Building Self Confidence Blog
28Aug/140

How Can You Make Changes Stick? Confidence Tips #82

Here’s your Confidence tip for this week.

The other day I drowned my laptop. I think it’s a terrible design fault that laptops and liquids don’t mix.

feedburner-logoBuying my new laptop forced me to upgrade to Windows 8.1 and Microsoft Office 2013 and this gave me an idea for this week’s tip.

You know that frustrating period when you make a change but you keep doing the old thing? That’s what I’m going though at the moment as I get used some of the new layout and keep expecting things to be in the old places.

My experience got me thinking about my clients. During my coaching and training sessions with them they often upgrade their ‘operating system’ and ‘mental software’ with new beliefs and skills. But sometimes it takes a while for the new stuff to become a habit, so that they can do it without thinking when they re-enter the busy-ness of their lives.

Giving attention to how to make your changes stick is as important to your success as learning new things and resolving to change.

So I thought I’d share 7 ideas to help you make personal changes stick and stop you reverting back to old habits:

  1. Sometimes it’s just a matter of having the patience to make the mistake and correct it until you ‘get it’. Like me using the new software on my laptop. They say it takes 21 days to create a new habit.
  1. It can be useful set alarms and post reminders on your phone, your fridge or…? This is good for things you want to remember to do regularly and that need to be scheduled. For instance, things like remembering to keep a ‘Success Diary’ every day to build your confidence and sense of satisfaction in life. Or remembering to take your vitamins or plan the next day at the end of the previous one. 
  1. Try mental rehearsal- imagine yourself doing the new behaviour. For instance, if you want to behave confidently in a sales meeting, while giving a presentation or on a romantic date, imagine yourself being that way. Keep rehearsing until the new behaviour and feelings become automatic and feel more like you.
  1. Ask yourself ‘power’ questions every day that are related to the change you want to make. For instance, a client of mine has set himself to complete an Iron Man challenge in 6 months’ time. He was finding it hard to have the discipline to train regularly…the event seemed so far off. As we talked, he realised that being an Iron Man was not just something he would become on the event day but something that had to become a way of life, before the event. And…he would get far more benefit from the challenge if he did make it a daily way of being. So one of the techniques we used to help him become an Iron Man was to get him to ask himself every day, ‘How have I thought and acted like an Iron Man today?’ He used point 2 to help him remember to do this.

Whatever quality you want to develop…more confidence, more courage, more kindness, more curiosity, more wisdom, more gratitude…ask yourself a ‘power’ question every day to keep your attention powerfully on your goal and the change you seek. What kinds of questions? Try these:

  • How have I been more confident/courageous/ loving/organised/…today?
  • What have I learned today?
  1. If the change involves or affects others, get their helpFor instance, if you want to lose weight ask your family and friends not to tempt you with sugary ‘treats’. If you want to use your time better at work, ask your colleagues or your team to make some adjustments in their behaviour. For instance, to leave you to focus on a task without interruptions at certain times of the day. Convey how they will benefit if they do.
  1. Make sure the change is really important to you.Then remind yourself of all the things you’ll gain by making it and all the things you’ll lose if you don’t.
  1. The easiest promises to break are the ones we make to ourselves. Hire a coach to help you monitor your progress and be accountable for the changes you want to commit to. A coach will help you keep your resolve and think of creative ways to keep the change. 

Your Action This Week

  1. Pick a new habit you’d like to create
  2. Use as many of the ‘making the change stick’ techniques I’ve suggested as  you find helpful…or think of other ones you can use.

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership Mentor, Cambridge UKI’d love to know how you get on.

Warm wishes

Madeleine

 

P.S. Check out the Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

Useful Links

 

Quote of the Week

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” Albert Einstein

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” Barack Obama

Filed under: Uncategorized No Comments
20Aug/140

Are your talents the world’s best kept secret? Confidence Tips #81

 

Here’s your Confidence tip for this week.

Building Self Confidence Life Coaching Cambridge

If you’re:

  • a business owner and feel that getting new clients is hard work or
  • an employee who is tired of all the effort it takes to get a new job, or a promotion…

…you’ll like this week’s tip.

 

Last week, I had quite a surprise.

I was contacted by an enthusiastic and creative entrepreneur living in New Zealand. Her name is Zuricka, and she wanted to see if I would contribute my expertise as part of a very special business service she is creating.

This service will help new entrepreneurs who want to earn their first £100k as fast and as simply as possible to do that with confidence and skill.

As well as being excited about the project, I was also very curious. How did someone living in New Zealand discover me in Cambridgeshire?And…what made her contact me out of all the more local experts she could have spoken to?

