Building Self Confidence Blog
30Jul/130

60 Seconds to Confidence #24

Success Tips for ManagersIn the last couple of weeks I’ve talked about developing the Grace to accept the things I can’t change and the Courage to change the things I can change. This week we’re going to focus on ‘the Wisdom to know the difference’.

You could think of Wisdom as our ability to see what is true, right, important or lasting and to act in keeping with this knowledge.

Wisdom gives you the ability to see when and how to take effective action. It’s said that for bad things to happen it only takes good people to do nothing. Wisdom stops us from being tricked into thinking we don’t have the power to change things while at the same time helping us to see when to stop banging our heads against a brick wall.

A Buddhist scholar wrote:

If there’s a remedy when trouble strikes,
What reason is there for dejection?
And if there is no help for it,
What use is there in being glum?

The poem reminds us of our human tendency to experience an emotional hijack when we hit a setback. Our negative emotions (such as anger, worry, overwhelm, hurt, guilt and sadness) that are supposed to kick start us into effective action often leave us feeling, instead, like rabbits in the headlights and blinded to our Wisdom.

So how can we develop and strengthen our Wisdom so that it’s there for us when we most need it to guide us into positive territory? Here are a few ideas.

Before you accept that a situation can’t be changed, try these things:

  • Remind yourself that the past does not equal the future. Just because it has been difficult to change a situation in the past doesn’t mean it always has to be that way.
  • Check that you’ve put the 7 things in place that you need to succeed at any goal. You can download a free booklet about those 7 things here: www.SuccessForManagers.co.uk (The download is useful even if you are not a manager.)
  • Have patience with your own and other people’s learning cycle. Do you remember when you learned to drive? You had to find out what you didn’t know, practice and be prepared to take it slowly at first before you could drive without even thinking about it. Whether you’re trying to learn something practical or trying to change an emotional response or way of thinking, it sometimes takes a while for you or others to change. It’s said that ‘all struggle is unskilled behaviour’. Have the patience to acquire the skills you need.
  • Allow curiosity to open up your creativity. For instance, ask yourself, ‘If this situation could be changed, how could I change it?’ You may not get the answer straight away, but just by asking yourself the question you programme your unconscious mind to access the billions more bits of data it has access to than your conscious mind does. My best answers often come to me when I wake up the next morning. That old advice to ‘sleep on it’ can sometimes be very effective. 🙂
  • Check if you are trying to change the right thing. For instance, sometimes we focus on changing others when a change in ourselves would be more powerful.
  • Get off the ‘hamster wheel’ and clear a space so that you can think clearly. With stress comes ‘tunnel vision’. As a coach, I have daily experience of the power of creating a space to explore, reflect, answer new questions, brainstorm ideas and get another perspective. I see my clients quickly resolving issues that seemed challenging and difficult before. I have my own coach to help me stay in ‘funnel vision’.

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWarm wishes

Madeleine

27Jul/130

60 Seconds to Confidence #23

When I’m working with clients, I’m often reminded of that saying, ‘Give me the courage to change the things I can change, the grace to accept the things I can’t change and the wisdom to know the difference’.

Last week I talked about the power of grace to help us deal with the worst things that life can dish out.

This week, I’m going to talk about courage.

So what is courage?

You could say thatcourage is a state of mind that allows you to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. Physical courage is courage in the face of physical pain, hardship, death, or threat of death, while moral courage is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, corruption, embarrassment, or discouragement.

Courage is a powerful force. The people who seem to be able lead others to make profound changes, have power to influence many people and make a hugely positive difference in the world are usually those who have courage in spades. I’m thinking of people like Gandhi and Mandela.

Our TV news is littered with the failed careers of those public figures who have been seen to betray our society, especially through lack of moral courage.

On the everyday scale, our ‘life shrinks or expands in proportion to our courage’ (Anais Nin). And while ‘it takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure... There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.’ (Alan Cohen)

If that’s true, where can we draw courage from? Here are 3 ideas:

1.    Think of a time when you acted courageously and it turned out well. What was your success formula? What did you think, say and do? How could you apply that success formula to a difficult situation you are facing now?

2.    Create a strong sense of purpose in your life and set goals that are more important to you to achieve than your need for certainty and safety. I’ve experienced many hurdles in creating a successful coaching business but my passion for helping professionals, managers and business owners to achieve their goals and fulfill their potential has certainly helped me be more courageous about taking the action that I needed to take to succeed.

3.    Wisdom and skill can help you make the challenges and hurdles in your life more manageable, so keep investing in your personal, professional and business development. And…it can make the difference between courage and recklessness.

