Building Self Confidence Blog
22Feb/140

How to stay positive every day: Confidence Tips #54

If you’ve ever wished that a good mood would last longer or that you could remember to be positive, this week’s tip will be right up your street.

Our feelings are usually influenced by what we’re paying attention to.

So if we’re noticing all the:

  • things that are going wrong and the mistakes we’ve made
  • obstacles, pitfalls and dangers in our way
  • things we don’t want

we will feel negative.

If we pay attention to the positive things we feel positive.

Because of the way we’re ‘wired’, it’s often easier to give the negative aspects in our lives more attention.

So how can we develop the habit of paying attention to the positive things in life?

One way to maintain a positive focus is to ask ourselves positive questions…questions that get us to reflect on the things we have and want more of in our lives.

For instance:

  • What am I happy about in my life?
  • What am I excited about?
  • What am I enjoying most in my life?
  • What do I love? Who loves me?
  • What have I learned that will be positively useful for the future?
  • What have I achieved today?
  • What can I be grateful for today?

Which questions you choose depends on what you want more of in your life right now – money, creativity, joy, success, peace etc.

“The secret to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire, not things we fear.” Brian Tracy

Ask your positive questions every day and notice how your positive focus grows stronger and gets muscles. It’s like putting yourself in a gym for your mind. 🙂

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWarm wishes

Madeleine

 P.S. Check out the Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ and ‘Special Events’ listed below.

 

Useful Links

 Quote of the Week

“Life never calms down long enough for us to wait until tomorrow to start living the life we want”

15Feb/140

How to create relationship success: Confidence Tips #53

Here is your 60 Seconds to Successful Relationships Tip for this week. 

As we’re heading towards St. Valentine’s Day, it got me thinking about what makes effective working and fulfilling personal relationships.

Family members, managers, team members, customers and suppliers can sometimes be difficult to ‘love’, can’t they? 🙂

It can be hard to stay positive with them when they:

  • won’t talk things through constructively
  • are closed to new ideas
  • indulge in blame, excuses and denial
  • break their promises and commitments
  • burden you with problems or too much work
  • act aggressively, unprofessionally or immaturely
  • try to guilt trip you or act selfishly
  • Complain about you behind your back
  • Etc

If you’ve been feeling angry, hurt, disappointed or sad about the actions of a partner, friend, colleague, client or supplier, this week’s tip will be really useful for you. 

It’s especially important if you:

  • Tend to avoid conflict and create lots of win-lose situations for yourself
  • Haven’t been able to get rid of those negative feelings. Why? Because holding negative feelings about someone is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die! And…it blocks your creativity for resolving issues constructively.

Here’s a relationship habit my clients find really helpful.

When you’re in a negative situation with someone, just ask this simple question of yourself, in a CURIOUS tone of voice. “If I had a part to play in creating this situation, what was it?” Then take action according to your answer.

I asked a senior manager this question when he was angry about how often his team members came to him with problems for him to solve. ‘Why can’t they get on with it and stop wasting my time?!’ When he took time to reflect he realised that in various ways his management style encouraged them to rely on him too much.

When I asked it of a parent who was frustrated by his daughter’s lack of confidence, his answer made him realise that he had been (in his words) a ‘Dictator Dad’ and a ‘Knight-in-shining-armour Dad’ rather than an ‘Empowerer Dad’. We worked out some new ways he could relate to his daughter that quickly gave more positive results for both of them.

I asked the question of an aspiring manager who was disappointed and frustrated that she had been overlooked for a promotion even though she was doing a great job. Her answers made her realise that she had not spoken up in meetings and had avoided opportunities to raise her profile. She needed to develop more confidence as well as more influencing and presenting skills.

At first sight the question may seem to let others off the hook but actually it’s empowering in three ways:

  • As your part in any relationship is the only part that you are totally in control of, it’s a great place to start. You soon realise what you can do to change a situation e.g. by learning something new, changing your mindset and taking a positive action.
  • By holding yourself accountable you can then expect others to explore the part they are responsible for and change it too. As Gandhi said, ‘Be the change you seek.’
  • The curious tone helps to stops the blame, which often leads to guilt, defensiveness and lack of clarity.

