Building Self Confidence Blog
31Aug/13Off

60 Seconds to Confidence Tip #31How Do You Decide When to Make a Change?

Success Tips for ManagersHave you ever found yourself in a situation where you’ve asked yourself a variation on, ‘How do I know when to stop, leave, quit, walk out, give up or make a change?’

Whether it’s a question you’re asking yourself about your relationships, your job, or your business, the answer isn’t always obvious, is it? How do you make a confident choice?

A client of mine asked me the question this week as he felt he was beating his head against a brick wall in relation to an issue with an ‘irritating’ colleague. Here are some of the thoughts we came up with.

Someone once said, ‘All struggle is unskilled behaviour’. That might be a gross generalisation but it’s worth asking yourself, ‘What more do I need to know, or know how to do, to help me be more successful in this situation?’

My client thought about this question and then said, ‘I need to learn how to take a step back from my frustration and see things from my colleague’s point of view. That might give me some ideas for new things to try.’

His answer brought up another point. He realised that his doubts about whether to give up on a situation often rear their ugly head when he knows he has muddied the water by acting clumsily, aggressively or immaturely. Once he thought and behaved more maturely and assertively, the brick wall came tumbling down and the decision about whether to keep trying became clear.

My client realised that, if he had given up too early, he might have deprived himself of the opportunity to become even more resourceful and the opportunities those resources might lead to.

The maths of the costs and benefits of trying versus giving up changed.

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWhat new learning could feed your confidence, your determination and your success this week?

Warm wishes
Madeleine

1-2-1 Complimentary Coaching Discovery Session

If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have 1 complimentary space for 1-2-1 'Confident Life' Discovery Session this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.ukor click on this link: http://www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk/contact/

Madeleine Morgan

Confidence and Life Coach

Cambridge CB4 1LN, UK

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20Aug/13Off

60 Seconds to Confidence Tip #30 Confidently Making Your Dreams Come True

Success Tips for Managers

In my experience, many dreams do come true. The main variable is when.

For the slow approach: Resist. Deny. Stop. Imagine the worst. Complain. Argue. Defend. Protest. Cry. Struggle. Do everything yourself. Insist on being right. Hang on to limiting beliefs and negative experiences.

For the quick approach: Imagine. Set goals you care about. Stay focused on your goal. Prepare. Learn. Get feedback. Build helpful relationships. Delegate. Be flexible about how. Show up, even when nothing happens. Take responsibility. Gather resources.Take action. Do something different. Set a date. And… give thanks in advance.

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership Mentor

What will you be and do differently to make your dreams come true, faster?

Warm wishes
Madeleine

1-2-1 Complimentary Coaching Discovery Session

If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have 1 complimentary space for 1-2-1 ‘Confident Life’ Discovery Session this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.ukor click on this link: http://www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk/contact/

Madeleine Morgan

Confidence and Life Coach

Cambridge CB4 1LN, UK

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17Aug/13Off

60 Seconds to Confidence Tip #29

Success Tips for Managers

Two recent buying experiences got me thinking about what we can learn from successful selling that would benefit us in our personal, career and business lives.

A month ago I finally had to admit that my printer was indeed dead. It had come to the end of its natural life and I could not coax it to print another piece of paper. Reluctantly, I gritted my teeth and set about exploring the bewildering range of options for replacing it.

Armed with my list of criteria, I approached the owner of a business machines company who is in my network of trusted suppliers.

He listened patiently to what I said I wanted but instead of just pointing me in the direction of a printer, he showed me a clever formula he had created. To make the formula work I had to think about what I actually needed based on the kind of printing I do now and might want to do in future. With that information he created a perfect match between what I actually needed and the machines on the market. At the same time, he saved me money.

I am so happy with the printer I ended up with. More than ever, I really trust the supplier and feel confident to recommend him to people. It’s a win-win outcome.

A friend of mine had a different experience. She booked a holiday recently. The travel agent helped her choose a lovely hotel in a resort that looked very attractive. She was very happy with the service. It had saved her hours of trawling the internet and booking on line.

It was only after she had booked and paid for the holiday that she realised she needed travel insurance and a place in the airport car park. On request, the travel agent sorted those things out for her but the experience dented her confidence in him. The travel agent had given her what she said she wanted, but surely if the travel agent was really looking out for her interests he would have mentioned what she might have needed and enquired whether she had her insurance sorted out, wouldn’t he? Then she wondered what else she might have forgotten. She didn't feel confident that something else wouldn't crop up that would be too late to fix.

