Building Self Confidence Blog
21Sep/130

60 Seconds to Confidence #34 Confidently Dealing with Feedback

Success Tips for ManagersHave you ever been involved in an enjoyable and successful social or work event only to discover later that your flies were undone or you had a green sliver of spinach on your front tooth or that you had committed some other faux pas? Don’t you wish someone had discreetly mentioned it to you so that you could have done something about it? Aaaagh!

But the consequence of the lack of confidence to speak up in that situation is minor compared to the havoc that can be created in work and personal relationships when people refrain from giving constructive feedback to the person who needs to hear it. I’ve seen marriages destroyed and work teams paralysed because of it.

I remember working with an assistant manager whose attempts to motivate the team triggered the team members into feeling like they were back at school. The team members muttered about him behind his back and eventually complained to his manager. They lacked the confidence to deal with the assistant manager directly. The manager agreed to champion their cause and represent their grievances to the assistant manager.

The manager would not tell the assistant manager which team members had given him the feedback.

The assistant manager felt annoyed that only one side of the story had been explored. So his attention turned to how unfairly he had been treated rather than to the original issue.

That’s understandable – I’d certainly prefer people to bring issues to me…constructively…rather than complain about me behind my back to others. I’d want people to be open to hearing why I did what I did or thought what I thought, just to find out if there’s another perspective. Wouldn’t you?

Of course, my part of the bargain would be to receive feedback contructively too and make it easy for people to talk to me.

You can understand the team members taking the back door route, can’t you? They felt they didn’t have the positional power to be honest. They feared reprisals. But their actions fostered a culture of back-biting which could come back to bite them.

You can understand the manager, too. It’s easy to get sucked into riding to the rescue when you hear only one side of the story, especially if the story confirms your own prejudices.

But…the manager missed the fantastic opportunity to get everyone together to create a situation where:

  • everyone could explore, and take responsibility for, their part in creating the situation in the first place and feel empowered to remedy it confidently and skilfully in future
  • a win-win outcome could be mediated
  • lessons about creating effective, mature and adult work relationships could have been learned

So here are 3 tips to try:

  • Receive feedback with curiosity
  • Give feedback with curiosity
  • When someone moans about someone else, guide them to a more confident and skilled strategy for resolving those issues

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWhat extra confident and skilful steps could you take in your work and personal life to turn complaints into :)?

Warm wishes

Madeleine

 

1-2-1 Complimentary Coaching Discovery Session

If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have 1 complimentary space for  a 1-2-1 'Confident Life' Discovery Session this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.uk

Useful Links

·       Free Confidence ecourse

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·       Personal, career and business coaching and training courses for professionals, managers and business owners

 

14Sep/130

60 Seconds to Confidence Tip #33 Dealing with Rejection

Success Tips for ManagersWhen you’re putting forward an idea, a suggestion or selling something do you find people are likely to say, ‘no’ rather than ‘yes’?

“We can’t afford it…”

“Not now…”

“We’re choosing someone/something else…”

“You’re not experienced enough…”

“It won’t work…”

“We don’t do things that way round here…”

“If it ain’t broke, why fix it?”

“I don’t want to go out with you!”

Although the list of ways of saying ‘no’ could be endless, there are only 2 types of ‘No’ you need to deal with:

  • The expected
  • The unexpected

The most common ‘no’ is the expected ‘no’. It’s one you could’ve seen coming because:

  • They’ve mentioned their concerns before
  • You’ve triggered them into it by asking if there is anything they’re worried about
  • Past experience tells you what they’re likely to think

An unexpected ‘no’ is one you couldn’t expect to happen such as last-minute changes.

If you genuinely and ethically believe they would benefit from what you’re suggesting or selling, there are 3 simple steps to deal with the expected ‘no’ that you can prepare and practice beforehand. Here’s an example of what you might say:

  1. Understand - “One thing I’ve been thinking (Maybe you have too?) is that this approach is very different to what we normally do”
  2. Remove – “But I’ve come to realise that [pre-prepared response]”
  3. Check – “Does that feel/sound/look sensible to you?”

And when the reason for a ‘no’ is a surprise, you can still use the URC approach: “I can see why you would say that… my answer is… is that ok?”