Madeleine morgan NLP Master Practitioner and Trainer Cambridge, Personal Development Coach Cambridge, Business Coach Cambridge, Career Coach Cambridge, Executive Coach Cambridge, Communication Skills Trainer Cambridge, Personality profiler Cambridge

Madeleine Morgan

What situations in your personal, career and business life could be transformed for the better as a result of your courage?

Warm wishes
Madeleine

23Jul/130

60 Seconds to Confidence #22

Success Tips for ManagersWhen I’m working with clients, I’m often reminded of that saying, ‘Give me the Courage to change the things I can change, the Grace to accept the things I can’t change and the Wisdom to know the difference’.

My clients find it helpful when we explore which circumstances in their lives they need to accept gracefully, in which circumstances they need to have the courage to change something and how they can develop the wisdom to know when to do what… and how to do it.

This is a huge question but it’s easier to work with if we know what we mean by ‘Grace’, ‘Courage’ and ‘Wisdom’.

This week, I’m going to talk about Grace and in following weeks I’ll cover the others.

It seems to me that Grace is a mental and emotional state where we can calmly accept that no matter what we do we can’t change what has happened…the past is the past. We can only change how we feel about it and what we do about it from now on.

When we’re being Graceful, we don’t waste a lot of time:

  • hitting our heads against a brick wall
  • seeking revenge
  • doing the same thing and expecting a different result
  • blaming others
  • being defensive
  • making excuses
  • complaining to people who can’t do anything about a situation, or
  • dwelling in other negative reactions

When we’re being Graceful we:

  • curiously examine our part in creating a situation (if there is one)
  • look for the silver lining in the cloud
  • learn useful things for the future
  • focus on finding solutions
  • make lemonade when life gives us lemons
  • talk through a situation with someone capable of helping us find a new perspective or creative solution
  • gain a deeper understanding, and
  • react with other positive responses

To achieve a Graceful mindset you often need to change the set of beliefs and assumptions that trigger off negative reactions. That’s well worth the effort when you realise that Grace can help us deal calmly and resourcefully with even the hardest of life’s difficult, ‘unfair’ and random events….and lead others to be Graceful too.

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorWhat circumstances in your personal, career or business life could do with a good dose of Grace?

Best wishes,

Madeleine

20Jul/130

60 Seconds to Confidence Tip #21

I remember hearing this tale about Gandhi and thinking, ‘That’s a powerful lesson in communication and influence if ever I heard one.’

Apparently, a mother and son unexpectedly arrived at Gandhi’s door one day. The mother’s face was full of concern. When Gandhi asked her what she wanted, she vehemently replied, ‘Tell my son not to eat sugar!’

Gandhi thought for a moment and then said, ‘Come back in two weeks.’

The mother reluctantly retraced her steps home. She was very puzzled by this response. She had hoped that Gandhi would put the full weight of his authority behind this healthy idea and powerfully influence her son.

But Gandhi knew something that she wasn’t aware of.

Two weeks later the mother and son made the long journey back to Gandhi's door. ‘Now, will you tell my son to stop eating sugar?’ she asked with some irritation in her voice.

Gandhi said, ‘Boy, stop eating sugar!’

The mother yelled in frustration, ‘Why didn’t you tell him to do that two weeks ago!’

Gandhi replied, ‘Madam, two weeks ago I was eating sugar. If we want others to change, we need to be the change we seek.’

Madeleine morgan NLP Master Practitioner and Trainer Cambridge, Personal Development Coach Cambridge, Business Coach Cambridge, Career Coach Cambridge, Executive Coach Cambridge, Communication Skills Trainer Cambridge, Personality profiler Cambridge

Madeleine Morgan

So, if you are finding that your family members, colleagues, employees, suppliers or friends are not changing in ways you would like them to, check if you are being the change that you seek.

Warm wishes
Madeleine

 

16Jul/130

60 Seconds to Confidence Tip #20

You’ve probably heard the phrase, ‘The grass is greener on the other side of the fence.’ It’s a cliché that others often hurl at us when we express dissatisfaction with our lot in life.

The phrase shouldn’t be used to stop you exploring new possibilities and making life better for yourself but it can sometimes be a timely reminder to value what we have.

Recent news about the double mastectomy operation of glamorous film star, Angelina Jolie, perhaps brings home the truth of this saying to anyone who has ever hankered after the life style of the beautiful, rich or famous, for instance.

A saying I prefer is, ‘The grass is greener where you water it.

It seems to me that if you’ve:

  • done all you can to nurture your health, relationships and your career or your business,
  • given them all that they need to thrive and
  • weeded out all the pests,

you’re more likely to have a very green life.

