Building Self Confidence Blog
14Apr/150

How to Speak Your Mind Confidently: Confidence Tip 112

 Life Coaching and Confidence CoachingHave you ever wished you hadn’t kept quiet?

As a confidence coach, I often hear clients say things like:

  • “I’m nervous about speaking up in meetings at work, especially when my boss is there.”
  • “I didn’t present my business at the networking meeting because I don’t like it when the spotlight is on me.”
  • “I didn’t start a conversation with that women because I thought she was out of my league.”
  • “I didn’t ask for the salary I wanted because I thought they’d say, ‘No!’
  • “I don’t like to speak up when my step-children do something wrong because I might upset their father.”
  • “I don’t ask people to pay what my services are worth because they might not buy at all.”
  • “I daren’t complain to my partner about the way they treat me because they might fly off the handle.”

Many of these clients are also very capable managers, professionals and business owners.

When I ask them, “What has this reluctance to confront issues, put yourself in the spotlight, speak your mind, or ask for what you’re worth, cost you?”

They often say things like:

  • “a promotion”
  • “happy relationships”
  • “thousands of pounds”
  • “my self-esteem”
  • “a frustrating life”
  • “stress”
  • “wasted time”
  • …and much more.

If it costs so much, why do we still fail to speak up or speak our minds?

Often it’s because we fear we’ll make things worse, look stupid or we’ll be rejected.

Yet have you noticed that the most successful people in their personal, career and business lives are the people who are good at speaking their mind or speaking up? They don’t hide their light under a bushel. Nor do they ‘put up and shut up’.

So…how can we gain the courage to speak our mind or speak up when we get the opportunity?

If you’ve ever wished you hadn’t kept quiet, this week’s success tips will increase your courage to speak your mind or speak up.

5 Top Tips for Speaking Up Confidently

1. Get leverage on yourself. We often stop ourselves speaking up because we’re counting the cost of doing it and it going wrong and the benefits of avoiding speaking up.

People who have confidence to speak up think about the benefits of speaking their mind and it going right and the costs of not speaking up. So switch your focus e.g. Work out how much playing it safe is costing you in terms of your self-esteem, profits or salary, happiness in your relationship, promotion and other opportunities.

Think about the opportunities and rewards that can come with speaking up. After all, you may be giving someone a chance to say, ‘yes’ to your ideas, prices etc. One of my clients won a 13% pay rise the first year she started speaking up more in meetings, presenting at work events and putting forward ideas to senior staff members

2. You can minimise the dangers of speaking your mind or speaking up by learning how to do it skilfully. Take opportunities to be coached in communication skills such as networking, presentation skills, conflict management, selling, relationship skills and negotiating. That client I mentioned who got the 13% pay rise also got a merit rise and a promotion to a management role the more skilful she became at communicating.

3. People who have more confidence to speak up or speak their mind often prepare what they’re going to say. It’s more difficult to trust ourselves to speak up or speak our minds if we’re angry, stressed, nervous or just haven’t thought it through.By taking time to prepare what you’re going to say, you can take a step back, see things from many perspectives and think of the most compelling arguments and ideas as well as persuasive communication styles.

If you don’t have time to prepare, see if you can negotiate time to go away and think about something or buy time by asking more questions about a topic first rather than pressurizing yourself to give an answer.

 

4. People who have more confidence to speak up or speak their mind are often flexible in their communication style. They adjust the way they communicate to suit the audience. For instance, if you have a boss or client who likes facts, give them lots of facts to support your ideas or the price you’re asking. If your boss or client is excited by innovative ideas, focus on how innovative your ideas are.

5. People who have more confidence to speak up and are more successful at speaking their minds often listen carefully to the other person first. They stop focussing inward on what they should say or want to say. Why does this work? For two reasons. The first is because when we forget about ourselves our confidence grows. The second is that when we listen to others we learn what’s important to them. When we know that, we become better at negotiating win-wins and presenting persuasive arguments and ideas. We’re more likely to say things they’ll be open to hearing and interested in.

What’s your next step to becoming more successful at speaking up and speaking your mind in your personal, business and career?

Discover some choices below.

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UKWarm wishes, Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Special Offers, Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

Special Offers and Dates for Your Diary

1. Free Confidential Coaching Discovery Session

Is creating a more rewarding personal, career or business a must for you in 2015? 
If your answer is yes check out these this 121 coaching opportunity.