As it turned out, she had been researching on the internet and found an article I’d posted to a website called www.ezinearticles.com, where I’d outlined a simple and effective career or business success plan. I’d written that article about six years ago and I’ve since turned it into a book called The Success Ladder.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been ‘head hunted’. The Cambridge Edition magazine recently asked me to contribute to some wise words on developing your career, while BBC Radio Cambridgeshire have invited me to speak on goal setting and other life coaching topics several times.

All this free publicity for my coaching and training programmes is all very well but how does this apply to you?

Well, do you want to be a ‘bee’ buzzing around and exhausting yourself while trying to attract clients or employers or do you want to be the ‘honey pot’ that has those people flying towards you?

How you could get noticed…for the right things…in such a way that you could open up business and career opportunities?

Your Action for This Week

  1. Decide what valuable expertise you want to be known for.

  2. Find ways to demonstrate your expertise by sharing useful information. This way, you don’t have to boast about what you know, you demonstrate it through being helpful. And…you don’t have to be a great writer, you can create short videos. It has never been easier to get published.

You can post your expertise on:

  • Your website
  • Your blog
  • Your LinkedIn profile
  • YouTube channel
  • Your employer’s online knowledge base
  • Relevant forums
  • And …?

You can put links to these in your CV and your marketing materials.

  1. Share your expertise and experience generously. I don’t mean by being a know-it-all or jumping in with your solutions where they’re not welcome. A client of mine came to understand how to share his expertise very well and was recently asked to apply for a management position, which he got. Part of the reason was that he became good at mentoring new people. He also made projects successful by passing on things he had learned about the customers’ needs to the sales, marketing and software development departments so the company sold more and had more satisfied clients. He was promoted ahead of a colleague who was more guarded and used to keep what he knew to himself.

 

Madeleine Morgan Life Coach and Confidence Coach CambridgeWarm wishes

Madeleine

 

P.S. Check out the Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below. 

Useful Links

Quotes of the Week

“Of course I'm a publicity hound. Aren't all crusaders? How can you accomplish anything unless people know what you are trying to do?” Vivien Kellems

“What kills the skunk is the publicity it gives itself.” Abraham Lincoln

Testimonials 

“The Dealing with Difficult Conversations Assertively course was very helpful and has opened my eyes to using different approaches towards staff and myself.”
Louise Hounsome, Manager, Cambridgeshire

“I now feel skilled at dealing with difficult situations in a busy environment and achieve more in less time. I also enjoy my social life more because I'm in control at work. It was really helpful to have private coaching because I could be totally open and honest and Madeleine tailored the programme to my needs.”

Ruth Alltree Manager, Cambridgeshire

“We are a successful web design company but we knew that we could do even better.
Since Madeleine has been coaching and training the Realnet team we’ve experienced the following benefits:

Projects get completed faster
Team work has improved
Our client service is more skilled and effective
Our sales meetings are more successful

Madeleine’s warm and enthusiastic manner has made the process enjoyable.
She is also skilled at adapting her coaching style to get the best out of our different personalities.”
Kari Sewell, Project Manager, Realnet, Cambridgeshire

11Aug/140

What do you mean? Confidence Tips #80

Coaching and Training for ManagersHere’s your Confidence tip for this week. Also a reminder that the early bird rate for the Difficult Conversations Workshop ends today. Click here for details.

I was reading the posts on my Facebook account over the weekend. My attention was caught by a post giving examples of the difference between what people say and what they, sometimes, actually mean. For instance:

  • ‘That’s one way of looking at it,’ meaning, ‘That’s the wrong way to look at it.’
  • ‘Right then, I should start possibly thinking of making a move’ meaning, ‘Bye!’
  • ‘With all due respect,’ meaning, ‘I’m going to disagree with you in the most blunt way.’
  • ‘I don’t mind,’ meaning, ‘I do mind but I haven’t got the courage to state a preference.’
  • ‘Of course I will,’ meaning, ‘I’m afraid to say ‘no’ but I’m going to complain about you for asking to someone else.’

It’s called ‘inferential speakingwhen we hope people will read between the lines and get the hint or when we don’t think we’ll get away with speaking our minds.

Sometimes it can be appropriately tactful or even funny and at other times frustrating for the Speaker and well as the Listener.

The Speaker, in their attempt to be diplomatic, avoid trouble or just hope that the Listener gets the hint, can be seen as being manipulative, weak and even cowardly by more direct speakers.

The Listener can feel irritated when they find themselves in trouble for taking things literally or become frustrated when their attempts to give you what you want fail.

