Be Free

Holding onto a grudge can be very human but also very life destroying. If you feel someone has wronged you it's important to forgive them so that you can be free! When you can forgive people you can feel confident in your relationships and happier in yourself.

I like this forgiveness story:

STONE

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING

THROUGH THE DESERT .

DURING SOME POINT OF THE

JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN

ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND

SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE

IN THE FACE

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED

WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT

SAYING ANYTHING,

WROTE IN THE SAND ,

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND

SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE .

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,

UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,

WHERE THEY DECIDED

TO TAKE A BATH.

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN

SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE

MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,

BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM

THE NEAR DROWNING,

HE WROTE

ON A STONE:

'TODAY MY BEST FRIEND

SAVED MY LIFE'

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED

AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND

ASKED HIM, 'AFTER I HURT YOU,

YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,

YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?'

THE FRIEND REPLIED

'WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US

WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN

IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF

FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.

BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,

WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE

WHERE NO WIND

CAN EVER ERASE IT'

LEARN TO WRITE

YOUR HURTS IN

THE SAND AND TO

CARVE YOUR

BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A

MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL

PERSON,

AN HOUR TO

APPRECIATE THEM,

A DAY

TO LOVE THEM,

BUT THEN ,

AN ENTIRE LIFE

TO FORGET THEM.

 SHOW THIS TO

THE PEOPLE YOU'LL NEVER

FORGET.

Maybe you feel you've been hurt too badly to be able to forgive someone or logically you know you should forgive them but your heart won't let them off the hook. Ask yourself, what would it take for me to forgive them?

If you can't come up with any answers, consider getting coaching on the issue so that you can move forward freely and enjoy your life to the full.

Madeleine Morgan The Confidence Coach

The Confidence Life Coach

Warm wishes

Madeleine

Madeleine Morgan

mm@buildingselfconfidence.co..uk

www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk

persuasive writing
12Jun/11Off

Confidence at Work – Recession Proofing Your Career or Your Business

When you know how to recession proof your wealth creation - whether you have a career or a business - it can be a great source of confidence. Here are some ideas to help you protect your income in difficult times.

Have you ever wondered why companies choose to make workers redundant rather than cut salaries? After all, it doesn't seem to make sense to get rid of the people they've invested in recruiting and  training when, if they keep those people employed, the company will have the talent to take advantage of rising demand when we pull out of the recession. Why not renegotiate the salaries and keep their team employed? That would also be a better outcome for employees and their families than facing redundancy.

Well studies show that employees' morale goes down when their salaries are cut and they respond by working less. Many people live up to and beyond their salaries so a general salary cut would also spread  misery. Business owners and managerment teams use redundancies to get rid of people who are not pulling their weight or who are destroying team morale. So employers prefer a small number of employees to be miserable by making them redundant than by upsetting the majority. Studies also show that redundancies boost the productivity of of the employees who remain because they are more motivated to prove their value. Apparently most workers would rather keep their salaries than save their colleagues.

What if there was a better way forward where employees and employers could win? I've got some recession surviving and thriving tips for you whether you are an  employer or an employee.

First of all, here are 5 secrets for recession proofing your career if you want to avoid redundancy, stay employed and thrive in difficult times:

  1. Whatever expertise you have and whatever industry you're working in, look out of niches. What I mean by that is      areas where there is a lot of demand for people with skills, knowledge and experience and few people who have it. For instance, with one of my clients we identified that her company in the pharmaceutical industry was losing business because nobody was really skilled at putting effective teams together to bid for certain projects.  I shared with her some useful skills and she soon started to earn more bonuses for extra business the company gained. She was also able to fast track her career and later got promoted from business development manager to director of business development.
  2. Recession Proof Your Career: Use Social Media tools like Linkedin to help you  get known for that expertise - it's free! If you don't know how to use Social Media for promoting yourself click here.
  3. Successful people take charge of their  personal development - emotional intelligence and great communication skills can give you an edge over your more your difficult or less communicative colleagues. There's a saying that we get hired for our technical/professional skills and fired for our communication skills!
  4. Take up every course opportunity related to your professional and personal development that your company offers you. When you gain more knowledge and skill it's like putting money in your bank account. Training is a valuable perk in your employment package.
  5. Then, create a personal development budget to fill in the  gaps especially, if your company doesn't provide training. Private Life, Career and Executive Coaching is a great 21st century resource. It gives you the opportunity to talk about and get skilled in handling challenges you may not be able to talk about, or get the personal attention you need, at work. Life, Career or Executive coaching can help you get more clarity, focus and direction on how to:

3 tips for Managers and Business Owners to help you survive and thrive in the recession:

  1. Focus on building your team's morale to increase productivity and help you keep your talented people. I'm not talking about fixing up expensive outward bound team away days that are difficult to measure in terms of return on investment. I'm talking about the more every day things.
  2. For instance, make sure that when someone does a good job they get the recognition they deserve and everyone hears about it. Weed out team leaders who make their team's life hell because of their poor leadership skills. If you want to keep them, give them 1-2-1 coaching with a coach who is skilled at changing people's attitude - it's 80% more effective than training in getting results.
  3. Positvely and inspirationally engage your whole workforce in the task of helping your company to thrive rather than deciding things in high level meetings and handing down the bad news. A business owner I coached created weekly meetings where his team expressed their achievements, discussed their ideas for recession-proofing the business and brought referrals they had gained from tapping into their networks. Morale and productivity went up and the business owner tapped into resources in his team he didn't know were there before. For instance, his whole team, in effect, became his sales force and business development team because everyone was more aware of their potential to grow the business.