I wonder if she’ll use that service again?

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWhere in your personal, career and business life could you be watching someone’s back more thoroughly? Which of your family members, colleagues, bosses, clients, suppliers, employees and friends would benefit from your wisdom and experience?  What impact would your care have on your relationships and your success? What support network are you building so that you can be confident you've got people who are watching your back?

Warm wishes
Madeleine

1-2-1 Complimentary Coaching Discovery Session

If you could change one thing in your personal, career or business life, what would it be? I have 1 complimentary space for 1-2-1 ‘Confident Life’ Discovery Session this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.ukor click on this link: http://www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk/contact/

Madeleine Morgan

Confidence and Life Coach

Cambridge CB4 1LN, UK

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13Aug/13Off

60 Seconds to Confidence #28

Success Tips for ManagersA consultant, Andy, recently told me a surprising story that has implications for our personal, career and business lives.

Andy had been asked to review a company’s proposal.

He quickly realised that the company had made a common mistake. They had talked too much about themselves and too little about how what they would do could meet the needs of, and benefit, the client.

Andy used the ‘Find’ function in Microsoft Word to find concrete evidence of what he sensed about the proposal. It took him 20 seconds to discover that their 22 page document contained:

  • Their company name 149 times (the client’s name appeared 5)
  • “we” – 78 times; but “you” – 11
  • “our” – 51: “your” – 7

That’s startling lacking of customer-focus in what was supposed to be a customer-focused document.

The company was horrified to find they had made such an elementary error. It could have lost them tens of thousands of pounds worth of business with that one proposal. What could they have lost over the lifetime of that business if they had kept on making that error? What opportunities and profits can they look forward to because of their willingness to change?

How could you check that, in your personal relationships, career or business, you have a great balance of ‘You’ and ‘Me’ focus? What does your level of success in these areas tell you?

If you had more ‘You’ focus, how much more persuasive could you be? What opportunities could you open up that were closed before?

For instance, I wonder what a more ‘You’ focussed CV would look, sound and feel like? Or a marriage proposal? Or a suggestion for change in a company? 🙂

Have fun experimenting with the ‘You’ strategy.

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWarm wishes
Madeleine

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10Aug/130

60 Seconds to Confidence #27

Success Tips for ManagersLast week I was driving to a pharmaceutical company to deliver a workshop on communication skills for eight of their managers. Suddenly, a notice on the back of the van in front of me caught my attention because it asked a valuable question.

I’m fascinated by questions because I spend a lot of my day:

  • asking questions that help people find new and empowering answers.
  • helping my clients develop powerful questioning skills to help them achieve their goals, sell, influence, negotiate, develop rapport, lead, solve problems and so on.

The notice said: If I stop, can you?

What a great question!

I felt that it got me to check my reality and think about the consequences of driving too close in a more effective way than if the notice had been a statement or command about keeping my distance. Why? Because it didn’t provoke my inner rebel or my inner worrier or my inner apathetic person, like a command or statement might. It aroused my inner positive action taker.

Maybe you would have felt that effect too?

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorSo who in your personal, career or business life would you like to influence to take positive action? What curious question could you ask that would invite them to explore consequences and take positive steps?

Warm wishes,
Madeleine

6Aug/130

60 Seconds to Confidence #26

Success Tips for ManagersRecently someone asked me what super powers I’d like to develop… perhaps they were prompted by the new Superman film that’s in cinemas at the moment.

It was such an interesting question that I thought I’d ask you. What super powers would bring you more fulfilment, success and confidence in your personal, career and business life?

Would it be:

  • The ability to stay confident in the face of the most challenging people and situations?
  • The power to stay curious, creative and solution focussed when you’ve been asked to achieve the seemingly impossible?
  • The knack of saying the most effective thing in the most effective way in every situation?
  • Time mastery and the ability to banish procrastination?
  • The power to earn all the money you wanted to earn doing what you love to do?
  • Or…?

How would you choose and how would you develop your super power?

