How to be Assertive in Relationships
The Confidence Coach
As a result of being one of the Chat Room guests on BBC Radio Cambridgeshire recently, it got me thinking...
We discussed 2 topics I thought were related. One was about how we felt about lending money to friends and family – could we live by the motto, ‘Neither a borrower nor a lender be’? The other was - what was our worst experience of having someone to stay in our home?
So how are those related, I hear you ask?
Well, what I realised was that those situations tend to be dilemmas for us if we’re not sure how, confidently, to set wise boundaries with people. Or if we are uncomfortable about dealing with people’s upset, or even our own guilt, when we do set boundaries. In fact that’s at the heart of many relationships we find difficult.
A common question my clients ask is, ‘How can I tell/refuse/ask……without upsetting them?’
The answers lie on lots of different levels. But here are a few ideas:
Remember that you can’t please all of the people all of the time. People become upset for lots of reasons – many of them you couldn’t be expected to guess. Instead of avoiding a conversation for fear of upsetting someone, get skilled at communicating effectively with that kind of person/situation and dealing with any upset that comes up.
For instance, if someone is upset about something you’ve asked them for or refused to give them, avoid becoming defensive. Try to have an open discussion about the real issues rather than about the emotions and the way they were communicated.
After all, if you avoid asking someone for something or to do something for fear of upsetting them, you never give them an opportunity to say, ‘Yes!’
Remember that you have a right to ask and they have a right to refuse. At the same time they have a right to ask you and you have a right to refuse!
Wouldn’t life be easier if we could be direct and assert our right to just ask or to just refuse?
For one of my coaching clients that belief system I’ve just described about asking and refusing just didn’t fit.
She came from a culture where if a member of the family asked for financial support she would give it, few questions asked. For instance, she was supporting a nephew to go to a very expensive college in the America and a cousin who kept wasting money and then finding himself on the breadline.
At the same time she had financial difficulties of her own because her business clients were late paying for her services.
Her belief that she should help her family was so strong that she felt guilty about refusing her family even though she had made her own luck in life and she was feeling very stressed by the financial state of her business.
The situation could only get worse because she was training her family to treat her like a bank.
One perspective that helped her was to realise that she could be more helpful to her family by asking curious and open questions that helped them realise how they could help themselves more. I call it ‘teaching them to fish so that they can feed themselves for a lifetime’ rather than ‘giving them fish which might feed them for only a day’.
The ‘win’ for her family members was that they enjoyed feeling more successful and the ‘win’ for her was she felt good about helping them find out how to be resourceful. She could also feel loved for herself rather than for her money.
Where in your life could you be creating a win-win by ‘teaching someone to fish’?
When you’re having family and friends to stay, think about how you can create a win-win situation.
I like to feel relaxed when people come to stay. One way I can be relaxed is by not having to second guess everyone’s needs. So for instance, I tell them that if they feel like having a hot drink, feel free to make one – they don’t have to wait for me to ask (Of course I do ask sometimes too). Or if they wake up before me and feel hungry – feel free to go and make some toast or get some cereal. My guests feel relaxed too because they don’t have to follow my routine all the time. Of course, we also plan to eat meals together as well.
How can you make sure that visits from your family and friends are win-win ones?
Please let me know how you get on or if you have any questions.
With 2012 here, I thought I’d give you a free tool to help you get clear about where you are in your life, where you’d like to be and how to get there. Just email me and I’ll send it to you.
Confidence at Work – Recession Proofing Your Career or Your Business
When you know how to recession proof your wealth creation - whether you have a career or a business - it can be a great source of confidence. Here are some ideas to help you protect your income in difficult times.
Have you ever wondered why companies choose to make workers redundant rather than cut salaries? After all, it doesn't seem to make sense to get rid of the people they've invested in recruiting and training when, if they keep those people employed, the company will have the talent to take advantage of rising demand when we pull out of the recession. Why not renegotiate the salaries and keep their team employed? That would also be a better outcome for employees and their families than facing redundancy.
Well studies show that employees' morale goes down when their salaries are cut and they respond by working less. Many people live up to and beyond their salaries so a general salary cut would also spread misery. Business owners and managerment teams use redundancies to get rid of people who are not pulling their weight or who are destroying team morale. So employers prefer a small number of employees to be miserable by making them redundant than by upsetting the majority. Studies also show that redundancies boost the productivity of of the employees who remain because they are more motivated to prove their value. Apparently most workers would rather keep their salaries than save their colleagues.