If you’re still not getting the rewards you want after all you’ve done to nurture what you have, you can be confident that it’s time to make a change in a new direction because there may really be some greener grass to be had on the other side!

Madeleine morgan NLP Master Practitioner and Trainer Cambridge, Personal Development Coach Cambridge, Business Coach Cambridge, Career Coach Cambridge, Executive Coach Cambridge, Communication Skills Trainer Cambridge, Personality profiler Cambridge

Madeleine Morgan

So…what areas of your life-garden are blooming, which areas need more TLC and what new fields would it be useful to explore?

Warm wishes
Madeleine

13Jul/130

60 Seconds to Confidence Tip #19

A client of mine recently complained that she couldn’t talk to her husband about her career because whenever they did, he would leap in quickly with suggestions and solutions and then he would get annoyed if she didn’t carry them out.

Predictably, she would then feel annoyed that he was being so pushy about his opinions. All she was looking for was someone to think aloud with who would be a sounding board to help her get clarity about what she wanted.

I asked what she had explained to her husband about her goal for that kind of conversation, and the role she’d like him to play. She had a light bulb moment as she realised she just launched into the conversation and so all he had to go on was his assumptions about what she expected of him.

I’m not letting him off the hook completely though. 🙂 He could have asked her what she needed from him and he didn’t have to be so attached to her following his advice.

They were both too busy feeling annoyed to see what was really going on and so those kinds of conversations kept on being a source of irritation for them both.

If you recognise this scenario in any of your personal or work conversations, experiment with:
• giving the other person an idea of what you want from them or
• checking your assumptions about what the other person wants from you

Notice how these actions can change the quality of the conversation and help you get the best out of each other.

Madeleine morgan NLP Master Practitioner and Trainer Cambridge, Personal Development Coach Cambridge, Business Coach Cambridge, Career Coach Cambridge, Executive Coach Cambridge, Communication Skills Trainer Cambridge, Personality profiler Cambridge

Madeleine Morgan

Warm wishes
Madeleine

 

9Jul/130

60 Seconds to Confidence Tip #18

Success Tips for ManagersRecently, one of my new clients said, “The worst thing that can happen to a gambler is to win.”

When gamblers win they often get an inflated idea of their ability to beat the odds. That’s how they lose a load of money, and other important things, in the long run.

My client could see parallels with this gambling mindset and behaviour to his tendency to ‘wing it’, prepare at the last minute and talk his way out of trouble if he needed to.

He realised that he had kidded himself that he was too creative and spontaneous to need or desire systems and planning. He thought that having systems would cramp his style and make life boring.

Then something happened that made him admit he could be even more profitable and successful in his life if only he created successful systems for marketing, selling, leading his team, making sure he recharged his batteries etc. Systems would make his success more predictable, he would experience fewer nasty surprises and he would have time to be more creative rather than fighting fires. And…there would be nothing boring about that.

The trouble was, he got lucky often enough not to bother with systems. That was until he came a cropper some months ago. Suddenly, the flow of money into his business became even more erratic than usual and the pressure of that caused difficulties in his marriage. He nearly lost a precious relationship.

So, what is a system?

One way to think of it is as a set of actions carried out in a particular sequence that are designed to help you solve problems, reach your goals and achieve success in a predictable way.

You could say SYSTEM stands for:

Saving
You
Stress
Time
Energy and
Money

Here are some ideas for success systems. What’s your system for:

  • leaving friends, family, clients and colleagues feeling better about themselves, and more empowered, as a result of their conversations with you?
  • keeping in touch with your network of contacts to help you grow your career or business?
  • maintaining your health, energy and vitality?
  • making sure you get the priority things done?
  • and building your confidence and self-esteem?

What systems do you need to create, and stick to, to be more successful in your business, career and personal life?

Madeleine Morgan Executive Coach and Leadership MentorIf you are interested in discovering more about systems for success, there are a couple of special events below that will help you.

In the meantime, discover and learn to love systems that ensure your business, career and personal success.

Warm wishes
Madeleine

Special Events:

1.    Success Toolkit for Managers Workshop
Give me one day and I will give you a complete step-by-step toolkit to enable you to double your productivity, manage your team skilfully and confidently and enjoy a great work/life balance. Click here for more details
 
2.    Complimentary Discovery Session
If you’re feeling stuck or frustrated at the moment, I have 2 complimentary spaces for 1-2-1 Discovery Sessions this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are in your business, career or personal life. We’ll get clear on how you’d like your life to be and then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

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