Here are some ideas:

  • In Shakespeare’s tragedies, the main character is often defeated by a fatal weakness. It’s their ‘kryptonite’. Perhaps the super power we need to choose is the antidote to our main weakness. Is there a way that you sabotage your success? Is it time to stop doing that, now?
  • Alternatively, you could discover your hidden super power and play to your strength. Your hidden super power is often the thing you find easy, others find hard and that you under-estimate the value of because it comes naturally to you.
  • Personality profiling and other psychometric tests are often great tools for uncovering your personal development needs and reflecting back your strengths so that you can build even more successful, fulfiling and confident personal, career and business lives. More informal, constructive, feedback from others is useful too.

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWarm wishes
Madeleine

3Aug/130

60 Seconds to Confidence #25

Success Tips for ManagersAndy Murray’s three set victory over Novak Djokovic at the Wimbledon Tennis final was more exciting than the score suggests.

A lump came to my throat as I heard the crowds jump and scream with excitement when they heard that Murray had won.

It got me wondering:
• What made him successful?
• Did the spectators realise that his success formula is available to all of us?

Here are 7 elements of his success formula that I think are available to us all:

1. The powerful effect of family encouragement and support.
It’s plain to see that Andy’s family is, and has always been, a huge source of strength for him. Our families can be helpful in so many ways. I’m not just talking about financial support nor am I condoning corrupt nepotism or over-indulgence. I’m thinking of family members as a source of experience, know how, constructive feedback, wisdom, creativity, connections, belief in us and as sounding boards...our life team.

If you already have supportive family ties, how could you strengthen those ties? If your family is divided and weakened by disputes, criticism and grudges, what might be your part in perpetuating that? Even if you don’t play a part in that, how can use your influence in a more positive direction?

2. Turn up
Woody Allen said that 90% of success is showing up. I’m sure there are many times when Andy Murray felt too discouraged or tired to practice but he turned up for practice anyway.

Where in your life would your being more present… physically, mentally or emotionally…give you more success?

3. Practise, Practise, Learn, Learn
Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, said that if he had a tree to chop down, he would spend most of his time sharpening the saw. They say amateurs practice until they get it right whereas professionals practise until they can’t get it wrong.

In what ways could more learning and practice bring your success closer?

4. Manage your emotions and your mindset
During an interview with Andy Murray on Radio 4 he was asked what the difference was between the top players. The interviewer speculated that surely they were just ‘tennis machines’ programmed to hit the ball back. Murray replied that although it was true that the top players turn themselves into ‘tennis machines’, actually what made the the biggest difference in the outcome of the match was their ability to manage their emotions and hold their nerve as the game progressed and the crunch points came.

This is so true. They say our problems come when we take our eye off the goal and get distracted by the obstacles. I was coaching a manager recently who was giving himself a hard time because he was procrastinating over finishing a report. When I asked him what benefits, to himself and others, would finishing the report bring he said that it could gain funding for a significant environmental project and it would be a real feather in his CV. Then I asked him how motivated he felt about finishing the project after reminding himself of the benefits and he replied, ‘Much more!’ Once he moved his focus back to goals that were important to him and stopped dwelling on what he hadn’t done, he could easily jump over the hurdle of finishing the report.

5. Get a great coach
Everyone recognised the part Murray’s coach, Ivan Lendl, played in this year’s Wimbledon victory.

Who are your life, career, business and fitness coaches who can help you take confident and skilfull steps to the next level?

6. Build a supportive team around you
There were many people who played an important part in Murray’s success – the fans who turned up to support him through losses as well as wins, the professionals who made the tournament happen, the suppliers of his equipment, his community, mentors, friends, family…and many others no doubt. Some of those team members came on board because they were inspired by Murray’s commitment. Perhaps others were there because there was a win-win for them. Still others felt a connection with him, especially after his tearful, honest and vulnerable interviews last year.

Who do you need to inspire, connect with and create a win-win for, who will help you be even more successful in your personal, career and business life?

Who do you need to weed out of your personal, career and business team because they are holding you back? The people who you’ll never inspire, who don’t want to connect with you or who don’t appreciate the win-win.

7. Treat winning and losing as results to learn useful things from.
Avoid fretting over your mistakes and losses. Murray said that winning the Olympic gold medal and losing last year at Wimbledon were both turning points for him.

What can you learn that’s positively useful for the future from your ‘failures’ and successes?

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWarm wishes,

Madeleine

 

   
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