What if there was a better way forward where employees and employers could win? I've got some recession surviving and thriving tips for you whether you are an employer or an employee.
First of all, here are 5 secrets for recession proofing your career if you want to avoid redundancy, stay employed and thrive in difficult times:
- Whatever expertise you have and whatever industry you're working in, look out of niches. What I mean by that is areas where there is a lot of demand for people with skills, knowledge and experience and few people who have it. For instance, with one of my clients we identified that her company in the pharmaceutical industry was losing business because nobody was really skilled at putting effective teams together to bid for certain projects. I shared with her some useful skills and she soon started to earn more bonuses for extra business the company gained. She was also able to fast track her career and later got promoted from business development manager to director of business development.
- Recession Proof Your Career: Use Social Media tools like Linkedin to help you get known for that expertise - it's free! If you don't know how to use Social Media for promoting yourself click here.
- Successful people take charge of their personal development - emotional intelligence and great communication skills can give you an edge over your more your difficult or less communicative colleagues. There's a saying that we get hired for our technical/professional skills and fired for our communication skills!
- Take up every course opportunity related to your professional and personal development that your company offers you. When you gain more knowledge and skill it's like putting money in your bank account. Training is a valuable perk in your employment package.
- Then, create a personal development budget to fill in the gaps especially, if your company doesn't provide training. Private Life, Career and Executive Coaching is a great 21st century resource. It gives you the opportunity to talk about and get skilled in handling challenges you may not be able to talk about, or get the personal attention you need, at work. Life, Career or Executive coaching can help you get more clarity, focus and direction on how to:
- manage your anger, stress and procrastination and stay confident and motivated
- be more assertive and avoid aggressive or passive reactions to colleagues, clients, suppliers and bosses
- deal with difficult people, get the best out of others and create win-win situations
- get more recognition and reward for what you do
- make the right career choices and choose the next career steps for you
- convert any training you've received in presentation skills, leading, managing, influencing and negotiating into mastery
- develop the confidence and skill you need to fast track, or downsize, your career or get back into work after a break
3 tips for Managers and Business Owners to help you survive and thrive in the recession:
- Focus on building your team's morale to increase productivity and help you keep your talented people. I'm not talking about fixing up expensive outward bound team away days that are difficult to measure in terms of return on investment. I'm talking about the more every day things.
- For instance, make sure that when someone does a good job they get the recognition they deserve and everyone hears about it. Weed out team leaders who make their team's life hell because of their poor leadership skills. If you want to keep them, give them 1-2-1 coaching with a coach who is skilled at changing people's attitude - it's 80% more effective than training in getting results.
- Positvely and inspirationally engage your whole workforce in the task of helping your company to thrive rather than deciding things in high level meetings and handing down the bad news. A business owner I coached created weekly meetings where his team expressed their achievements, discussed their ideas for recession-proofing the business and brought referrals they had gained from tapping into their networks. Morale and productivity went up and the business owner tapped into resources in his team he didn't know were there before. For instance, his whole team, in effect, became his sales force and business development team because everyone was more aware of their potential to grow the business.
They say obstacles arise when we take our eyes off our goals. Let's keep focussed on creating a rewarding present and future.
I wish you health, wealth and happiness
Warm wishes
Madeleine
Madeleine Morgan uses NLP, coaching, personality profiling and training skills to help professionals, managers and business owners to create more rewarding lives, careers and businesses.
She is based in Cambridge UK and works locally, nationally and internationally in companies and at her coaching practice, face-to-face, over the telephone and on Skype.
She has over 20 years coaching and training experience and has worked with corporates, charities, SMEs and government organisations as well as 953 private clients who are mangers, professionals or business owners.
I like to reward action, so if you take the action to contact me I'll offer you a free no obligation Discovery Session to help you clarify where you are now, where you'd like to be and how to bridge the gap.
madeleine@growu.co.uk
mm@buildingselfconfidence.co.uk
01223 426392
Madeleine Morgan
Relationship Confidence – 7 Secrets to a Confident Romance
Confidence in Relationships – 7 Secrets to Confident Romance
The royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton has got me thinking about what makes a confident and fulfiling relationship.