If you’d like to find out more about how to transform difficult work or personal relationships into effective and fulfilling ones, here are 2 options:

1.    How to Deal With Difficult Conversations and Behaviour Assertively Workshop

February 27th 2014, Cambridge

Are you:

  • Avoiding talking about a difficult subject that needs to be aired at work?
  • Or maybe you have employees and team members who are difficult to manage? 

Then this half-day workshop about how to remain assertive and in control of unexpected difficult ‘people situations’ is for you. Click here for more details      

       “One of the most powerful lessons I learnt is how to deal with difficult people – an invaluable seminar run by Madeleine. This was thought provoking, structured and fun!”
Aegean Thomson, Business Owner

 2.    If you prefer a 1-2-1 approach try this Free Relationship Success Discovery Session

I have 3 complimentary spaces for 1-2-1 Relationship Success Sessions this month. During this coaching session, we’ll discuss the key relationships in your life that give you the most trouble and which you’d just like to make even better. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your relationship success. We’ll get clear on how you ’d like your relationships to be. Then I’ll show you how to create the most effective working and rewarding personal relationships. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

In the meantime, what IS your part in some of the people challenges you are facing today? What exciting and inspiring opportunities and relationships will your answers give you?

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWarm wishes

Madeleine 

P.S. Check out the Quote of the Week and ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ listed below. 

Useful Links

Quote of the Week

“Just because you’re making a noise in my direction, don’t assume you’re communicating with me”

8Feb/140

Save time…read this! Confidence Tips #52

Here’s a 60 Seconds Time-for-Success Tip.

“If you want to make good use of your time, you’ve got to know what’s most important and then give it all you’ve got.” Lee Iacocca

That’s sound advice that can help us create amazing levels of personal, career and business success, but… how do you know what’s really important?

 Life can be full of dilemmas when it comes to managing your time.

And…our emotions, values and beliefs can easily blind us, confuse us and lead us astray.

 For instance, do your recognise these or similar situations?

  • If you run a business, do you find it’s tempting to prioritise client work all the time, especially if you enjoy using the skills you need to use to complete it and you love helping people? But, if you neglect sales and marketing activities because it’s more difficult and uncertain, how do you keep new client work and profits flowing to you?
  • At work, do you find it’s hard to choose between working towards your own objectives, set with your manager, and being a team player and helping others achieve theirs, if the two objectives don’t dovetail?
  • If you’re a manager, are you tempted to do what you should delegate to others because you like doing that type of work or you believe you can do it better and quicker?
  • Do you experience a real internal tussle when you’re worried about losing your job or losing business or looking like you’re a failure if you don’t do extra work but then find you miss out on enjoying quality family time?
  • When you feel like you’re losing control of your time in the morning do you find it’s hard to stop fire fighting and you end up playing catch up all day?
  • Have you noticed that when you think someone has upset you, you find it takes ages to bounce back into a positive and productive mood?

When the emergency services get to a difficult incident, they have to prioritise or triage who needs their help first. They have triage rules to help them do that. The person who has a life threatening condition will get treated first, not the easiest person to treat or the person making the most fuss.

Wouldn’t it be great if there were some absolute triage rules in life to help us make the right time management decisions in all circumstances?

Here are 4 ideas for making time management triage easier

  1. Carve out a calm time in your day to plan how you will use your time before all your emotions get in the way.
  2. Look for ways to leverage your time and create win-wins e.g. your keep-fit-time and your quality-family-time could sometimes be combined by choosing an active activity you can enjoy together so that one doesn’t lose out to the other.
  3. Learn how to empower family members, friends, colleagues and employees so they only need you for the things only you can do.
  4. Fear is usually a terrible criteria for using your time – deal assertively with your fear and with other time stealers

If you know that managing your time better would bring you more career, personal and business success, here are two ways you can do something about it:

1. Getting to Grips with Time Management Workshop

Thursday 13th February 8.45 a.m. to 12.30, in Cambridge

This half-day workshop is jammed packed with time management and procrastination-busting tools that will help you triage your to do list, create more time, be more productive and enjoy your mastery of time. Click here for more details

 2. If you prefer a 1-2-1 focus, try my complimentary ‘Time for Success’ coaching session

I have 4 complimentary spaces for 1-2-1 ‘Time for Success’ Sessions in February. During that session we’ll:

  • Discover the time and success stealers in your business, career or personal life.
  • Discuss how you’d like to be using your time and what you’d like to be achieving
  • Get clear about how you can make it happen.