They say obstacles arise when we take our eyes off our goals. Let's keep focussed on creating a rewarding present and future.

I wish you health, wealth and happiness

Warm wishes

Madeleine

Madeleine Morgan uses NLP, coaching, personality profiling and training skills to help professionals, managers and business owners to create more rewarding lives, careers and businesses.

She is based in Cambridge UK and works locally, nationally and internationally in companies and at her coaching practice, face-to-face, over the telephone and on Skype.

She has over 20 years coaching and training experience and has worked with corporates, charities, SMEs and government organisations as well as 953 private clients who are mangers, professionals or business owners.

I like to reward action, so if you take the action to contact me I'll offer you a free no obligation Discovery Session to help you clarify where you are now, where you'd like to be and how to bridge the gap.

madeleine@growu.co.uk

mm@buildingselfconfidence.co.uk

01223 426392

Madeleine morgan NLP Master Practitioner and Trainer Cambridge, Personal Development Coach Cambridge, Business Coach Cambridge, Career Coach Cambridge, Executive Coach Cambridge, Communication Skills Trainer Cambridge, Personality profiler Cambridge

Madeleine Morgan

14Apr/11Off

Building Self Confidence – Action for Happiness

Hi

I was listening to breakfast TV yesterday morning on the BBC and heard about a new charity called Action for Happiness.

Why would there be the need for such a charity? Well, it seems that the richer our society gets the unhappier we are!

That’s weird isn’t it? Surely we’ve got more to be happy about than ever – even with the recession on we still have a great material standard of living compared to millions of people in the world. We enjoy greater physical safety and there are more safety nets if our personal world falls apart than in many countries

Part of the BBC report showed various members of the public giving their ideas about what would make them happy. Their answers included: a bath, a fulfiling career, that it would suddenly be Friday afternoon and time to go home from work.

It struck me that all of their answers were around ‘I’ll be happy when…’ None of them were about how they could be happy in the moment. We can all relate to that. I know I feel more upbeat when the sun shines.

The trouble with the kind of happiness that depends on certain events taking place is - what if they don’t? Are we dooming ourselves to be unhappy for no good reason?

Here are some great antidotes to unhappiness my clients find really helpful and that you can start to use immediately:

  • Build your confidence so that you can bounce back quickly after a setback.
  • Learn how to create win-win discussions so that even if someone wants something different from you, or has a different opinion, you don’t have to get defensive and argue with friends, family, colleagues or clients.
  • Practise speeding up the time it takes for you to turn your attention away from a problem and towards a solution.
  • Keep a gratitude diary – find reasons to be happy and write down all the small and big things you are grateful for. If you can’t be reasonably happy, try being unreasonably happy! 🙂
  • Express gratitude – let your family, friends, clients and colleagues know what you appreciate about them. Include yourself – you need to be your own best friend 🙂
  • Have a motivating reason to live. My motivating purpose is to help people create even more abundance in their lives – an abundance of the good things in life such as joy, confidence, health, fulfiling relationships, love, rewarding careers and businesses and wealth. When I remember it, I feel very happy and it keeps me going even when I experience setbacks.
  • Choose to spend your time with positive and supportive people. For instance, weed out any negative ‘friends’ and see a life or business coach regularly to help you get perspective, clear sense of purpose, master your emotions and clear the way to overcoming challenges and achieving your goals faster.

All these things are within your power and give you control over your life and level of happiness.

Create a happy day! 🙂

Warm wishes

Madeleine

PS: I like to reward people who take action to create more happiness in their lives. So, I’m offering you a free Discovery Session where we can explore where you are now in your life, where you’d like to be and how you can get there.

Email Madeleine at mm@buildingselfconfidence.co.uk or phone Cambridge 01223 964516 to book your phone, Skype or face-to-face session.

PPS: You can download a free confidence mini-course from http://www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk

"Madeleine is an exceptional coach. Over the years I've received coaching from some of the biggest names in NLP, business and personal development. In my estimation she's up there with the big boys.

Very quickly she expanded my thinking way beyond the limits I had set for myself and not only gave me practical step-by-step advice that moved me forward in my career, my business, my personal relationships and my personal development. She also revealed to me the things I was doing in my head that were preventing me from enjoying the success I'd already achieved.

