Building Self Confidence Blog
24May/160

How to React Confidently to Change and Reduce Stress: Confidence Tip 150

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UKWhether you love change or hate change, there’s often a period of time when you feel uncertain and uncomfortable with it. It takes a while to adapt to change, to see the opportunities in it and to see the positive aspects of it.

I’ve worked a lot with business owners and professionals and managers working in businesses over the last 16 years. It seems like the pace of change in their lives is speeding up.

Sometimes that need to change is forced on them by changes outside their control. For example, many of my professional and manager clients have gone through several rounds of redundancies in the companies they work for. Their companies have had to change how people are managed or bring in new systems and software too. These changes have all brought unwelcome uncertainty. They’ve needed to learn new skills and have different mind-sets to survive and thrive through change.

At other times the need for change is coming from inside them. The things they used to do, want and be are no longer making them happy.

How to Stay Confident When You Need to Change or When Change is Happening Around You

So, if the only certainty we really have is that things will change, how can we grow and change confidently?

I realised the other day that there is something we can learn from lobsters!

Yep, lobsters 🙂

I was watching a video by Dr Abraham Twerski where he described how lobsters grow.

A lobster is a soft bodied animal that lives in a rigid shell. The shell can’t expand. So how does the lobster grow?

Well, as it grows, the shell becomes uncomfortable and constricting. When the lobster feels this stress it knows it’s time to change its shell. Then it finds a safe place where it can cast off its shell without getting eaten by predators and it grows a new one. A young lobster will go through the process 5-6 times in a season whereas the adult lobster will only change their shell 1-2 times.

Notice that the trigger is that the lobster feels stress and discomfort. Dr Twerski pointed out that if lobsters had doctors they’d never grow because every time they got stressed they would be given a drug to supress or over-ride the feelings.

Interesting point.

So, how can you live, like a lobster, with change?

Your mission to meet change with confidence, if you choose to accept:

  1. Accept change as a natural process in life.
  2. Seek out, or create, a supportive environment for change – such as life coaching or business coaching sessions.
  3. Look forward to the new opportunities that change can bring.

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UKWhat’s your next step to becoming more confident with change?

Check out some suggestions below.

Warm wishes, Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Special Offers, Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

Special Offers and Dates for Your Diary

Free Coaching Discovery Session

If we haven’t worked together before, I’d like to offer you a free, confidential ‘Best Year Yet’ Coaching Discovery Session

I have 6 sessions left to give away, in June

During that 45-60 minute session,

  • We’ll discuss where you are with your personal, career or business life.
  • We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success.
  • We’ll get clear about how you’d like your life to be.
  • Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and confident about making 2016 your best year yet.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.uk and let me know what times and days fit for you.

Hurry to book your place because there are only 4 places and this offer is going to over 1600 people. 🙂

 

Quote of the Week about Dealing with Change 

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer

Useful Links

"I've just read Madeleine's 'The Success Ladder' over the weekend. What a great easy and effective guide for any aspiring leader. It's very easy to read and most importantly the actions are very powerful which I've already started to implement. Thank you Madeleine and I look forward to sharing my success with you :-)" Adrian Peck

 

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20Apr/160

Free Life Coaching Session

Discover How Life Coaching Can Help You Have the Confidence and Lifestyle You Want

Watch this video to find out how life coaching can help you build your self confidence, gain more career  success and fulfillment and create relationship happiness.

At the end of the this life coaching video you'll see how you can apply for a free coaching discovery session with experienced life coach, Madeleine Morgan.

 

 

28Aug/140

How Can You Make Changes Stick? Confidence Tips #82

Here’s your Confidence tip for this week.

The other day I drowned my laptop. I think it’s a terrible design fault that laptops and liquids don’t mix.

feedburner-logoBuying my new laptop forced me to upgrade to Windows 8.1 and Microsoft Office 2013 and this gave me an idea for this week’s tip.

You know that frustrating period when you make a change but you keep doing the old thing? That’s what I’m going though at the moment as I get used some of the new layout and keep expecting things to be in the old places.

My experience got me thinking about my clients. During my coaching and training sessions with them they often upgrade their ‘operating system’ and ‘mental software’ with new beliefs and skills. But sometimes it takes a while for the new stuff to become a habit, so that they can do it without thinking when they re-enter the busy-ness of their lives.