Whether you’re totally indifferent to the royal wedding or a raving fan, it seems obvious that Kate and William are, in many ways, living the romantic dream. They’re wealthy, good looking, confident in each other’s love and make a great team.
It may be tempting to think that their kind of relationship is only for the privileged few. And it’s true that few people will have royal weddings but it’s also true that living the dream romance is more possible than most people think or experience in real life.
My own experiences of relationship pain, disaster and happiness gave me a passion to share with others what I’ve learned through experience and training about how how to create fun, passionate and happy relationships even when the relationship involves people with totally different personalities.
I’ve found out that many people are experiencing more pain than they need to just because there are some secrets, tools and strategies to creating a happy relationship they need to know – and are rarely taught.
Here are some of those secrets.
7 secrets to a confident and passionate relationship:
1. Confidence in Relationship Secret One - Choose someone who shares many of your hopes, values and dreams about life and relationship – it’s hard work in a relationship if you and your partner have very different ideas about what you want out of life. You’ll get caught up in resisting each other’s attempt to try and change each other. Know what you want and find out what they want, early on.
Nowadays people have more opportunity to find out if they are compatible before they get married than ever before. Yet 50% of first marriages and 75% of second marriages end in divorce. How can that be?
My experience of coaching over 900 clients is that they either ignore the instinct they have that this person is, at best, only 80% right for them. Or, a lack of skills and knowledge, some of which are mentioned in the tips below, kills off the chemistry.
2. Confidence in Relationship Secret Two - Be quick to praise the things you love and appreciate about them.
We’re brought up to think that people only improve and change if we criticise and point out when they make mistakes.
Yet, think about when you were a baby just taking your first wobbly steps.
Imagine if we’d been surrounded by people who had told us we were doing it all wrong, that we were underachieving and would probably never walk based on the evidence of our first struggles. I wonder how many people would still be crawling into middle age! Or be going into therapy because of a walking phobia.
I bet for most of you, the people around you praised everything about what you tried to do to walk – even when you lost your balance and sat down with a bump on your backside – for the 100th time. Maybe that’s why the majority of the people on the planet can walk!
Choose someone who is generous with their appreciation of you too. Be each other’s fan club!
3. Confidence in Relationship Secret Three – Talk about the things that bother you about your partner and the relationship.
You might think this tip is contradictory after what I said in tip 2.
Yes, if your partner has done or said something you don’t like, talk about it!
Avoid suffering in silent resentment because it kills off love and passion in a relationship. Avoid being intimidating, critical and interrogating while at the same time avoid being a victim, placating or distant. There are secrets to having those difficult conversations - the next 2 tips will help.
4. Confidence in Relationship Secret Four - When your partner wants different things from you, or has a different opinion, be willing to talk calmly about your differences. We are usually brought up to debate and that can be fun. But if you hold your ground too fiercely or reluctantly give in, you miss opportunities to understand each other better.
There’s a middle way. Sometimes it’s more loving, and exciting, to find out more about why they think the way they do before you bring your contradictory ideas. Avoid dismissing their ideas and wants too quickly – then they’ll be more willing to listen to you too. Have a win-win conversation.
5. Confidence in Relationship Secret Five - When difficulties come up think about your part in creating the situation.
For instance, if your partner is treating you badly, is there some way in which you’ve ‘trained’ them to do that either by ignoring their needs and wants or by trying to please them too much?
If you’re not attracting the right people into your life, what do you need to learn and change that will help you attract the romantic partner of your dreams?
The great thing about doing this is that your part is the only bit you’re in control of, the bit you can change and have power over. When you realise what you can do to change a situation, that’s very empowering.
We’re emotionally wired to go into flght/flight reactions in the face of relationships difficulties so I know this tip, while simple, is difficult to follow. My clients find that when you talk with an experienced relationship coach who can help you get the perspective, awareness and skills you need, in a supportive and objective way, it helps to speed up the journey to relationship success.
The next tip will also help.
6. Confidence in Relationship Secret Six – Heal the past. Most of us have had difficult relationship experiences - parents who have shown us very conditional love or ‘unloving’ behaviour, painful divorces and relationship breakups. We carry hurts from past relationships, sometimes without even realising it. This is baggage from past relationships can be too great a burden for your future ones.
