Building Self Confidence Blog
25Jun/150

How to Deal with Bullying at Work: 60 Seconds to Confidence Tip 123

7 Top Tips for Dealing with Bullying at Work

Whether you are being bullied or a colleague, family member or friend is being bullied, it can be difficult to decide what to do about it.

 It’s especially difficult if the person doing the bullying is in a powerful position because they’re your manager, or because of the money or influence they command.

Bullying can take many different forms. Bullies can be aggressive, passive aggressive, bombastic, dictatorial, bossy, harassing, belittling, unkind, intimidating, oppressive, railroading and underhand.  Here are some signs and symptoms of bullying to help you identify it:

  • Ignoring or excluding someone
  • Setting a person up to fail
  • Withholding information deliberately
  • Making a person look foolish in public
  • Spreading nasty rumours or gossip about someone
  • Giving meaningless tasks or unpleasant jobs for no good reason
  • Making patronising, critical or demeaning remarks
  • Undermining a person’s integrity by ordering them to do something dishonest
  • Undervaluing a person’s contribution by not giving credit where it is due
  • Or…?

It’s important to recognise bullying for what it is and do something about it quickly. Avoid dismissing your feelings about being bullied, or making/accepting excuses for bullying such as:

  • ‘it’s just his/her strong management style’
  • ‘it’s just a bit of banter’,
  • ‘it’s only a joke’or
  • that the person being bullied should ‘toughen up’

If you put up with being bullied it can seriously affect your health, your confidence and your ability to be successful. You run the risk of getting stuck in resentment and descending to the level of the bully.

If you allow bullying in your company you risk sabotaging your team’s morale and ability to perform well. Your business is in danger of losing talented people and its good name.Legal proceedings might also follow.

What can you do to avoid being bullied or to deal with it if you encounter bullying? Here are 10 top tips. As an employee, remember:

  • choose where you work carefully...check whether it has the right culture
  • make sure that you develop your assertiveness skills as part of your personal development and adopt an assertive body language and voice tone
  • be prepared to be curious in the face of bullying behaviour…bullies don’t expect to be challenged and may back off when you question them confidently and curiously. For instance, if the bully is being critical, ask them, ‘So what would you say is a better way of going about achieving…?’
  • that bullying is a way some immature people get their sense of importance. Help them get their sense of importance in healthier ways by feeding back to them, honestly, their strengths
  • that what they think of you and how they treat you is not a measure of your self-worth
  • you don’t have to face bullies alone…find someone you trust to coach you to overcome the situation confidently and skilfully
  • if you can’t resolve the bullying behaviour informally, check out the company’s policy on bullying. Be prepared to report a bully and get formal help from your manager (if they are not the bully), the HR department, a trained mediator, a lawyer or your union representative
  • gather written, factual evidence of bullying incidents to back up your case against a bully
  • if no action is taken, as a last resort you may need to find another company to work for
  • support others who are being bullied by sharing these tips…stand together against bullies and refuse to be ‘divided and ruled’

Here are 7 top tips for dealing with bullying for employers or managers:

  • recruit your employees carefully…attitude and emotional intelligence are as important as skill set and experience
  • be curious about what’s prompting the behaviour of the bully and the bullied. There may be more to the situation than meets the eye and more holistic solutions can be found
  • provide assertiveness training and coaching for your team members – both people who need to be more assertive and people who are bullying can benefit from learning how to deal with difficult situations without a ‘parental’ intervention from the organisation
  • create a positive culture where there is zero tolerance for bullying
  • have a clear bullying and harassment policy
  • appoint a nominated person who is trainedto investigate and resolve any complaints
  • take decisive disciplinary action and be prepared to dismiss proven bullies who won’t change their ways

What have you found is an effective way to deal with bullying behaviour?

What’s your next step to becoming more successful in your personal, business and career ?

Discover some choices below.

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UK

 

 

Warm wishes, Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Special Offers, Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

 

Special Offers and Dates for Your Diary

Free Confidential Coaching Discovery Session

 Is creating a more rewarding personal, career or business life a must for you in 2015?

If your answer is yes check out these this 121 coaching opportunity.