Giving attention to how to make your changes stick is as important to your success as learning new things and resolving to change.

So I thought I’d share 7 ideas to help you make personal changes stick and stop you reverting back to old habits:

  1. Sometimes it’s just a matter of having the patience to make the mistake and correct it until you ‘get it’. Like me using the new software on my laptop. They say it takes 21 days to create a new habit.
  1. It can be useful set alarms and post reminders on your phone, your fridge or…? This is good for things you want to remember to do regularly and that need to be scheduled. For instance, things like remembering to keep a ‘Success Diary’ every day to build your confidence and sense of satisfaction in life. Or remembering to take your vitamins or plan the next day at the end of the previous one. 
  1. Try mental rehearsal- imagine yourself doing the new behaviour. For instance, if you want to behave confidently in a sales meeting, while giving a presentation or on a romantic date, imagine yourself being that way. Keep rehearsing until the new behaviour and feelings become automatic and feel more like you.
  1. Ask yourself ‘power’ questions every day that are related to the change you want to make. For instance, a client of mine has set himself to complete an Iron Man challenge in 6 months’ time. He was finding it hard to have the discipline to train regularly…the event seemed so far off. As we talked, he realised that being an Iron Man was not just something he would become on the event day but something that had to become a way of life, before the event. And…he would get far more benefit from the challenge if he did make it a daily way of being. So one of the techniques we used to help him become an Iron Man was to get him to ask himself every day, ‘How have I thought and acted like an Iron Man today?’ He used point 2 to help him remember to do this.

Whatever quality you want to develop…more confidence, more courage, more kindness, more curiosity, more wisdom, more gratitude…ask yourself a ‘power’ question every day to keep your attention powerfully on your goal and the change you seek. What kinds of questions? Try these:

  • How have I been more confident/courageous/ loving/organised/…today?
  • What have I learned today?
  1. If the change involves or affects others, get their helpFor instance, if you want to lose weight ask your family and friends not to tempt you with sugary ‘treats’. If you want to use your time better at work, ask your colleagues or your team to make some adjustments in their behaviour. For instance, to leave you to focus on a task without interruptions at certain times of the day. Convey how they will benefit if they do.
  1. Make sure the change is really important to you.Then remind yourself of all the things you’ll gain by making it and all the things you’ll lose if you don’t.
  1. The easiest promises to break are the ones we make to ourselves. Hire a coach to help you monitor your progress and be accountable for the changes you want to commit to. A coach will help you keep your resolve and think of creative ways to keep the change. 

Your Action This Week

  1. Pick a new habit you’d like to create
  2. Use as many of the ‘making the change stick’ techniques I’ve suggested as  you find helpful…or think of other ones you can use.

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership Mentor, Cambridge UKI’d love to know how you get on.

Warm wishes

Madeleine

 

P.S. Check out the Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

Useful Links

 

Quote of the Week

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” Albert Einstein

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” Barack Obama

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11Aug/140

What do you mean? Confidence Tips #80

Coaching and Training for ManagersHere’s your Confidence tip for this week. Also a reminder that the early bird rate for the Difficult Conversations Workshop ends today. Click here for details.

I was reading the posts on my Facebook account over the weekend. My attention was caught by a post giving examples of the difference between what people say and what they, sometimes, actually mean. For instance:

  • ‘That’s one way of looking at it,’ meaning, ‘That’s the wrong way to look at it.’
  • ‘Right then, I should start possibly thinking of making a move’ meaning, ‘Bye!’
  • ‘With all due respect,’ meaning, ‘I’m going to disagree with you in the most blunt way.’
  • ‘I don’t mind,’ meaning, ‘I do mind but I haven’t got the courage to state a preference.’
  • ‘Of course I will,’ meaning, ‘I’m afraid to say ‘no’ but I’m going to complain about you for asking to someone else.’

It’s called ‘inferential speakingwhen we hope people will read between the lines and get the hint or when we don’t think we’ll get away with speaking our minds.

Sometimes it can be appropriately tactful or even funny and at other times frustrating for the Speaker and well as the Listener.

The Speaker, in their attempt to be diplomatic, avoid trouble or just hope that the Listener gets the hint, can be seen as being manipulative, weak and even cowardly by more direct speakers.

The Listener can feel irritated when they find themselves in trouble for taking things literally or become frustrated when their attempts to give you what you want fail.