Many clients I work with on their relationships have been through difficult childhood experiences, divorces and relationship break ups. They find they are slow to have confidence and trust in new relationships, even when they meet a really great partner, and find themselves sabotaging the relationship, without meaning, to in all kinds of unconscious and frustrating ways – big and small.
Once they’ve come to the point where they don’t want to be a hostage to the past, I’ve helped them clear the past, their confidence in relationship has increased and it’s easier to have the fun, passionate and loving relationship you really want.
7. Confidence in Relationship Secret Seven – Make Sure You Have Healthy Self-Esteem and Confidence.
My clients discover that when their confidence increases they attract other people with healthy self-esteem and confidence – like attracts like. Confident people make better relationship choices. Confident people are less likely to feel jealous and insecure in relationships. They don’t need to be right all the time and they don’t put up with poor treatment. They hold themselves and their partner to a higher standard.
All this may not sound very sexy but actually, long-term, physical passion and chemistry last longer when you follow these 7 secrets to confident relationships. 
I wish you all the love, fun and passion in your relationships that you can handle.
Warm wishes
Madeleine
PS: I like to reward people who take action to create more happiness in their lives. So, I’m offering you a free Discovery Session where we can explore where you are now in your life and relationships, where you’d like to be and how you can get there.
Contact Madeleine or phone 01223 964516 to book your session.
"Madeleine is an exceptional coach. Over the years I've received coaching from some of the biggest names in NLP, business and personal development. In my estimation she's up there with the big boys.
Very quickly she expanded my thinking way beyond the limits I had set for myself and not only gave me practical step-by-step advice that moved me forward in my career, my business, my personal relationships and my personal development. She also revealed to me the things I was doing in my head that were preventing me from enjoying the success I'd already achieved.
In a very short time, and as a direct result of Madeleine's coaching:
- My confidence soared
- I secured an interview for the job of my dreams
- I got really clear on a part-time business I wanted to build
On top of all this, the process, wisdom and expertise she brought to the coaching allowed me to make changes in myself that deepened my relationship with my girlfriend, improved my interpersonal skills with colleagues at work and most important of all, given me an ongoing realisation that this whole journey is exciting and enjoyable. Ben Green, Manager
The Confidence Coach
The Coaching Room, 44 Chesterfield Road, Cambridge, CB4 1LN
Building Self Confidence – Action for Happiness
Hi
I was listening to breakfast TV yesterday morning on the BBC and heard about a new charity called Action for Happiness.
Why would there be the need for such a charity? Well, it seems that the richer our society gets the unhappier we are!
That’s weird isn’t it? Surely we’ve got more to be happy about than ever – even with the recession on we still have a great material standard of living compared to millions of people in the world. We enjoy greater physical safety and there are more safety nets if our personal world falls apart than in many countries
Part of the BBC report showed various members of the public giving their ideas about what would make them happy. Their answers included: a bath, a fulfiling career, that it would suddenly be Friday afternoon and time to go home from work.
It struck me that all of their answers were around ‘I’ll be happy when…’ None of them were about how they could be happy in the moment. We can all relate to that. I know I feel more upbeat when the sun shines.
The trouble with the kind of happiness that depends on certain events taking place is - what if they don’t? Are we dooming ourselves to be unhappy for no good reason?
Here are some great antidotes to unhappiness my clients find really helpful and that you can start to use immediately:
- Build your confidence so that you can bounce back quickly after a setback.
- Learn how to create win-win discussions so that even if someone wants something different from you, or has a different opinion, you don’t have to get defensive and argue with friends, family, colleagues or clients.
- Practise speeding up the time it takes for you to turn your attention away from a problem and towards a solution.
- Keep a gratitude diary – find reasons to be happy and write down all the small and big things you are grateful for. If you can’t be reasonably happy, try being unreasonably happy!
- Express gratitude – let your family, friends, clients and colleagues know what you appreciate about them. Include yourself – you need to be your own best friend
- Have a motivating reason to live. My motivating purpose is to help people create even more abundance in their lives – an abundance of the good things in life such as joy, confidence, health, fulfiling relationships, love, rewarding careers and businesses and wealth. When I remember it, I feel very happy and it keeps me going even when I experience setbacks.
