How to Gain More Confidence – Who do you turn to for help?

Every one of us feels a lack of confidence at some point in our lives. For some of us it's in a particular area such as public speaking, selling ourselves in business or at a job interview, standing up to aggressive people, asking someone for a date. For some  it seems to affect every area of their lives. Before I learned how to be more confident and then became a confidence coach I used to find meeting new people really difficult - I often found myself stuck for what to say.

With all the helping professionals, advice from friends and family and self-help books out there it can be confusing to know who or what to turn to for the most effective help. So here are some ideas to get you started.

Excellent self-help books such as 'I Can Make You Confident' by Paul McKenna are useful for tips and for supporting you when you need a quick burst of inspiration. The limitation of books, CDs etc is that they have to be general and can't deal with your specific limiting beliefs and experience. Some people find that the tips take time, discipline and persistence to implement and that can be difficult to find when you are working on your own, especially if you are surrounded by difficult people who try to undermine you.

One way to deal with the people round you is to make sure that, where you have a choice, you mix with people who are encouraging, supportive and who give you quality feedback. I have some tips on training people to give you quality feedback which I will mention in a future blog entry. Friends, family and colleagues can be encouraging and helpful and these are definitely relationships to nurture. However, they can sometimes be too close to us to be objective. If you lack confidence it's easy to dismiss their encouragement as just 'being nice'. Their advice naturally come from what they would do in a situation which may not fit your personality and skill level. When you hear it you might find yourself saying, 'Yes, but...'

If you there are negative people in your life that, at least for the time being, are permanent fixtures then you may need some guidance as to how to get the best out of them. In fact a big part of gaining confidence is about discovering the skills you need to handle a certain situation such as how to sell effectively, deal with conflict, get the best out of your relationships, say 'No' gracefully and how to choose what you feel. Someone once said that all struggle is a sign of a need for more skill.

Then there are a whole raft of professionals - counsellors, coaches, therapists, NLP practitioners etc. The advantages of going to a good professional are that they are supportive and yet also objective. Your personal development can move faster than if you work on yourself alone. They can help you stay motivated to change, especially at times when you might want to give up. They can deal with you as an individual, with your specific concerns and needs. They can break things down into manageable bit sized chunks so that you get enough to move you on without it being overwhelming.  So who do you choose?

All  of these professional will have skills that can help you. So here are some things to consider when choosing.

Is this person supportive and yet also able to challenge me enough to move me out of my comfort zone and into the adventure zone?

Do they have the skills to help me clear past negative experiences that we all have and that are holding me back?

Do they have a lot of experience and success with clients with the areas of confidence I want to build?

Do they have recognised qualifications like being a NLP master practitioner accredited by the ABNLP and BBNLP?

Do they know skills that will help you use the confidence you gain effectively? It's no good having the confidence to jump in a plane and fly it if you haven't had flying lessons! So if you need confidence in business networking or meeting you new people, do they have the knowledge and skills to share with you? On the other hand do they have the ability to give you tips that suit your personality? Can they help you gain the confidence to use them (many general workshops and trainings work on skills but not limiting beliefs)

Do they give you a free consultation to help you find all this out and help you decide if you'd feel comfortable working together

Will they guarantee that if you get nothing useful, they will refund your money?

Check out www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk as an example

I hope you've found this useful to help you get the most effective help

Have a confident day, Warm wishes from Madeleine Morgan

www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk

Cambridge