Alternatively: “I know how you feel….I (or someone else) felt that way too….And what I/they found was….”

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorHow’s that for a plan?

Warm wishes
Madeleine

 

 

1-2-1 Complimentary Coaching Discovery Session

If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have 1 complimentary space for 1-2-1 'Confident Life' Discovery Coaching Session this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.uk or click o this link: http://www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk/contact/

 

Madeleine Morgan

Confidence and Life Coach

Cambridge CB4 1LN, UK

7Sep/130

60 Seconds to Confidence Tip #32 Testing Your Communication Style

Success Tips for Managers

 

Did you know that surveys show most people think they are good at communicating…and that most other people are not?

The maths doesn’t add up, does it? So there must be many delusional communicators in the world. 🙂

How can you tell if you’re one of them…or not?

There’s a useful and challenging assumption master communicators live by: ‘The meaning of the communication is the response you get.’ In other words, it’s no good saying, ‘You didn’t listen…’ or ‘What I said was…’ when someone seems to have misunderstood you. Their response is a reflection of what you actually communicated to them. (Unless they really are trying to wind you up.)

So, one clue to whether you need to be more flexible in your communication style is the number of times a week you find yourself aghast, perhaps even pulling your hair out, because you thought you’d explained clearly to your partner, colleague or client but they misunderstood what intended to communicate. How many times is that for you?

Another clue is: do you get the outcomes you want from your family conversations, team meetings, sales meetings and presentations?

And finally the acid test… if you asked your family members, friends, colleagues, clients and suppliers about how well you communicate, what would they say?

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorSo how are you doing as a communicator?

What do you need to change to get better results in your personal, career and business life?

Warm wishes
Madeleine

 

1-2-1 Complimentary Coaching Discovery Session

If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have 1 complimentary space for 1-2-1 Discovery Session this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.ukor click on this link: http://www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk/contact/

Madeleine Morgan

Confidence and Life Coach

Cambridge CB4 1LN, UK

 

31Aug/13Off

60 Seconds to Confidence Tip #31How Do You Decide When to Make a Change?

Success Tips for ManagersHave you ever found yourself in a situation where you’ve asked yourself a variation on, ‘How do I know when to stop, leave, quit, walk out, give up or make a change?’

Whether it’s a question you’re asking yourself about your relationships, your job, or your business, the answer isn’t always obvious, is it? How do you make a confident choice?

A client of mine asked me the question this week as he felt he was beating his head against a brick wall in relation to an issue with an ‘irritating’ colleague. Here are some of the thoughts we came up with.

Someone once said, ‘All struggle is unskilled behaviour’. That might be a gross generalisation but it’s worth asking yourself, ‘What more do I need to know, or know how to do, to help me be more successful in this situation?’

My client thought about this question and then said, ‘I need to learn how to take a step back from my frustration and see things from my colleague’s point of view. That might give me some ideas for new things to try.’

His answer brought up another point. He realised that his doubts about whether to give up on a situation often rear their ugly head when he knows he has muddied the water by acting clumsily, aggressively or immaturely. Once he thought and behaved more maturely and assertively, the brick wall came tumbling down and the decision about whether to keep trying became clear.

My client realised that, if he had given up too early, he might have deprived himself of the opportunity to become even more resourceful and the opportunities those resources might lead to.

The maths of the costs and benefits of trying versus giving up changed.

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWhat new learning could feed your confidence, your determination and your success this week?

Warm wishes
Madeleine

1-2-1 Complimentary Coaching Discovery Session

If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have 1 complimentary space for 1-2-1 'Confident Life' Discovery Session this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.ukor click on this link: http://www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk/contact/

Madeleine Morgan

Confidence and Life Coach

Cambridge CB4 1LN, UK

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17Aug/13Off

60 Seconds to Confidence Tip #29

Success Tips for Managers

Two recent buying experiences got me thinking about what we can learn from successful selling that would benefit us in our personal, career and business lives.

A month ago I finally had to admit that my printer was indeed dead. It had come to the end of its natural life and I could not coax it to print another piece of paper. Reluctantly, I gritted my teeth and set about exploring the bewildering range of options for replacing it.