I have 1 Free Coaching Discovery sessions left to give away in March

During that 60 minute session, we’ll:

  • discuss where you are with your life, career or business and any challenges you face
  • uncover hidden barriers to your success.
  • get clear about the life, career or business you’d like to enjoy

Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and confident about making 2015 your best year yet.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me and tell me what days/times would suit you: madeleine@growu.co.uk

2. Accountability Club Business Growth Programme Launching Thursday May 7th 

Are you frustrated by the slow growth of your business? Is your business experiencing growing pains? Would you like to make more money and have more fun growing your business? Then the Accountability Club Business Growth Programme could be just what your business needs…there are only 5 places left so hurry and grab the opportunity. Click here for more details

Quotes of the Week about Speaking Your Mind

  • “When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret.” Shannon L Alder
  • “Take the time to make some sense for what you wanna say,
    And cast your words away upon the waves… So say it loud and sing it proud today.” Noel Gallagher
  • “It could be disastrous to speak your mind while you are deep in thought.” C.J. Langenhoven
  • “Wise men speak because they have something to say. Fools speak because they have to say something.” Plato
  • “Speak when you’re angry and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” Lawrence J. Peter
  • “Do not break your silence to create war between people, but speak the truth that heals.” Wayne Chirisa

Useful Links

"I've just read Madeleine's 'The Success Ladder' over the weekend. What a great easy and effective guide for any aspiring leader. It's very easy to read and most importantly the actions are very powerful which I've already started to implement. Thank you Madeleine and I look forward to sharing my success with you :-)" Adrian Peck

9Apr/150

How to Stop Feeling Anxious Now: Confidence Tip 111

Life Coaching and Confidence CoachingIf you’ve ever felt anxious, you’ll know what a paralysing feeling it can be.

Too much anxiety can kill your motivation, cause you to procrastinate, stop you seeing obvious solutions, drain your courage and make you feel like you’re trapped in a cage of fear.

This level of anxiety is rarely tamed for long by reassuring comments and advice from others but there are some strategies you can use to help you tame and even benefit from your anxious feelings.

Yes, benefit!

You can use your emotions rather than your emotions controlling you.

All your emotions have a purpose. They are there to prompt you to take useful action to make your relationships, your life, your career or your business the way you want them to be. If you ignore the low-level prompt to action, your anxiety may shout louder to get your attention.

So if you avoid or try to ignore your anxiety you could be losing out.

It’s common to feel a certain level of anxiety and uncertainty when you’re faced with new challenges, new situations and new people.

In these situations, low-level anxiety and uncertainty can actually help you in these ways. It can:

  • Motivate you to solve a problem quickly – think of the positive influence a tight deadline can have, for instance
  • Sharpen your awareness of risk and trigger off healthy risk management strategies
  • Make you pay more attention
  • Motivate you to prepare
  • Ignite your courage
  • Force you to be creative – ‘necessity is the mother of invention,’ they say
  • Energise you to take action more quickly

A life without anxiety may be a sign that you’re not moving out of your comfort zone enough or that you’re complacent. It can make life boring and predictable.

Anxiety and excitement are often really close relatives. We pay good money to be made anxious sometimes – hence the attraction of the roller coaster and horror films.

How to Tame Anxiety 

So how can we stop low-level, useful anxiety or pressure becoming high-level paralysing anxiety?

  • Write down what you fear or are anxious about. Oddly, sometimes just doing that can help you get a more calm perspective on it.
  • Take deep, slow and relaxing breaths. When you pay total attention to your breathing it can switch off your anxious thoughts long enough for you to rebalance.
  • Take exercise to help your body get rid of the extra adrenalin that anxiety can cause your body to produce.
  • Get clear about what you want instead of the thing you are anxious about e.g. I want to have a win-win conversation. I want my presentation to be well received. I want to get the job.
  • Make a list of all the positive and useful things you could do to stop the worst case scenario happening and make the best case scenario happen.
  • Take appropriate action. Let action ‘kill the doubt’
  • Talk your anxieties over with someone who is skilled at helping you to transform your anxieties, such as a coach or mentor

If you do these things regularly, you will strengthen your mind’s ability to act calmly and resourcefully in the face of big challenges. You will also enjoy the excitement and success that facing and overcoming new challenges can bring.

What’s your next step to becoming more positive, confident and successful in your personal life, business and career?

Discover some choices below.

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UKWarm wishes, Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Special Offers, Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

Special Offers and Dates for Your Diary

Free Confidential Coaching Discovery Session

Is creating a more rewarding personal, career or business life a must for you in 2015?

If your answer is yes check out this 121 coaching opportunity.

I have 1 Free Coaching Discovery sessions left to give away in March.

