Building Self Confidence Blog
29Apr/140

A Magic Formula for Curing Stress: Confidence Tips #64

Success for ManagersHave you ever pictured a future event and imagined it turning out badly?

Has your negative imagination ever stopped you saying or doing something for fear of failure?

It might sound like:

  • “I know what they’ll say…”
  • “I might as well not bother even trying to...”
  • “They’ll probably think it’s too…”

Mark Twain once said, “I’ve had many terrible experiences in my life…and some of them actually happened!”

He realised that we have a huge ability to make up stories about the future…often horror stories rather than fairy tales…and then treat those stories as if they are real and inevitable.

When we’re worried, it’s hard for our mind to remember that whatever we are thinking about the future is just a story.

But…what if your mountains are really mole hills, and your dragons are really pussy cats, when approached in the right way? What work or personal opportunities would you have the courage to go for if you could see the future that way?

So what can you do when you are so worried that you don’t take action and are in danger of missing out on possible success? Here are 3 ideas:

1. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can possibly happen?”

Resolve to accept it if you have to.

Then calmly plan and take action to prevent or improve on the worst.

2. Discover how you can use stress-dampening, stress training, stress proofing and stress prevention to manage your stress and the stress of others in this workshop: Stress Management for Managers Thursday 15th May, 8.45 – 12.45, Cambridge. Book soon to grab the early bird rate.
http://www.successformanagers.co.uk/stress-management-for-managers-workshop/

 “I found the seminar very helpful. A good explanation of every aspect with answers and advice tailored to specific and individual circumstances. I now have a greater perspective on how we can improve on productivity and reduce the issues by tackling stress in the office.”
Lee Green, Manager,Kloeber

3. If you’d prefera 1-2-1 approach, I’m offering a free From Stress to Success Discovery Session. I have only 2 slots available. We’ll discuss your stress levels in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to eliminating stress. We’ll get clear on how you can manage or elimate your stress. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWarm wishes

Madeleine

 

P.S. Check out the Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ and ‘Special Events’ listed below.

 

Useful Links

 

Special Events:

Successful Manager’s Toolkit Thursday 12th June, 9.00 – 4.30, Cambridge

http://www.successformanagers.co.uk/successful-managers-tool-kit/

 

Quote of the Week

“Fear is like a little darkroom where negatives are developed.” Michael Pritchard

22Apr/140

Why Won’t They Listen? Confidence Tips #63

Success for ManagersHow stress can make us deaf…and how to stop it:

Did you know that we can rapidly go from a normal heartbeat (about 82 beats per minute for women and 76 beats for men) to 165 beats per minute when we believe we’re at risk from harm? That’s not just physical harm but what we might interprete as mental and emotional ‘harm’…for instance, in a disagreement, trying to meet a tight deadline, presenting or when hearing what we imagine is ‘bad’ news.

Even more fascinating…research by psychologist Dr John Gottman also discovered that at 100 heart beats per minute you literally cannot hear what other people are saying to you… even if you try.

If you’ve ever tried to reason with someone who is experiencing that level of stress – either because of someone else’s actions or your own – it explains a lot, doesn’t it?

It also explains why it’s hard to reason ourselves out of stressed states such as anger, anxiety hurt, fear, frustration and guilt.

This flood of emotion can cause us to act like a drowning person, ignore the ‘life belt’ that others are throwing to us and causes us to flail around even more.

So what can you do when you are experiencing this emotional ‘hijack’? Here are 3 ideas:

1. Create a ‘time out’ for you and/or them to calm down. Wait until you feel calmer to avoid doing or saying anything you might regret.

