Building Self Confidence Blog
21Dec/130

How to Give Your Life Wings: Confidence Tips #46

I attended a talk by the East Anglian Air Ambulance charity at a Very Early Lunch Club business networking event in Cambridge this month. The EAAA has thrived where other charities have struggled this year and the speaker was describing what she thought the EAAA did that gave them their success.

One of their success factors that came through loud and clear was the power of Attitude.

If you’re thinking, ‘Oh no, not positive thinking again’ and you’ve already switched off, please keep reading because I’m talking about something much more powerful! :)

Some Attitude Factors I noticed that created the EAAA’s success were: passion, being business-like, focussing on making a difference, connecting with others, leading and inspiring.

Attitude can not only determine your altitude (a great phrase coined by Fabrizio Poli) but also literally save your life - it can save your self-esteem, your career, your wealth, your personal relationships, your health and your business.

…And a great Attitude can save the lives of others. EAAA is a shining local example. Another…? How about Nelson Mandela? His attitude of forgiveness may have been a crucial factor in preventing a blood bath in South Africa in 1994.

You might be thinking that statement is a bit dramatic or that it’s missing the full picture. It’s true that there are actually 7 things that make you successful at any goal, project or mission you choose to set yourself but… 4 of them are to do with attitude.

This is good news and bad news, isn’t it?

Good news – you are in control, good things that are happening in your life are related to your attitude

Bad news – whatever is in your life that you don’t want is because of your attitude

Good news – you can change your attitude if your old attitude isn’t working

Bad news – it often doesn’t feel like you are in control of how you feel about things and… if it’s true that we are in control, it’s difficult to blame others for how we feel :)

How do you know when you need a change of Attitude?

Here are 10 clues. How many of them can you relate to? How many of them relate to people around you?

You probably need a change of Attitude when:

  • You’re living in a ‘parallel universe’ – you want one kind of life style but your actions take you further from the lifestyle you think you want
  • You believe ‘you can’t have your cake and eat it’
  • Things are 80% okay but you’re putting up with 20% that’s not and that 20% is what would bring you real joy, outstanding success, amazing fulfilment
  • What got you to here won’t get you to there - you’re stuck on a plateau, striving for the next level and realising that what got you your past success isn’t going to get you any further
  • You’re still blaming someone or something else for your misfortune… your parents, employer, employee, ex-partner, the recession…and so disempowering yourself
  • Your glass is half-empty
  • You haven’t turned your dreams into SMART goals
  • Your focus is scattered – you’re chasing too many rabbits and not catching any of them
  • You’re procrastinating about doing the things that would bring you success
  • Your life, business or career is not how you want it to be

If you’ve detected any of these clues in yourself, what can you do about it? Are there some basic Attitude Factors that would give you personal, career and business success in whatever goal you set?

Here are some ideas:

  1. When you are starting any goal, project or mission, ask yourself, ‘What attitude would make me most successful and what attitudes might I need to change?’
  2. I’ve found that an Attitude of Gratitude is a really useful focus in my life for transforming worries, frustrations and negativity into positive feelings and actions.
  3. Get a coach to help you get rid of the ‘gremlins’ and maintain a successful attitude
  4. Give your life wings and come to my talk on 10th January 2014 at the Very Early Lunch Club business networking event http://www.velc.co.uk/cambridge to get more tips and secrets to creating a successful attitude where you’ll discover:
  • Why positive thinking doesn’t work and what does
  • 4 ways to change your negative attitude or mood into a positive one in minutes
  • The quickest and easiest ways to deal with someone who has a negative attitude
  • 2 common mistakes people make when dealing with employers, employees, managers, colleagues, suppliers, friends and family members with a difficult attitude… and how to avoid those mistakes
  • 2 reasons why we don’t know everything about our own attitude and how we can stop that lack of knowledge holding us back
  • 7 Attitude Factors that guarantee succcess in your personal, career and business life

I’m looking forward to seeing you on 10th January if not before. :)

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership Mentor

Warm wishes
Madeleine

P.S. Check out the ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’.

 

Useful Links

14Dec/130

Where should your focus be? Confidence Tips #45

A couple of weeks ago I was baby sitting so that my brother and sister-in-law could enjoy an evening out. My nephew and neices were very keen to play a word game called Taboo.

The idea with Taboo is that you’re given a word your team mate can’t see and you have to describe that word so that they can guess what it is.

Simple, right? Well there’s a catch. You are given a list of 5 taboo words you can’t use when describing The Word…words that would make it too easy for your team mate to guess.

Of course, once we’d seen the taboo words it took a series of mental contortions to take our focus off them and get round using those taboo words… and we were often caught out. Many hilarious definitions emerged too.

That’s so true to life, isn’t it? What we focus on can make our lives easy or difficult.