I have 2 Free Coaching Discovery sessions left to give away this month

During that 60 minute session, we’ll:

  • discuss where you are with your life, career or business and any challenges you face
  • uncover hidden barriers to your success.
  • get clear about the life, career or business you’d like to enjoy

Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and confident about making this year your best year yet.

We can meet at my coaching room in Cambridge (CB4 1LN) or over Skype or telephone.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me and tell me what days/times would suit you:  madeleine@growu.co.uk

Useful Links

Link to previous week’s blog entry:  How to Remember people's name

Free Confidence ecourse

Free ebook – The Success Ladder: How to Succeed at Any Goal

"I've just read Madeleine's 'The Success Ladder' over the weekend. What a great easy and effective guide for any aspiring leader. It's very easy to read and most importantly the actions are very powerful which I've already started to implement. Thank you Madeleine and I look forward to sharing my success with you :-)" Adrian Peck

Free report on 21 ways to add 100k to your profits

7 Secrets About Personal and Business Success You Can Learn From SCUBA Diving

Quotes of the Week about Bullying

  • “One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.” Michael J Fox
  • “What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life?” Lynette Mather
  • “If bullies actually believe that somebody loves them and believes in them, they will love themselves, they will become better people, and many will even become saviours to the bullied.” Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

 

15Jun/150

How to Remember People’s Names: 60 Seconds to Confidence Tip 120

Life Coaching and Confidence Coaching

7 Top Tips for Remembering People’s Name

Have you ever had the embarrassing experience of being introduced to someone and then instantly forgetting their name?

Or maybe, as I experienced at a networking meeting a few weeks ago, being warmly greeted by name by someone you don’t know well and who you haven’t seen for a while and you can’t return the favour because you can’t remember their name.

“Hi…er…you!” just doesn’t cut it, does it?

I tried to fudge the issue by manoeuvring myself to see what was on his name badge, only to find it had fallen on the floor. We chatted for a while but the name issue was playing on my mind. Then I introduced him to someone else hoping that he would tell them who he was.

Of course, I should have just  politely admitted that I’d forgotten his name and asked him to tell me. Then I could have given all my attention to him instead of my faux pas…or mal memory, to be more accurate.

Why is it so hard for many of us to remember names? Here are some ideas:

  • We’ve got too much to think about when we meet people
    • Research shows that, subconsciously,we’re busy making 11 judgements about the person in the first 30 seconds
    • Then we’re also likely to be thinking about ourselves – what to say, how we’re coming across etc.
  • Then there’s the way memory works. If you’re like me, for instance, and you have a visual memory it’s less likely that you’ll remember a name because it’s a sound.

Why should we care about remembering names?
There are so many great reasons to improve your ability to remember people’s names.

    1. Rapport building
People are more likely to feel we know them and like them if we’ve taken the trouble to remember their name. They are more likely to like us in return. How can that help?

(a) It speeds up the process of people becoming friends

(b) It makes prospects more likely to buy from us and clients more likely to stay loyal. Have you ever been impressed by and enjoyed the fact that a waiter has remembered you when you return to your favourite restaurant? It’s the power of the personal touch.

(c) It helps create good team relationships quickly.
      2 . It strengthens our network of contacts - social, business and career
 

(a) People are more likely to feel connected to us and so include us in their networks and introduce us to opportunities.

     3. Getting the Best Out of People

(a) I remember a client who had worked for Richard Branson feeling very special because although she didn’t report directly to him, he knew her name and took the trouble to speak to her at staff gatherings. She was a talented lady and she felt loyal to the company because he remembered her.

(b) When I used to be a teacher, I found that once I’d learned the names of the students I had better rapport with them…so they were more likely to be open to new ideas, learning and sharing their thoughts with me. I experience the same now, with the groups of managers I train.

       4. Authority

As a teacher, when I had groups of 30+ to manage, I soon learned that an essential survival tool was to learn the names of the students as quickly as possible. I was able to assert better discipline if things looked like they might get out of hand. ‘Hey, you!’ just didn’t have the same effect.
I’ve found this habit of learning names quickly is still very useful when delivering training for adults when getting a talkative group to listen to each other. :)

       5. Making Connections and Strengthen Relationships

(a) When I’m training a group of strangers, I find it helps the group to enjoy working together and interacting better if I do some ‘ice breaking’ exercises that help the delegates learn each other’s names quicker. The same is true of a new team.