- Choose to spend your time with positive and supportive people. For instance, weed out any negative ‘friends’ and see a life or business coach regularly to help you get perspective, clear sense of purpose, master your emotions and clear the way to overcoming challenges and achieving your goals faster.
All these things are within your power and give you control over your life and level of happiness.
Create a happy day!
Warm wishes
Madeleine
PS: I like to reward people who take action to create more happiness in their lives. So, I’m offering you a free Discovery Session where we can explore where you are now in your life, where you’d like to be and how you can get there.
Email Madeleine at mm@buildingselfconfidence.co.uk or phone Cambridge 01223 964516 to book your phone, Skype or face-to-face session.
PPS: You can download a free confidence mini-course from http://www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk
"Madeleine is an exceptional coach. Over the years I've received coaching from some of the biggest names in NLP, business and personal development. In my estimation she's up there with the big boys.
Very quickly she expanded my thinking way beyond the limits I had set for myself and not only gave me practical step-by-step advice that moved me forward in my career, my business, my personal relationships and my personal development. She also revealed to me the things I was doing in my head that were preventing me from enjoying the success I'd already achieved.
In a very short time, and as a direct result of Madeleine's coaching:
- My confidence soared
- I secured an interview for the job of my dreams
- I got really clear on a part-time business I wanted to build
On top of all this, the process, wisdom and expertise she brought to the coaching allowed me to make changes in myself that deepened my relationship with my girlfriend, improved my interpersonal skills with colleagues at work and most important of all, given me an ongoing realisation that this whole journey is exciting and enjoyable.
Ben Green, Marketing Manager
The Confidence Coach
Help with Confidence – Secrets to Dealing Confidently with Feedback
Hi
Have you ever asked for or just been given someone’s opinion – perhaps about a task you’ve done at work, some clothes you’ve bought, a dish you’ve cooked, a presentation you’ve made or an idea you have?
Was that opinion ever negative and critical?
Did you feel your confidence was undermined by it?
If so, I’ve got some great secrets for dealing confidently with feedback to share with you.
Just recently I’ve been delivering various training and group coaching sessions in confident presenting, confident leading, confident in personal relationships, confident selling and building self-confidence, in addition to my 121 work with clients. One thing I learned early on about delivering coaching and training sessions is the value of getting feedback.
In my early days of training I used to look at feedback sheets with a mixture of dread and excitement. I looked forward to the praise, especially if I felt it had gone really well.
But, part of me was worried that I had unwittlingly messed up and that someone would say something critical which would then play on my mind.
Then I began to realise that the feedback forms were designed to encourage people to give balanced, constructive and quality feedback. So, whatever the feedback was it would be useful – if it was praise then I would know I was on the right track and if it was critical then I’d know what to change to make it better next time. This gives me even more confidence for the future.
The trouble with most situations in life is that we can’t give out forms that encourage people to give balanced feedback.
So, here are some secrets I’ve learned to make sure I get quality feedback that has built my confidence with colleagues, clients, family and friends and the occasional difficult person.
Use these tips and they will help you build even more confidence in your life. In fact, you’ll never dread critical comments again! J
- Feedback Confidence Secret 1
I’m careful about who I take notice of – I only ask for feedback from people who are ‘qualified’. These are people who are willing to give balanced, constructive and quality feedback. That way I can feel confident about asking them.
- Feedback Confidence Secret 2
I ask those people curious questions so that it’s easier for them to give me balanced, constructive and quality feedback e.g. What do you like about….? What would make it even better? What makes you think that…?
- Feedback Confidence Secret 3
If they haven’t waited to be asked and have just fired off some critical comments, I ask those questions in tip 2.
- Feedback Confidence Secret 4
I give balanced, constructive and quality feedback so that I can be a good role model for people around me of how I would like to be treated.
They say feedback is the breakfast of champions. Getting quality feedback has definitely helped me go from strength to strength.
I’d love to know how you get on with these tips.
Have fun!
Warm wishes
Madeleine
P.S. You can download more valuable confidence tips at www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk
P.P.S. If you'd like to find out more about how to fast track your journey to natural confidence, please email Madeleine at mm@buildingselfconfidence.co.uk to book a free discovery session. We explore where you are with your confidence, where you'd like to be and what resources are available to bridge the gap.