During that 60 minute session, we’ll:

  • discuss where you are with your life, career or business and any challenges you face
  • uncover hidden barriers to your success.
  • get clear about the life, career or business you’d like to enjoy

Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and confident about making 2015 your best year yet.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me and tell me what days/times would suit you: madeleine@growu.co.uk

  1. Accountability Club Business Growth Programme Launching Thursday May 7th

Are you frustrated by the slow growth of your business? Is your business experiencing growing pains? Would you like to make more money and have more fun growing your business? Then the Accountability Club Business Growth Programme could be just what your business needs…there are only 5 places left so hurry and grab the opportunity.  Click here for more details

Quotes of the Week about Anxiety

  • “I’ve experienced many dreadful things in my life and some of them actually happened.” Mark Twain.
  • “Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” Soren Kierkegaard

Useful Links

"I've just read Madeleine's 'The Success Ladder' over the weekend. What a great easy and effective guide for any aspiring leader. It's very easy to read and most importantly the actions are very powerful which I've already started to implement. Thank you Madeleine and I look forward to sharing my success with you :-)" Adrian Peck

 

2Apr/150

How to Think Positively: Confidence Tip 110

Life Coaching and Confidence CoachingA friend of mine went to a business conference recently. When he got back, I asked him how it went. He said, ‘It was just how I thought it would be…boring, lonely and a complete waste of time.”

His experience reminded me of a valuable thing to remember:

“Thoughts can become things, so choose the good ones!” Mike Dooley

Did my friend’s thoughts become self-fulfilling? I wonder if there were other people who went home after that conference energised and inspired having found interesting things to do and people to meet?

But…if you’ve ever tried consistently to think positively, you’ll probably be saying to yourself, ‘Thinking positively is easier said than done!’

After all, we tend to be surrounded by bad news. We may often be in the company of negative thinking people. We’re more wired to see obstacles and things that are wrong than opportunities and things that are right. And…sometimes… we choose to be right rather than to be happy!

One way we can train our minds to turn away from negativity and to focus on positive thoughts is by asking questionsOur brains are question answering machines…our neck-top computers.

In addition, to ask questions, we need to be in a curious frame of mind. You can’t be negative and curious at the same time and you don’t have to be positive to be curious. So curiosity is a great bridge that can take us from our negative states, such as worry, anger, depression, hurt, and fear, to positive ones.

Top Tips for Creating and Maintaining Positive Thoughts 

So here are some curious questions to ask yourself every day to help you train your mind in a positive direction and create positive things. If you want people around you to think more positively, ask them these questions too.

  • What can I/you be grateful for?
  • What can I/you appreciate about myself/yourself/someone else?
  • What have I/you done that I/you can feel proud of today?
  • What do I/you already have (skills, resources etc.) that will help me/you achieve…?
  • How can I/you make this turn out well?
  • How can I/you create a win-win in this situation?
  • How can I/you improve my/your relationships?

By answering these positively focussed questions regularly you can:

  • Build your career, business and personal confidence
  • Pour positive energy and inspiration into difficult situations and relationships
  • Have more fun on the journey

This is different to airy fairy positive thinking. Your questions will help you find the evidence that it’s realistic to feel and think positively in your situation.

What new questions do you need to ask yourself so that you can create a new and more positive life?

What’s your next step to becoming more positive, confident and successful in your personal life, business and career?

Discover some choices below.

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UKWarm wishes, Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Special Offers, Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

Special Offers and Dates for Your Diary

  1. Free Confidential Coaching Discovery Session

Is creating a more rewarding personal, career or business life a must for you in 2015?

If your answer is yes check out this 121 coaching opportunity.

I have 1 Free Coaching Discovery session left to give away in March.

During that 60 minute session, we’ll:

  • discuss where you are with your life, career or business and any challenges you face
  • uncover hidden barriers to your success.
  • get clear about the life, career or business you’d like to enjoy

Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and confident about making 2015 your best year yet.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me and tell me what days/times would suit you: madeleine@growu.co.uk

 2. Accountability Club Business Growth Programme Launching Thursday May 7th

Are you frustrated by the slow growth of your business? Is your business experiencing growing pains? Would you like to make more money and have more fun growing your business? Then the Accountability Club Business Growth Programme could be just what your business needs…there are only 5 places left so hurry and grab the opportunity. Click here for more details

Quotes of the Week about Positive Thinking

  • “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”  Abraham Lincoln
  • “Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.” Helen Keller
  • “If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will overcome your immediate problems and find you are ready for greater challenges.” Pat Riley
  • “You're going to go through tough times - that's life. But I say, 'Nothing happens to you, it happens for you.' See the positive in negative events.” Joel Osteen
  • “You've done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.” Ralph Marston

Useful Links

"I've just read Madeleine's 'The Success Ladder' over the weekend. What a great easy and effective guide for any aspiring leader. It's very easy to read and most importantly the actions are very powerful which I've already started to implement. Thank you Madeleine and I look forward to sharing my success with you :-)" Adrian Peck

 

   
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