(b) When you’re networking or at a party with people you’ve met before but don’t know well, it’s easier to go up to them and start another conversation if you remember their name, and…

       6…Remembering Names Saves You Embarrassment and Increases Your Social Confidence 

7 Top Tips for Remembering People’s Name

So…how can we improve our ability to remember people’s names? Here are 7 Top Tips:

  1. When You Meet, Repeat

When you get someone’s name try to insert the name into what you’re saying.  For example, if the man in front of you says his name is Patrick, say, “Hi, Patrick, nice to meet you.” Or ask a question with his name at the end. When you’re saying goodbye, make sure to use the name again.

  1. Spell It

If the name is unusual, ask the person to spell it out. If you picture the name being spelled out, this technique can be helpful if you have a visual memory. If they have a business card you can read their name – another way of fixing their name in your visual memory. When you type their name into your contact database later, add some visual information to help you connect the person with the name.

  1. Make Associations and Connections with the Name and the Person

I remember I was on a course where there was a person named Catherine. Her face was a little cat-like and so I connected the 2 ideas to help me remember her name.

  1. Make Remembering Their Name Your Goal

One of the reasons why we find it hard to remember a person’s name is because we haven’t set out to do it in the first place. We’ve made other things more important and the need to focus on remembering has come as an after-thought, when it’s too late.

  1. Locations Can Help You Recall Names

For instance, it can be easier to remember a person’s name when you remember where you met them. In fact, you may have experienced having seen a colleague from work while you’re out shopping and had a mental blank about their name.
So connect people to settings and mentally place people you’ve met in lots of settings to help you recognise them when you’re out and about.

  1. At Least Remember the Person

If you really can’t remember their name, if you can remember something else about them that you can feed back to them, such as what they do for a living or a hobby, they will be more ready to forgive that you can’t remember their name.

  1. Practice Makes Perfect

The outcomes of making the effort to remember people’s names will bring you many personal, career and business rewards.

What’s your next step to becoming more successful in your personal, business and career,  ?

Discover some choices below.

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UK

 

 

Warm wishes, Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Special Offers, Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

Special Offers and Dates for Your Diary

Free Confidential Coaching Discovery Session

Is creating a more rewarding personal, career or business life a must for you in 2015?

If your answer is yes check out these this 121 coaching opportunity.

I have 2 Free Coaching Discovery sessions left to give away this month

During that 60 minute session, we’ll:

  • discuss where you are with your life, career or business and any challenges you face
  • uncover hidden barriers to your success.
  • get clear about the life, career or business you’d like to enjoy

Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and confident about making this year your best year yet.

We can meet at my coaching room in Cambridge (CB4 1LN) or over Skype or telephone.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me and tell me what days/times would suit you: madeleine@growu.co.uk

Memory Quotes of the Week

  • “No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.” Abraham Lincoln
  • “There’s never been a man in history who led a life of ease whose name is worth remembering.” Theodore Roosevelt
  • “I always have trouble remembering 3 things: faces, names and – I can’t remember the third thing is.” Fred Allen
  • “At my age, the only problem is remembering names. I call everyone darling but it has damn all to do with how passionately I feel about them. I feel safe calling them that. Although I do adore them to.” Richard Attenborough

Useful Links

Link to previous week’s blog entry: How To Know When to Give Up and When to Give Going:60 Seconds to Confidence Tip 118

Free Confidence ecourse

Free ebook – The Success Ladder: How to Succeed at Any Goal

"I've just read Madeleine's 'The Success Ladder' over the weekend. What a great easy and effective guide for any aspiring leader. It's very easy to read and most importantly the actions are very powerful which I've already started to implement. Thank you Madeleine and I look forward to sharing my success with you :-)" Adrian Peck

Free report on 21 ways to add 100k to your profits

7 Secrets About Personal and Business Success You Can Learn From SCUBA Diving

 

 

   
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