In a very short time, and as a direct result of Madeleine's coaching:

- My confidence soared

- I secured an interview for the job of my dreams

- I got really clear on a part-time business I wanted to build

On top of all this, the process, wisdom and expertise she brought to the coaching allowed me to make changes in myself that deepened my relationship with my girlfriend, improved my interpersonal skills with colleagues at work and most important of all, given me an ongoing realisation that this whole journey is exciting and enjoyable.

Ben Green, Marketing Manager

The Confidence Coach

The Confidence Coach

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22Mar/11Off

Help with Confidence – Secrets to Dealing Confidently with Feedback

Hi

Have you ever asked for or just been given someone’s opinion – perhaps about a task you’ve done at work, some clothes you’ve bought, a dish you’ve cooked, a presentation you’ve made or an idea you have?

Was that opinion ever negative and critical?

Did you feel your confidence was undermined by it?

If so, I’ve got some great secrets for dealing confidently with feedback to share with you.

Just recently I’ve been delivering various training and group coaching sessions in confident presenting, confident leading, confident in personal relationships, confident selling and building self-confidence, in addition to my 121 work with clients. One thing I learned early on about delivering coaching and training sessions is the value of getting feedback.

In my early days of training I used to look at feedback sheets with a mixture of dread and excitement. I looked forward to the praise, especially if I felt it had gone really well.

But, part of me was worried that I had unwittlingly messed up and that someone would say something critical which would then play on my mind.

Then I began to realise that the feedback forms were designed to encourage people to give balanced, constructive and quality feedback. So, whatever the feedback was it would be useful – if it was praise then I would know I was on the right track and if it was critical then I’d know what to change to make it better next time. This gives me even more confidence for the future.

The trouble with most situations in life is that we can’t give out forms that encourage people to give balanced feedback.

So, here are some secrets I’ve learned to make sure I get quality feedback that has built my confidence with colleagues, clients, family and friends and the occasional difficult person.

Use these tips and they will help you build even more confidence in your life. In fact, you’ll never dread critical comments again! J

I’m careful about who I take notice of – I only ask for feedback from people who are ‘qualified’. These are people who are willing to give balanced, constructive and quality feedback. That way I can feel confident about asking them.

  • Feedback Confidence Secret 2

I ask those people curious questions so that it’s easier for them to give me balanced, constructive and quality feedback e.g. What do you like about….? What would make it even better? What makes you think that…?

  • Feedback Confidence Secret 3

If they haven’t waited to be asked and have just fired off some critical comments, I ask those questions in tip 2.

  • Feedback Confidence Secret 4

I give balanced, constructive and quality feedback so that I can be a good role model for people around me of how I would like to be treated.

They say feedback is the breakfast of champions. Getting quality feedback has definitely helped me go from strength to strength.

I’d love to know how you get on with these tips.

Have fun!

Warm wishes

Madeleine

P.S. You can download more valuable confidence tips at www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk

P.P.S. If you'd like to find out more about how to fast track your journey to natural confidence, please email Madeleine at  mm@buildingselfconfidence.co.uk to book a free discovery session. We explore where you are with your confidence, where you'd like to be and what resources are available to bridge the gap.

Madeleine Morgan is a qualified Life Coach and NLP Master Practitioner based in Cambridge CB4 1LN UK

16Feb/11Off

Confidently Dealing with Criticism

Have you ever been criticised? It's one of the hardest things to deal with when you lack confidence isn't it? When you hear it or read it your body tenses as if you're about to receive a punch, your stomach churns and inside you fear it might be true or your mind rejects it as totally unfair.

Let's  be honest, sometimes that criticism is fair - it's just poorly worded and delivered feedback.

Sometimes it's just spiteful.

I'll be suggesting some ways of dealing with badly delivered feedback in another post. For now I want to share with you a helpful way of thinking about the spiteful stuff.

There's story about how Buddha thought about criticism that I thought you would find uplifting:

A man met Buddha on the street one day and began to call him mean and ugly names.

Buddha listened quietly and thoughtfully until the man ran out of criticisms, and had to pause for breath.

"If you offer something to a man and he refuses it, to whom does it belong?" asked Buddha.

The spiteful man replied, "It belongs, I suppose, to the one who offered it."

Then Buddha said, "The abus

dating advice

e and vile names you offer me, I refuse to accept."

The man turned and walked away.

Have a serene day 😉

Warm wishes

Madeleine

P.S. You can download more valuable confidence tips at www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk

P.P.S. If you'd like to find out more about how to fast track your journey to natural confidence, please email Madeleine at  mm@buildingselfconfidence.co.uk to book a free discovery session. We will explore where you are with your confidence, where you'd like to be and what resources are available to bridge the gap.

Madeleine Morgan

Life Coach, NLP Master Practioner and Trainer

"Over the sessions I had with Madeleine I learnt a lot about myself through her personality quiz and a lot about how to manage the challenges I was facing at work. She was very patient and helped me make a big career decision. Madeleine is warm, caring and a great listener. I couldn't have made my decision without her!" Jo Brewin, Teacher

Cambridge, CB4 1LN

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