2. Learn how to make your life easier, your business more profitable and your career more successful by joining this workshop Stress Management for Managers Thursday 15th May, 8.45 – 12.45, Cambridge. Book soon to grab the early bird rate. http://www.successformanagers.co.uk/stress-management-for-managers-workshop/

“I found the seminar very helpful. A good explanation of every aspect with answers and advice tailored to specific and individual circumstances. I now have a greater perspective on how we can improve on productivity and reduce the issues by tackling stress in the office."    Lee Green, Manager, Kloeber

3. If you’d prefer a 1-2-1 approach, I’m offering a free From Stress to Success Discovery Session. I have only 3 slots available. We’ll discuss your stress levels in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to eliminating stress. We’ll get clear on how you can manage or elimate your stress. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWarm wishes

Madeleine

 

P.S. Check out the Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ and ‘Special Events’ listed below.

 

Useful Links

Special Events: 

Successful Manager’s Toolkit Thursday 12th June, 9.00 – 4.30, Cambridge

http://www.successformanagers.co.uk/successful-managers-tool-kit/

 

Quote of the Week

‘Adopting a curious attitude can turn a negative stress into a positive one.’

15Apr/140

Don’t get mad, stupid: ConfidenceTips 62

“How Anger And Fear Can Make You Stupid…And How to Stop It...”

My tip this week is about anger management; how to stay in control even when your body is trying to do the opposite.

Success for ManagersHave you ever felt angry or anxious about something someone has said or done? Or have you ever said or done something that someone else felt angry or anxious about? Then this week’s tip will be valuable to you.

When we feel strong negative emotions like anger, fear, frustration, hurt and guilt our body/mind goes into stress mode.

That means our mind/body is getting ready to run away or fight.

Unfortunately, in stress mode, the chemical changes in our body supress our ability to solve problems and energise our muscles instead.

“So anger, hurt, anxiety, frustration, guilt and other powerful negative emotions can literally make us stupid!”

No wonder work and personal relationships can feel so difficult!

So what can you do when you, or others, are experiencing this emotional ‘hijack’?

Here are two top tips for you…

  • Focus on your breathing until you have calmed down. When you focus on your breathing it stops the thoughts that are fueling your stress and creates space for you to problem solve. This is part of a series of techniques I call ‘stress damping’.
  • Learn how to deal with other people who are stressed so that they don’t stress you and so that you can help them get back to a more resourceful state.

Would you like to know more?

I’m running this special workshop for you about how to manage stress.

Stress Management for ManagersThursday 15th May, 8.45 – 12.30, Cambridge. For more details, click  on the link: http://www.successformanagers.co.uk/stress-management-for-managers-workshop/

            “I found the seminar very helpful. A good explanation of every aspect with answers and advice tailored to specific and individual circumstances. I now have a greater perspective on how we can improve on productivity and reduce the issues by tackling stress in the office.”
Lee Green, Manager, Kloeber

 Or

If you’d prefer a 1-2-1 approach, I’m offering a free From Stress to Success Discovery Session. I have only 4 slots available. We’ll discuss your stress levels in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to eliminating stress. We’ll get clear on how you can manage or elimate your stress. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

 

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWarm wishes

Madeleine

 

P.S. Check out the Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ and ‘Special Events’ listed below.

 

Useful Links

 

Special Events:

Successful Manager’s Toolkit Thursday 12th June, 9.00 – 4.30, Cambridge

http://www.successformanagers.co.uk/successful-managers-tool-kit/

 

Quote of the Week

‘People who are stressed are often not immediately interested in finding solutions to problems. First they may want to express themselves and be understood.’

8Apr/140

Do You Feel Torn in Two? Confidence Tips #61

Success for ManagersDo you sometimes feel torn in two? As if a part of you wants to do and be something completely different to the other part of you?

For instance, does a part of you want to:

  • Give up and the other part wants you to carry on?
  • Be angry and the other part wants to forgive?
  • Be materially successful and the other part wants to be laid back, walk on the beach or spend more quality time with friends and family?
  • Love someone and part of you is afraid to?
  • Gain promotion or run your own business and part of you doesn’t want the risk and responsibility?
  • Lose weight and the other part wants to eat, eat, eat?
  • Be a great career success and the other wants to be a nurturing parent?