Your action this week

Here are some tips to help you deal with this difficult kind of conversation:

  • Notice the feedback you’re getting from your communication style – does your style get you what you want? If not, it’s definitely time for a change!
  • If you’re overly indirect, experiment with a more positively direct style. For instance, say what you want rather than, ‘I don’t mind’ if you really do have a preference. In this instance, ‘I have a right to ask and you have a right to refuse, and vice versa’ can be useful beliefs.
  • If you’re the kind of person who prefers people to be direct with you, tell people. And… really do react positively when people are, so that you build trust.

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership Mentor, Cambridge UKWarm wishes

Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

Useful Links

Quote of the Week

“The trouble with troublesome people is that they often have much to teach to those they trouble.”

Testimonials

"I now feel skilled at dealing with difficult situations in a busy environment and achieve more in less time. I also enjoy my social life more because I'm in control at work. It was really helpful to have private coaching because I could be totally open and honest and Madeleine tailored the programme to my needs.”

Ruth Alltree Manager, Cambridgeshire

“We are a successful web design company but we knew that we could do even better.
Since Madeleine has been coaching and training the Realnet team we’ve experienced the following benefits:

Projects get completed faster
Team work has improved
Our client service is more skilled and effective
Our sales meetings are more successful

 Madeleine’s warm and enthusiastic manner has made the process enjoyable.
She is also skilled at adapting her coaching style to get the best out of our different personalities.”
Kari Sewell, Project Manager, Realnet, Cambridgeshire

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26Sep/13Off

How to be Confidently Creative

how to buy glasses online

p>When you lack confidence it's easy to dismiss your creative ideas before they've had time to flourish.

Check out this lovely video on Youtube, by Cafe Creative, that proves that giving yourself time, and switching off your inner critic while you explore your creativity, can help you confidently and successfully produce wonderfully creative ideas.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgvx9OfZKJw

1-2-1 Complimentary Coaching Discovery Session

If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have 1 complimentary space for 1-2-1 'Confident Life' Discovery Session this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.uk

Useful Links

·       Free Confidence ecourse

·       Free success tips for professionals, managers and owner managers

·       Personal, career and business coaching and training courses for professionals, managers and business owners

7Mar/12Off

How to Forgive, So That You Can Be Free

Holding onto a grudge can be very human but also very life destroying. If you feel someone has wronged you it's important to forgive them so that you can be free! When you can forgive people you can feel confident in your relationships and happier in yourself.

I like this forgiveness story:

STONE

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING

THROUGH THE DESERT .

DURING SOME POINT OF THE

JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN

ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND

SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE

IN THE FACE

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED

WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT

SAYING ANYTHING,

WROTE IN THE SAND ,

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND

SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE .

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,

UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,

WHERE THEY DECIDED

TO TAKE A BATH.

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN

SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE

MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,

BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM

THE NEAR DROWNING,

HE WROTE

ON A STONE:

'TODAY MY BEST FRIEND

SAVED MY LIFE'

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED

AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND

ASKED HIM, 'AFTER I HURT YOU,

YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,

YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?'

THE FRIEND REPLIED

'WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US

WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN

IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF

FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.

BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,

WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE

WHERE NO WIND

CAN EVER ERASE IT'

LEARN TO WRITE

YOUR HURTS IN

THE SAND AND TO

CARVE YOUR

BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A

MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL

PERSON,

AN HOUR TO

APPRECIATE THEM,

A DAY

TO LOVE THEM,

BUT THEN ,

AN ENTIRE LIFE

TO FORGET THEM.

 SHOW THIS TO

THE PEOPLE YOU'LL NEVER

FORGET.

Maybe you feel you've been hurt too badly to be able to forgive someone or logically you know you should forgive them but your heart won't let them off the hook. Ask yourself, what would it take for me to forgive them?

If you can't come up with any answers, consider getting coaching on the issue so that you can move forward freely and enjoy your life to the full.

Madeleine Morgan The Confidence Coach

The Confidence Life Coach

Warm wishes

Madeleine

Madeleine Morgan

mm@buildingselfconfidence.co..uk

www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk

persuasive writing
13Feb/12Off

Presenting Confidently – Top Ten Tips for Managing Your Content

p>This is post 3 of a 4 week series on presenting confidently and skilfully.