Your action this week

Here are some tips to help you deal with this difficult kind of conversation:

  • Notice the feedback you’re getting from your communication style – does your style get you what you want? If not, it’s definitely time for a change!
  • If you’re overly indirect, experiment with a more positively direct style. For instance, say what you want rather than, ‘I don’t mind’ if you really do have a preference. In this instance, ‘I have a right to ask and you have a right to refuse, and vice versa’ can be useful beliefs.
  • If you’re the kind of person who prefers people to be direct with you, tell people. And… really do react positively when people are, so that you build trust.

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership Mentor, Cambridge UKWarm wishes

Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

Useful Links

Quote of the Week

“The trouble with troublesome people is that they often have much to teach to those they trouble.”

Testimonials

"I now feel skilled at dealing with difficult situations in a busy environment and achieve more in less time. I also enjoy my social life more because I'm in control at work. It was really helpful to have private coaching because I could be totally open and honest and Madeleine tailored the programme to my needs.”

Ruth Alltree Manager, Cambridgeshire

“We are a successful web design company but we knew that we could do even better.
Since Madeleine has been coaching and training the Realnet team we’ve experienced the following benefits:

Projects get completed faster
Team work has improved
Our client service is more skilled and effective
Our sales meetings are more successful

 Madeleine’s warm and enthusiastic manner has made the process enjoyable.
She is also skilled at adapting her coaching style to get the best out of our different personalities.”
Kari Sewell, Project Manager, Realnet, Cambridgeshire

Filed under: Uncategorized No Comments
5Aug/140

What Can You Do About a Draining Relationship? Confidence Tips #79

Here’s your Confidence tip for this week. And a reminder…there are only 3 places left on my ‘Dealing with Difficult Conversations Workshop.

Building Self Confidence Life Coaching CambridgeAre you in a draining, frustrating and stressful personal or work relationship?

For instance, do you feel you have any of these relationship issues with that person:

  • You can’t do anything right and they’re constantly criticizing?
  • It’s all about them and very rarely about you?
  • You’re less confident when you’re around them?
  • They’re not open to considering your ideas?
  • They’re holding you back in some way?

It’s very human and tempting to find the nearest sympathetic ear to complain to, isn't it? Especially if that sympathetic person is someone who feels like you do about that difficult person…but doesn't have the skill to help you...so you end up having a complaining fest.

This kind of conversation doesn't make the problem go away, does it?

Ahh…wouldn't it be great if it did? :)

So how can you get the best out of such a difficult relationship? Here are 3 tips:

Your Relationship Boosting Actions This Week

  1. Check your part in creating the difficult relationship and change it if you have one. For instance, have you trained them to undervalue you by being too passive a listener or backing off too easily? Are you underestimating your power and allowing them to hold you back? Do you accept excuses too easily?
  1. Decide what kind of relationship you want with this person – it’s easier for your unconscious mind to inspire you to confident and constructive action if it knows what you want. Your mind forgets all its wisdom when you’re focussed on what you don’t want and what you fear will happen if you do something about it.
  1. If they’re critical of you, curiously investigate why they think the way they do and ask them to give you examples. If they can’t give you any, they may think twice about throwing ill thought-out criticisms at you in future. If they can give examples, you may need to adjust how you behave.

Want to discover more? Try this:
How to Deal With Difficult Conversations and Behaviour Assertively Workshop
Thursday 14th August 2014, Cambridge, 8.45 a.m. – 1 p.m
. Only 3 places left.

Are you:

  • Avoiding talking about a difficult subject that needs to be aired at work?
  • Or maybe you have employees and team members who are difficult to manage?

Then this half-day workshop for professionals, managers, owner managers and aspiring managers about how to remain assertive and in control of difficult people situations is for you. Click here for more details

“The Dealing with Difficult People Made Easier” seminar was a really enjoyable and thought-

provoking session, thank you.”

Louise Rushworth, Cambridge Corporate Gateway Manager, Cambridge Network.

Or this: 1-2-1 Complimentary Win-Win Relationship Coaching Discovery Session

Do you feel that there are some work or personal relationships you need to tackle but you’re not sure how? Are you feeling frustrated because you’ve tried everything you can think of to change them?

I have 2 complimentary spaces for 1-2-1 Win-Win Coaching Discovery Sessions this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are with your working or personal relationships. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear about how you’d like your relationships to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

WarMadeleine Morgan Life Coach and Confidence Coach Cambridgem wishes

Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

Useful Links

 

Quotes of the Week

"If you have some respect for people as they are, you can be more effective in helping them to become better than they are." John W. Gardner

"I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to." - Unknown

 

   
realnet - websites that perform