Then this legend will interest you:

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

One is destructive – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, denial, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, excuses, fear, and ego.

The other is constructive – It is joy, peace, love, curiosity, serenity, courage, kindness, confidence, empathy, generosity, truth, vitality, compassion and wisdom.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

How can you resolve the conflict and feed the part you really want to be healthy and strong? Here are 3 ideas:

  1. Understand the positive intention of the destructive or conflicting parts and find healthier ways to satisfy their needs.
  2. Gain the skills, resources and awareness you need to ‘feed’ the part of you that you want to win.
  3. Keep a record of the successes of your constructive part.

If you’d like guidance with this process, try this…1-2-1 Complimentary ‘Finding a Win-Win for the Parts’ Coaching Discovery Session

I have 4 complimentary spaces for 1-2-1 Discovery Sessions in April. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWarm wishes

 Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ and ‘Special Events’ listed below.

 

Useful Links

 Special Events:

Stress Management for Managers Thursday 15th May, 8.45 – 12.30, Cambridge

Successful Manager’s Toolkit Thursday 12th June, 9.00 – 4.30, Cambridge

 Quote of the Week

‘Coaching isn’t therapy. It’s product development…with you as the product.’ Fast Company

1Apr/140

Does It All Depend? Confidence Tips 60

Success for ManagersHave you ever felt the pressure to know all the answers?
Have you ever feared looking stupid when you don’t know?
Have you ever given advice and got a negative reaction?

If your answer is ‘yes’, today’s tip will help you feel confident in those situations.

As a coach, I get asked questions I can’t answer all the time, such as:

  • ‘Should I feel guilty about leaving my partner?’
  • ‘What should I do about my job?’
  • ‘Should I get a website?’
  • ‘Am I making a fuss about nothing?’
  • ‘How can I build my confidence, self-assurance and self-esteem?’
  • ‘Was my presentation any good?’
  • ‘What should I do about…?’
  • ‘Am I doing the right thing?’
  • ‘What can I say when my employees are being difficult?’
  • ‘How can I get more clients?’
  • ‘How much does your coaching cost?’

To all of those questions, I have to answer, ‘It depends.’

‘But surely it’s your job to have answers!’ I hear you cry.

‘What! You don’t know your own prices?’ I hear you exclaim.

Why can’t I answer those questions straight away?

Because I don’t have enough information.

And…often the reason why you don’t know the answer to a question, or your advice backfires, is not because you are stupid but because you don’t have enough information either.

When you use the words, ‘It depends’ it gives you the chance to ask more questions first – ones that will give you the information you need to give quality answers to their questions.

For instance:

To answer the question, ‘How much do your services cost?’ I’d have to say, ‘It depends. Let me ask you some questions. Then I’ll be able to answer. What do you want to achieve? Where are you starting from?’ ...etc.

That will only get us to a price. My services may cost you next to nothing compared to the value you get ….if you earn lots more money or gain a better quality of life because of them. I need to ask you other questions to help us establish that.

If you answer a question before you have enough information, you run the risk of being wrong, superficial or giving irrelevant advice.

Asking questions first helps you give better quality answers. They allow you to ‘diagnose’ the situation before you write your ‘prescription’. Asking great quality questions allows you to be confident, resourceful and wise in any situation.

Another for instance:

What’s the best thing to do about your career, business and relationships? It depends. Let me ask you some quality questions and I’ll tell you exactly what you want to know. 🙂

Try this…1-2-1 Complimentary Coaching Discovery Session

If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have 4 complimentary spaces for 1-2-1 Discovery Sessions in April.

During that session, I’ll ask you some great questions. We’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be.

Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWarm wishes

Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ and ‘Special Events’ listed below.

 

Useful Links

 Special Events:

Stress Management for Managers Thursday 15th May, 8.45 – 12.30, Cambridge

Successful Manager’s Toolkit Thursday 12th June, 9.00 – 4.30, Cambridge 

Quote of the Week

“Questions are the answer.” Allan Pease

 

   
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