Armed with my list of criteria, I approached the owner of a business machines company who is in my network of trusted suppliers.

He listened patiently to what I said I wanted but instead of just pointing me in the direction of a printer, he showed me a clever formula he had created. To make the formula work I had to think about what I actually needed based on the kind of printing I do now and might want to do in future. With that information he created a perfect match between what I actually needed and the machines on the market. At the same time, he saved me money.

I am so happy with the printer I ended up with. More than ever, I really trust the supplier and feel confident to recommend him to people. It’s a win-win outcome.

A friend of mine had a different experience. She booked a holiday recently. The travel agent helped her choose a lovely hotel in a resort that looked very attractive. She was very happy with the service. It had saved her hours of trawling the internet and booking on line.

It was only after she had booked and paid for the holiday that she realised she needed travel insurance and a place in the airport car park. On request, the travel agent sorted those things out for her but the experience dented her confidence in him. The travel agent had given her what she said she wanted, but surely if the travel agent was really looking out for her interests he would have mentioned what she might have needed and enquired whether she had her insurance sorted out, wouldn’t he? Then she wondered what else she might have forgotten. She didn't feel confident that something else wouldn't crop up that would be too late to fix.

I wonder if she’ll use that service again?

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWhere in your personal, career and business life could you be watching someone’s back more thoroughly? Which of your family members, colleagues, bosses, clients, suppliers, employees and friends would benefit from your wisdom and experience?  What impact would your care have on your relationships and your success? What support network are you building so that you can be confident you've got people who are watching your back?

Warm wishes
Madeleine

1-2-1 Complimentary Coaching Discovery Session

If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have 1 complimentary space for 1-2-1 ‘Confident Life’ Discovery Session this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.ukor click on this link: http://www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk/contact/

Madeleine Morgan

Confidence and Life Coach

Cambridge CB4 1LN, UK

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12Jun/11Off

Confidence at Work – Recession Proofing Your Career or Your Business

When you know how to recession proof your wealth creation - whether you have a career or a business - it can be a great source of confidence. Here are some ideas to help you protect your income in difficult times.

Have you ever wondered why companies choose to make workers redundant rather than cut salaries? After all, it doesn't seem to make sense to get rid of the people they've invested in recruiting and  training when, if they keep those people employed, the company will have the talent to take advantage of rising demand when we pull out of the recession. Why not renegotiate the salaries and keep their team employed? That would also be a better outcome for employees and their families than facing redundancy.

Well studies show that employees' morale goes down when their salaries are cut and they respond by working less. Many people live up to and beyond their salaries so a general salary cut would also spread  misery. Business owners and managerment teams use redundancies to get rid of people who are not pulling their weight or who are destroying team morale. So employers prefer a small number of employees to be miserable by making them redundant than by upsetting the majority. Studies also show that redundancies boost the productivity of of the employees who remain because they are more motivated to prove their value. Apparently most workers would rather keep their salaries than save their colleagues.

What if there was a better way forward where employees and employers could win? I've got some recession surviving and thriving tips for you whether you are an  employer or an employee.

First of all, here are 5 secrets for recession proofing your career if you want to avoid redundancy, stay employed and thrive in difficult times:

  1. Whatever expertise you have and whatever industry you're working in, look out of niches. What I mean by that is      areas where there is a lot of demand for people with skills, knowledge and experience and few people who have it. For instance, with one of my clients we identified that her company in the pharmaceutical industry was losing business because nobody was really skilled at putting effective teams together to bid for certain projects.  I shared with her some useful skills and she soon started to earn more bonuses for extra business the company gained. She was also able to fast track her career and later got promoted from business development manager to director of business development.
  2. Recession Proof Your Career: Use Social Media tools like Linkedin to help you  get known for that expertise - it's free! If you don't know how to use Social Media for promoting yourself click here.
  3. Successful people take charge of their  personal development - emotional intelligence and great communication skills can give you an edge over your more your difficult or less communicative colleagues. There's a saying that we get hired for our technical/professional skills and fired for our communication skills!
  4. Take up every course opportunity related to your professional and personal development that your company offers you. When you gain more knowledge and skill it's like putting money in your bank account. Training is a valuable perk in your employment package.
  5. Then, create a personal development budget to fill in the  gaps especially, if your company doesn't provide training. Private Life, Career and Executive Coaching is a great 21st century resource. It gives you the opportunity to talk about and get skilled in handling challenges you may not be able to talk about, or get the personal attention you need, at work. Life, Career or Executive coaching can help you get more clarity, focus and direction on how to:

3 tips for Managers and Business Owners to help you survive and thrive in the recession:

  1. Focus on building your team's morale to increase productivity and help you keep your talented people. I'm not talking about fixing up expensive outward bound team away days that are difficult to measure in terms of return on investment. I'm talking about the more every day things.
  2. For instance, make sure that when someone does a good job they get the recognition they deserve and everyone hears about it. Weed out team leaders who make their team's life hell because of their poor leadership skills. If you want to keep them, give them 1-2-1 coaching with a coach who is skilled at changing people's attitude - it's 80% more effective than training in getting results.
  3. Positvely and inspirationally engage your whole workforce in the task of helping your company to thrive rather than deciding things in high level meetings and handing down the bad news. A business owner I coached created weekly meetings where his team expressed their achievements, discussed their ideas for recession-proofing the business and brought referrals they had gained from tapping into their networks. Morale and productivity went up and the business owner tapped into resources in his team he didn't know were there before. For instance, his whole team, in effect, became his sales force and business development team because everyone was more aware of their potential to grow the business.

They say obstacles arise when we take our eyes off our goals. Let's keep focussed on creating a rewarding present and future.

I wish you health, wealth and happiness

Warm wishes

Madeleine

Madeleine Morgan uses NLP, coaching, personality profiling and training skills to help professionals, managers and business owners to create more rewarding lives, careers and businesses.

She is based in Cambridge UK and works locally, nationally and internationally in companies and at her coaching practice, face-to-face, over the telephone and on Skype.

She has over 20 years coaching and training experience and has worked with corporates, charities, SMEs and government organisations as well as 953 private clients who are mangers, professionals or business owners.

I like to reward action, so if you take the action to contact me I'll offer you a free no obligation Discovery Session to help you clarify where you are now, where you'd like to be and how to bridge the gap.

madeleine@growu.co.uk

mm@buildingselfconfidence.co.uk

01223 426392

Madeleine morgan NLP Master Practitioner and Trainer Cambridge, Personal Development Coach Cambridge, Business Coach Cambridge, Career Coach Cambridge, Executive Coach Cambridge, Communication Skills Trainer Cambridge, Personality profiler Cambridge

Madeleine Morgan

29May/100

Building Self Confidence at Work- What Skills do you Need?

A client came to me a few months ago because he felt unhappy and stressed at work. Although he'd got a promotion to manager level in an IT company he was beginning to doubt if he was in the right job. Should  he take a year off? Should he try something completely different - retrain. Or should he apply somewhere else? He wasn't sure.

When I asked him a few searching questions we found that actually he loved his work and his company was good but he needed more communication skills to help him get the best out of his team and achieve the results he was expected to get. He also needed to get more curious about people and situations instead of feeling he had to react straightaway. I find this happens a lot. People think they need to change a situation when they actually need to get more skills and information.

So I shared with some powerful NLP skills with him that helped him to recognise different communication styles and adapt what he said to get his message across.

Then I showed him a model to help him create win-win outcomes when people had conflicting points of view with each other or himself.

Later we created a problem solving model so he would know the best action to take when difficult issues came up. I taught him some great questions so that he could accurately diagnose a situation before prescibing the action to take.

With every session we're adding to his tool box of communication skills and his confidence and results are improving so now he looks forward to going into work. What's next on our list? Giving difficult feedback so that he can help his team improve while stopping them from getting defensive.

If you'd like to asked some great questions that will give you more clarity, focus and direction, please call Madeleine Morgan for a free consultation on 01223 426392

If you'd like to know more about how to build confidence at work, download my free report at www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk or my success tips I learned from SCUBA Diving from www.growu.co.uk

I wish you every success,

Warm wishes, Madeleine

   
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