Building Self Confidence Blog
26Oct/130

Confidence Tip #39

When I review my own successes and failures, and those of my clients, I can see three powerful ingredients in successful outcomes:

  • Clarity of Purpose/Goals
  • Passion and
  • Effective Action

You need all three ingredients to have a successful career, business and personal life. Here’s what happens if one of them is missing:

Clarity of Purpose + PassionEffective Action = Frustration

Passion + Effective ActionClarity of Purpose = A busy person going round in circles

Clarity of Purpose + Effective ActionPassion = Giving up when things go wrong

So here’s an exercise to help you create confidence and success in your work and personal life:

  1. Pick an area of your life that is not going as well as you hoped or expected. Perhaps you want your business to be more profitable or your career to be more rewarding or your personal relationships to more be fulfiling.
  2. Now rate yourself for each success factor – give each one a score out of 10, 10 being great and 1 being poor.
  3. Give the success factor with the lowest score more attention by, for example: exploring more deeply what your purpose in your business/career/relationships is or by discovering what you’re really passionate about or by creating and carrying out an effective action plan that will give you the success level you really want.

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWhat have you discovered and what will you do about it? 🙂

Warm wishes

Madeleine

P.S. Check out the ‘Useful Links’ and ‘Special Events’ listed below.

Useful Links

 

Special Events:

1-2-1 Complimentary Coaching Discovery Session

If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have 2 complimentary spaces for 1-2-1 Discovery Sessions this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

Getting to Grips with Dealing with Difficult Conversations at Work, Workshop,

8.45 a.m. – 12.30 November 14th, Cambridge. Early bird price £99

Are you avoiding talking about a difficult subject that needs to be aired at work? Or maybe there’s a person who is valuable to your company in some ways but who is producing   difficult ‘side effects’ that could hold back your business? Then this course is of direct use to you as a             professional, manager or business owner who has to manage difficult behaviour or have difficult conversations in the regular course of your work. You’ll have a chance to get to grips with tools and techniques during the course that you can practise and then use to transform difficult behaviours and conversations into positive ones.

During this workshop we will get to grips with:

• how to get difficult team members to behave like adults and take responsibility for their actions
• how to manage a difficult conversation from relaxed beginning to constructive outcome
• how to deal with the  negative ‘control games’ that people play when you try to resolve issues
• understanding  your choices when dealing with difficult behaviour and expanding your ‘tool box’ of options
• how to stay assertively in control of unexpected difficult people situations
• how to effectively negotiate win-win outcomes with ‘difficult’ people

Email madeleine@growu.co.uk  for more information or to book your place (maximum of 6 places available)

19Oct/13Off

Confidence Tip #38

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Many of my clients say that I help them to see and realise things they hadn’t done before.

How can that be? After all, they must know more about themselves, their personal relationships, their work or their business than I do, surely.

Well, it’s all to do with the fact that we’re ‘wired’ to take notice of a limited range of things going on in our world. If we took it all in, and tried to process it all consciously, we’d be overloaded and act like rabbits frozen in front of the headlights.

Imagine this… if we paid attention to everything we’d have a 360 degree view of what is going on, all the time. Let’s say that what we actually see and experience is about 10 degrees of that circle (it’s probably less).That 10 degrees forms our reality, our comfort zone and our experience.

That leaves 350 degrees we can’t see or haven’t got the ‘bandwidth’ to pay attention to.

The thing is, when we are facing challenges or are not sure of our direction or are just plain stuck, the answers usually lie in the 350 degrees and… outside our comfort zone.

We’re often aware of this and that’s why we turn to mentors, friends, colleagues and family members for advice. They can be great founts of wisdom but…they can only add their 10 degrees of perception and experience and they are coming from their comfort zone.

Wouldn’t that be the same with a coaching approach, I hear you ask? Well, the thing with a coaching conversation is that it’s special and different from an ordinary conversation. It’s designed to help you get the 360 degree view.

For instance, a friend, colleague or family member might say, ‘Try ….’ or ‘What I would do if I were you is…’, if you were talking through a problem.

One of my clients recently said that she was so confused by the conflicting advice she got from people that she felt paralysed.

A coach would explore your challenge with open and curious questions before guiding the conversaton to a great solution. Some of those questions might sound like, ‘What have you tried so far?’ or ‘Let’s explore outside the box…what options could you try?’ or ‘What outcomes are you looking for?’

Sometimes people just want your answers and may get frustrated by questions, which is okay if they realise that those answers come from the 10 degrees.

But, if you want to feel empowered and have space to explore, or… you want to give your team and family members that gift… asking coaching questions is a great way to arrive at enlightening, powerful, creative and confidence building answers.

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWhat new questions would you like to ask or be asked?

Warm wishes
Madeleine

P.S. There are some Useful Links and Special Events to explore below.

Useful Links

1-2-1 Complimentary Discovery Session
If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have complimentary spaces for 1-2-1 Discovery Sessions this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.
If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

Getting to Grips with Dealing with Difficult Conversations at Work, Workshop, 
November 14th  2013, Cambridge. 8.45am – 12.30pm
Are you avoiding talking about a difficult subject that needs to be aired at work? Or maybe there’s a person who is valuable to your company in some ways but who is producing difficult ‘side effects’ that could hold back your business? Then this course is of direct use to you as a professional, manager or business owner who has to manage difficult behaviour or have difficult conversations in the regular course of your work. You’ll have a chance to get to grips with tools and techniques during the course that you can practise and then use to transform difficult behaviours and conversations into positive ones.