Last week I talked about how to build rapport with your audience and keep them engaged in what you’re saying.

This week I’m going to share with you 10 tips for managing your content.

Often when you are presenting you want your audience to remember what you’ve said. Research shows that it takes only 20 minutes to forget 60% of what you are told unless you deliberately set aside time to review what was said or you use the information you have been given soon afterwards.

So these tips are designed to make your presentation more memorable:

1.    PowerPoint is a great tool for creating and delivering content in presentations. However, creating many slides full of text is what gave birth to the phrase, ‘death by Powerpoint’. To help you reduce the number of words you use, map out the key topics, sub-topics and messages in your presentation and then write down key words for each of them. Stick to keywords on your Powerpoint slides and avoid sentences. That way you’ll avoid overloading your audience.

2.    Remember that PowerPoint is mainly a tool for making your presentations visually interesting. Words by themselves are not visual. So make full use of its fabulous ability to help you include, colour, photos, videos, graphs, and other visual effects.

I remember one of my clients was a technical expert and he resisted putting pictures into his presentation because he thought it would reduce his credibility – somehow it wouldn’t look academic enough.

What I helped him discover is that his audience could understand better what he was talking about when he added visual elements and so his credibility increased even more. Of course it does depend what pictures you choose!

3.    Some of my clients have tried to use the PowerPoint slides as a memory aid – so the slides are for them them rather than their audience. That can lead to a very boring presentation for your audience as you read out exactly what they can see on the slides.

If you need more words to help you remember the content, how about putting them in the ‘Notes’ section of a power point slide so that only you can read them? Even better is to rehearse the presentation so you only need the key words to guide you through it. Then you’ll be able to move around freely and express yourself more naturally – your audience will really warm to that.

4.    If you really feel that a lot of words are needed, make sure that the bullet points appear one at a time otherwise you’re audience (especially the more visual people) will be tempted to read them all at their reading pace which may be faster or slower than you are presenting – a disavantage of that happening is that you can lose connection with your audience.

5.    Use headings to guide your audience through your presentation. You can add sub titles if the topic of the heading covers more than one Power Point slide. This will help your audience understand and remember your presentation more easily.

6.    That was the first 5 tips. Here’s number 6. To guide your audience through your presentation and make it more memorable follow the example of television news:

  • Begin by briefly telling them what you will tell them – in the news that would be the headlines
  • Then tell them – give them the content – that’s where they go into more depth and bring pictures, stories and interviews on TV
  • At the end briefly tell them what you’ve told them – on the news they repeat the headlines.

7.    So now we’re at tip no. 7.

If the Powerpoint slides are going to be projected onto a screen, check what they will look like because they often look more faded and less clear than on your computer screen and so some fonts and colours you’ve used may be hard to read. Choose colours and fonts that look clear, bright and sharp even when projected.

8.    Here’s a little known tip for no 8. Keep in mind that some men are red/green colour blind so avoid using the two colours together if distinguishing between the two colours is important to your message.

9.    Remember that there are effective low tech ways of organising and delivering content. Flip charts and coloured pens can be very effective and because they are used less often these days, you can avoid the association and groans that may come with…Ohh no, another PowerPoint presentation!!!

Flip charts are also great for making your presentation more interactive and keep your audience’s attention – for instance you can gather ideas, thoughts and questions from your audience onto flip chart pages. You can tear off the pages and stick them to the walls with blue tack. At the end of the presentation you can check with the audience if all their questions have been answered. That makes your audience feel you’ve been really responsive to their needs – that’s a great rapport builder.

10. And finally, there are loads of other ways to manage and deliver your content such as webinars, teleseminars, teleconferences, CDs and DVDs that might be more suited to what you have to present. Remember to explore those too.

So, there are many ways to manage your content. I’ve covered 10 of them today very briefly, these include how to get the best out of PowerPoint and how to use low tech methods too.

If you want to find out more about confident and skilful presenting go to www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk

If you are interested in how to improve your sales presenting and conversion rates, please go to www.TheAccountabilityClub.co.uk

In my next post  about presenting confidently,  I’ll be talking about techniques to help you manage the area you’ll be presenting in to enhance your presentation, including a mysterious technique called ‘stage anchoring’.

In the meantime, good luck with your presentations. I’d love to know how you get on.

realnet - websites that perform