You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWarm wishes

Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Quote of the Week and ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ listed below.

 

Useful Links

Quote of the Week

“Once you have mastered time, you will understand how true it is that most people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year – and underestimate what they can achieve in a decade!”
Anthony Robbins

1Feb/140

How to Create a Time TARDIS in Your Life: Confidence Tips #51

Here’s a 60 Seconds Time-for-Success Tip for this week.

Do you feel like you never stop working?

Is achieving things and multi-tasking turning you into a productive but unfulfilled and tired robot?

Has your New-Year-New-You energy run out of steam… are you finding yourself with the same old time management habits?

Do you ever wish you had a ‘Time TARDIS’ which would give you more time in your life?

Then this time-for-success tip is definitely for you.

If you’ve read any time management books you’ll notice that most of them focus on the things that you can DO to manage your time better.

They give some useful practical tips such as:

  • get the most important thing done at the beginning of the day,
  • switch off your email alarm and only check your emails at the beginning, middle and end of your day,
  • prioritise your To Do list etc.

If you use those time management tips, you’ll certainly use your time better.

But…what time management books tend to ignore is that time management is mostly about emotion and energy management. This is why our poor time management habits persist even when we try hard to change them.

For instance, if you’ve got an extremely tidy office, home or car or your Facebook profile is up-to-date because you’ve been procrastinating about getting…done, you will know what I mean about emotions and time management. :)

What about energy, then?

Well…different kinds of tasks need different kinds of energy to help you complete them. For instance:

  • Tasks like sales calls, family gatherings and networking involve outgoing energy where you’re focussed on connecting with others
  • Other jobs such as reviewing your profit and loss accounts and your household bills may take a more quiet, grounded, solidly-moving-through-things kind of energy
  • Exploring changes in your business, career or personal life may take a more dynamic, innovative and creative energy
  • While actually making those changes takes a focussed energy where you cut through obstacles, prune out things that are unproductive and make firm decisions
  • Some tasks need you to be very present and connected to your intuition
  • Perhaps you can think of other useful kinds of energy?

A project may involve many kinds of energy.

Successful time management in a business, career or personal project is often about:

  • tapping into the right energy at the right time
  • batching your tasks so that you do tasks that require a similar energy together rather than exhausting yourself by jumping from one kind of task-energy to another during your day
  • taking time to recharge your energy

How could you use this idea about energy to be more productive and fulfilled in your use of time?

If you know that managing your time better would bring you more career, personal and business success, here are two ways you can do something about it:

 1.     Getting to Grips with Time Management Workshop

Thursday 13th February 8.45 a.m. to 12.30, in Cambridge

This half-day workshop is jammed packed with time management and procrastination-busting tools that will help you create more time, be more productive and enjoy your mastery of time. Click here for more details and to book

 2.     If you prefer a 1-2-1 focus, try my complimentary ‘Time for Success’ coaching session

             I have 4 complimentary spaces for 1-2-1 ‘Time for Success’ Sessions in February. During that session we’ll:

  • Discover the time stealers in your business, career or personal life.
  • Discuss how you’d like to be using your time and what you’d like to be achieving
  • Get clear about how you can make it happen.

You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

Remember: “You’re writing the story of your life one moment at a time,” Doc Childre and Howard Martin. What story do you want to live?

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWarm wishes

Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ listed below.

 

Useful Links

Quote of the Week

“The key is in not spending time, but in investing it.”  Stephen R. Covey

   
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