During this workshop we will get to grips with:

  • how to get difficult team members to behave like adults and take responsibility for their actions
  • how to manage a difficult conversation from relaxed beginning to constructive outcome
  • how to deal with the negative ‘control games’ that people play when you try to resolve issues
  • understanding your choices when dealing with difficult behaviour and expanding your ‘tool box’ of options
  • how to stay assertively in control of unexpected difficult people situations
  • how to effectively negotiate win-win outcomes with difficult people

Email madeleine@growu.co.uk  to book your place (maximum of 6 places available)

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12Oct/130

Confidence Tip #37

I caught a programme on BBC Radio 4 on Sunday morning that was inspiring and provoked a lot of thought. No, it wasn’t the omnibus edition of the Archers 🙂

It was about a project where the staff used music therapy to help children with learning disabilities. One of the children was asked if he could define his condition, which was autism. The boy replied that it was a mixture of a talent and a need. If you’re curious about what he thought his talent was listen to Fearfully and Wonderfully Made.

The boy seemed to have a refreshingly rounded, accepting and appreciative view of what many regard as a disability and feel negative about.

I thought that was a great way to define lots of things about us human beings, such as aspects of our personality.

For instance, some people have a talent for organising things and making them run smoothly. Those same people often have a need for systems, order and processes that sometimes makes them seem inflexible to less orderly people among us.

Some people have a talent for getting things started in a motivating way that is infectious. They often have a need for other people around them who can complete things when their own enthusiasm has run out. This need can make them seem flighty and inconsistent to the Completers/Finishers among us.

We tend to undervalue our talents and others lose sight of them when they seem to be needs. We forget why we choose to have certain people in our lives and teams. What if we spent more time appreciating our talents, playing to our strengths and keeping sight of the talents of others?

Often we pay more attention to our needs and the needs of others, criticising them and feeling defensive when others criticise us about them.

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWhat if we accept those needs in ourselves and adapt our personal, career and business lives to take care of them? What if we accept those needs in others knowing that they give us an opportunity to play to our talents?

Warm wishes
Madeleine

 

Useful Links

1-2-1 Complimentary Discovery Session
If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have complimentary spaces for 1-2-1 Discovery Sessions this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.
If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

Getting to Grips with Dealing with Difficult Conversations at Work, Workshop, 
November 14th  2013, Cambridge. 8.45am – 12.30pm
Are you avoiding talking about a difficult subject that needs to be aired at work? Or maybe there’s a person who is valuable to your company in some ways but who is producing difficult ‘side effects’ that could hold back your business? Then this course is of direct use to you as a professional, manager or business owner who has to manage difficult behaviour or have difficult conversations in the regular course of your work. You’ll have a chance to get to grips with tools and techniques during the course that you can practise and then use to transform difficult behaviours and conversations into positive ones.

During this workshop we will get to grips with:

  • how to get difficult team members to behave like adults and take responsibility for their actions
  • how to manage a difficult conversation from relaxed beginning to constructive outcome
  • how to deal with the negative ‘control games’ that people play when you try to resolve issues
  • understanding your choices when dealing with difficult behaviour and expanding your ‘tool box’ of options
  • how to stay assertively in control of unexpected difficult people situations
  • how to effectively negotiate win-win outcomes with difficult people

Email madeleine@growu.co.uk  to book your place (maximum of 6 places available)

 

5Oct/130

60 Seconds to Confidence Tip #36: An Antidote to Worry

I love this quote from Mark Twain who is reputed to have said, ‘I’ve had some terrible experiences in my life…and some of them actually happened!’

He really nailed the problem with worry…that worries can seem very real and stressful even though the events we’re worried about haven’t happened yet. It’s hard to remember we’re actually making up the worry.

Do we need worry?

It depends.

In life we need to minimise the number of times nasty surprises, unnecessary risks and problems arise in our lives. Worry can help to alert us that those situations might crop up. But it’s what we do about our worries that make that alert useful or not.

If we spin round in a helpless vortex of anxiety, scaring ourselves with catastrophising and focussing on what we don’t want to happen so that we feel paralysed and overwhelmed in the face of it, it’s definitely a useless activity.

And…if you’re working or living with a Worrier…it can feel like they put a damper on morale. It can be tempting to dismiss their worries, if you’re feeling impatient. Whereas if you’re trying to show you care, you may attempt to reassure them that there is nothing to worry about. Both of those strategies tend to leave the Worrier feeling that YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND THE SERIOUSNESS OF THE SITUATION. 🙂

However, sensible risk management can start with a worry and people who act like the ‘canaries in the mine’ can be valuable family, friends and team members, especially if you or the rest of the team is prone to under-estimate risk.

Use a Worry Antidote 

If you are worrying about something, here are 7 steps to neutralising many of your worries:

  1. Write down what is worrying you. By expressing it and clarifying it on paper you will probably find you feel calmer and more objective about it.
  2. Write down what is the worst thing that could happen
  3. Decide to accept the worst e.g. ‘If…happens, I’ll handle it.’
  4. Describe what you’d like to happen instead of the worrying outcome.
  5. Explore all your options for preventing the worst happening and bringing about what you really want.
  6. Choose your best course of action
  7. Take action. After all, worry is often fear caused by indecision so get busy doing something about your situation… then you don’t have time to worry.

As you take action, your confidence, courage and sense of control will return.

If you’re living or working with a Worrier, give them the task. Ask them to find out all the things that could go wrong. Then work with them to analyse the real risk and take action to mitigate it.

What personal, career or business worries could you handle with this worry antidote? How could you get the best out of the Worriers in your life?

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWarm wishes
Madeleine

 

 

Useful Links

  1-2-1 Complimentary Coaching Discovery Session

If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have 3 complimentary spaces for 1-2-1 Discovery Sessions this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

   
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