If we focus on the obstacles and things we don’t want to happen we make goals seem like hard mountains to climb. If we focus on the the outcome we want, we make our lives easier.
For instance:

  • Feeling nervous about your presentation? Focusing on what will happen if you forget your words? Anxious about whether people will find it interesting? Want to feel confident? Focus on how your audience will benefit from your presentation Rehearse it. Have prompts and cues that help you remember it. Create a film in your mind where you are the star and there’s a happy ending.
  • Procrastinating about a difficult work or personal conversation? Worried that you’ll upset someone if you tell them how you really feel? Focus on finding ways to communicate that influence that person to be open to your feedback. Make sure they know that you will be open to their feedback too. Remember times in the past when they have been easy to communicate with.

What areas in your life would benefit from some solution and outcome focus that could turn some of your mountains back into mole hills?

This may seem elementary advice to you when you’re feeling calm but…how well do you remember it when you’re feeling negative?

Here are some ideas:

  • Keep a picture of a mole hill taped to your computer screen!
  • Make a habit of asking ‘problem solving’ questions and cut out the ‘doubt’ questions. For instance, ask, ‘How can I be more persuasive?’ rather than ‘What if they don’t like my idea?’
  • Talk issues through with someone skilled at helping you find your own creative, problem solving answers.

1-2-1 Complimentary Solution-Focus Discovery Session
Would you like to bring more solution focus into your life? I have complimentary spaces for 1-2-1 Discovery Sessions this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorIf you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

Warm wishes

Madeleine

P.S. Check out the ‘Useful Links’ to life/career/business changing free ‘stuff’

Useful Links

7Dec/130

Can You Have Your Cake and Eat It? Confidence Tips #44

During one of my free Discovery Sessions what my client was saying about his life reminded me of the saying, ‘You can’t have your cake and eat it’.

It has always seemed to me a strange saying. What would be the value of having a cake if you couldn’t eat it? Or am I missing something?

Anyway, for my client there were a series of dilemmas where if he made his life better in one way it seemed it would make his life worse in another.

  • At work, he enjoyed his autonomy. He liked to be free from interference. He relished the fact that very few people knew what he really did and that he could make decisions on his own. His best working relationships were forged with people working in other organisations. But he was undervalued and underpaid at work. He wanted to get promoted, have the support of a team and earn a higher salary. He was worried he’d have to give up some of his independence to get that. He was horrified at the thought of having to work more closely with a senior manager he didn’t like in order to get the recognition he deserved and fulfil his potential.
  • As far as romance was concerned, he wanted someone special to share his life with but his last marriage hadn’t worked out well and he was afraid a new relationship would involve too many compromises and more pain. It seemed less hassle to be single but he was also lonely at times.
  • Despite good family relationships, he was looking forward to the time when his 24 year old son would be independent enough to leave home but he thought he needed to put up with the situation because he also wanted to be a supportive parent.

He felt something needed to change but he also felt stuck in an uncomfortable comfort zone. He hated the thought that later in life he would regret he hadn’t been more adventurous.

This situation is really common. The details may change but you probably know a friend, colleague, family member or client who’s in an uncomfortable comfort zone. You may even relate to this yourself.

‘So what’s the antidote?’ I hear you ask :)

One step is to ask what I call a ‘have your cake and eat it’ question. Your brain is a neck-top computer and if you ask it quality questions you’ll often get quality answers. Just by asking the questions you’re opening your mind up to accepting there may be an answer. The answers may not come to you immediately. The answers may pop up when you least expect them, like when you’re walking in the countryside or doing the washing up – when you hands/feet are busy and your mind is free.

What would be ‘have your cake and eat it’ questions my client could ask?

These questions often start with, ‘How can I….?’ For instance, ‘How can I create a win-win romantic relationship?’

The questions need to state what you want in a positive way. For instance, the question wouldn’t be nearly so effective if it was worded like this, ‘How can I have a relationship with no pain?’

Lastly, effective ‘have your cake and eat it’ questions often ask how to resolve the opposing things you want e.g. ‘How can I work more closely with a team and still enjoy a lot of autonomy?’ or ‘How can I earn more money in less time?’

What are your questions?

What answers might you expect? You may need a new:

  • Skill
  • Belief
  • Goal
  • Way of thinking about yourself
  • Resource
  • Environment
  • Or a change in your values

What did my client decide? He decided that he needed a coach to:

  • challenge his limiting beliefs
  • share with him stuff he didn’t know he didn’t know
  • help him clarify what he really wanted
  • work out with him a plan to create the life he really wanted
  • hold him accountable for the changes he said he would make

What are your answers?

If coaching is something you’ve never tried before, you may like this opportunity:

1-2-1 Complimentary ‘Have Your Cake and Eat It’ Coaching Session

I have 3 complimentary spaces for 1-2-1 Discovery Sessions this month. During that session, we’ll discuss the dilemmas and ‘catch 22 situations’ in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success and I’ll show you how to overcome them. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWarm wishes

Madeleine 

P.S. Check out the ‘Useful Links’ listed below.

 

Useful Links

   
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