Building Self Confidence Blog
24May/160

How to React Confidently to Change and Reduce Stress: Confidence Tip 150

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UKWhether you love change or hate change, there’s often a period of time when you feel uncertain and uncomfortable with it. It takes a while to adapt to change, to see the opportunities in it and to see the positive aspects of it.

I’ve worked a lot with business owners and professionals and managers working in businesses over the last 16 years. It seems like the pace of change in their lives is speeding up.

Sometimes that need to change is forced on them by changes outside their control. For example, many of my professional and manager clients have gone through several rounds of redundancies in the companies they work for. Their companies have had to change how people are managed or bring in new systems and software too. These changes have all brought unwelcome uncertainty. They’ve needed to learn new skills and have different mind-sets to survive and thrive through change.

At other times the need for change is coming from inside them. The things they used to do, want and be are no longer making them happy.

How to Stay Confident When You Need to Change or When Change is Happening Around You

So, if the only certainty we really have is that things will change, how can we grow and change confidently?

I realised the other day that there is something we can learn from lobsters!

Yep, lobsters 🙂

I was watching a video by Dr Abraham Twerski where he described how lobsters grow.

A lobster is a soft bodied animal that lives in a rigid shell. The shell can’t expand. So how does the lobster grow?

Well, as it grows, the shell becomes uncomfortable and constricting. When the lobster feels this stress it knows it’s time to change its shell. Then it finds a safe place where it can cast off its shell without getting eaten by predators and it grows a new one. A young lobster will go through the process 5-6 times in a season whereas the adult lobster will only change their shell 1-2 times.

Notice that the trigger is that the lobster feels stress and discomfort. Dr Twerski pointed out that if lobsters had doctors they’d never grow because every time they got stressed they would be given a drug to supress or over-ride the feelings.

Interesting point.

So, how can you live, like a lobster, with change?

Your mission to meet change with confidence, if you choose to accept:

  1. Accept change as a natural process in life.
  2. Seek out, or create, a supportive environment for change – such as life coaching or business coaching sessions.
  3. Look forward to the new opportunities that change can bring.

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UKWhat’s your next step to becoming more confident with change?

Check out some suggestions below.

Warm wishes, Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Special Offers, Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

Special Offers and Dates for Your Diary

Free Coaching Discovery Session

If we haven’t worked together before, I’d like to offer you a free, confidential ‘Best Year Yet’ Coaching Discovery Session

I have 6 sessions left to give away, in June

During that 45-60 minute session,

  • We’ll discuss where you are with your personal, career or business life.
  • We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success.
  • We’ll get clear about how you’d like your life to be.
  • Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and confident about making 2016 your best year yet.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.uk and let me know what times and days fit for you.

Hurry to book your place because there are only 4 places and this offer is going to over 1600 people. 🙂

 

Quote of the Week about Dealing with Change 

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer

Useful Links

"I've just read Madeleine's 'The Success Ladder' over the weekend. What a great easy and effective guide for any aspiring leader. It's very easy to read and most importantly the actions are very powerful which I've already started to implement. Thank you Madeleine and I look forward to sharing my success with you :-)" Adrian Peck

 

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10May/160

Best Ways to Manage Conflict: Confidence Tip 149

Life Coaching and Confidence CoachingHave you ever heard that saying, attributed to American Indians, ‘Don’t judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins’?

Sound advice. I know my perspective on someone has changed once I’ve found out more about the pressures they’re under. It has saved me from getting into angry arguments or unnecessary conflict.

The other day, I read an alternative version:

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

I had to chuckle because it so accurately reflects most people’s fears and lack of confidence about saying something that might provoke an argument or an angry reaction.

The trouble is that at least 3 negative things can happen if you don’t give someone feedback or don’t say something for fear of conflict:

  • Your frustration builds up and affects the relationship anyway. People have told me they’ve walked out of personal relationships and walked away from jobs or clients rather than have the conversation or risk open conflict. Often, that’s been a very costly move for both sides.
  • You never get to hear their side of things and gain a perspective that might ease your frustrations and resolve the conflict.
  • You don’t get the chance to resolve the conflict in a win-win way. That’s a lose-lose situation.

How to Stay Confident When You Need to Say Something that Might Lead to Conflict

So what would be a couple of handy rules of thumb for addressing issues that might lead to conflict, confidently?

  1. Discover the power of curiosity. Rather than get into a competition where both of you are fighting to be understood, find out more about what makes them do what they do or think the way they think, before you put forward your feelings, thoughts and arguments. You may be surprised at how this approach can reduce their defensiveness and give you important information that will help you make better judgements.
  2.  Find positive ways to put forward your thoughts. For example, rather than saying things like, ‘You’re always late’, ‘You’re inconsiderate’ or ‘You make me feel….’, ask, ‘What’s a time we can both get there on time?’

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UKWhat’s your next step to becoming more confident with conflict and feedback?

Check out some suggestions below.

Warm wishes, Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Special Offers, Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

Special Offers and Dates for Your Diary

  1. Free Coaching Discovery Session

If we haven’t worked together before, I’d like to offer you a free, confidential ‘Best Year Yet’ Coaching Discovery Session.

I have 2 sessions left to give away, in May.

During that 45-60 minute session,

  • We’ll discuss where you are with your personal, career or business life.
  • We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success.
  • We’ll get clear about how you’d like your life to be.
  • Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and confident about making 2016 your best year yet.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.uk and let me know what times and days fit for you.

Hurry to book your place because there are only 4 places and this offer is going to over 1600 people. 🙂


Quote of the Week about Dealing with Conflict
 

“Seek first to understand and then to be understood.’ Stephen Covey

Useful Links

"I've just read Madeleine's 'The Success Ladder' over the weekend. What a great easy and effective guide for any aspiring leader. It's very easy to read and most importantly the actions are very powerful which I've already started to implement. Thank you Madeleine and I look forward to sharing my success with you :-)" Adrian Peck

   
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