Madeleine Morgan is a qualified Life Coach and NLP Master Practitioner based in Cambridge CB4 1LN UK
Confidently Dealing with Criticism
Have you ever been criticised? It's one of the hardest things to deal with when you lack confidence isn't it? When you hear it or read it your body tenses as if you're about to receive a punch, your stomach churns and inside you fear it might be true or your mind rejects it as totally unfair.
Let's be honest, sometimes that criticism is fair - it's just poorly worded and delivered feedback.
Sometimes it's just spiteful.
I'll be suggesting some ways of dealing with badly delivered feedback in another post. For now I want to share with you a helpful way of thinking about the spiteful stuff.
There's story about how Buddha thought about criticism that I thought you would find uplifting:
A man met Buddha on the street one day and began to call him mean and ugly names.
Buddha listened quietly and thoughtfully until the man ran out of criticisms, and had to pause for breath.
"If you offer something to a man and he refuses it, to whom does it belong?" asked Buddha.
The spiteful man replied, "It belongs, I suppose, to the one who offered it."
Then Buddha said, "The abuse and vile names you offer me, I refuse to accept."
The man turned and walked away.
Have a serene day 
Warm wishes
Madeleine
P.S. You can download more valuable confidence tips at www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk
P.P.S. If you'd like to find out more about how to fast track your journey to natural confidence, please email Madeleine at mm@buildingselfconfidence.co.uk to book a free discovery session. We will explore where you are with your confidence, where you'd like to be and what resources are available to bridge the gap.
Madeleine Morgan
Life Coach, NLP Master Practioner and Trainer
"Over the sessions I had with Madeleine I learnt a lot about myself through her personality quiz and a lot about how to manage the challenges I was facing at work. She was very patient and helped me make a big career decision. Madeleine is warm, caring and a great listener. I couldn't have made my decision without her!" Jo Brewin, Teacher
Cambridge, CB4 1LN
Is Dealing with Difficult People Undermining Your Confidence?
Is Dealing with Difficult People Stealing Your Time and Energy and Even Your Confidence?
Then this “Natural Influence” workshop is designed for you
Discover how to stop these people holding back your business, professional or personal life.
Take away tools and strategies that will help you:
- make your personal relationships a joy
- get the best out of your team and your colleagues
- make dealing with demanding clients more relaxing
- and make your career or business more rewarding
Among many other things you’ll discover how to:
- § Discover how to handle people’s aggressive behaviours assertively
- § Resolve conflict and create win-win outcomes
- § Prepare for challenging situations and avoid escalating them further
- § Develop rapport and motivate others quickly and easily
- § Deliver difficult feedback confidently and skilfully – without appearing to nag or criticise
- § Read special clues in the body language, voice tones and words people use
- § Get the best out of people who are not like you
100% Money Back Guarantee
If by the end of the workshop you feel your knowledge about how to influence difficult people has not improved, I will refund your money in full. All I ask is that you return the workshop materials.
Where’s the venue?
St John’s Innovation Centre – Milton Road, Cambridge
What time and date?
9.30 a.m. – 12.30 or 1.30 p.m. – 4.30pm or 6p.m. – 9p.m. Wednesday 1st December
So what is your investment to attend?
Early bird price of £107 + VAT (full price £147 + vat), if you book before Friday 26th November.
You can bring an additional guest (friend, family member, colleague or team member who is not on my mailing list – perhaps that difficult person J) for £97 + VAT per person.
Places are limited to 4 per session so hurry and book yours!
How do I book?
Call Madeleine Morgan on 01223 426392 or email madeleine@growu.co.uk to confirm your booking or find out more.
What my clients say:
“Thanks for making it so useful, informative and lively.” Vicky Faupel Cambridge Network
One of the most powerful lessons I learnt is how to deal with difficult people – an invaluable seminar run by Madeleine. This was thought provoking, structured and fun! Aegean Thompson, Director Event Wishes
“Madeleine is an exceptional coach and trainer. The process, wisdom and expertise she brought to the training allowed me to make changes in myself that deepened my relationship with my girlfriend, improved my interpersonal skills with colleagues at work and most important of all, given me an ongoing realisation that this whole journey is exciting and enjoyable.” Ben Green, Marketing Manager
“I found the workshop very interesting and motivational. I’ve got more tools to create something better than compromise or win-lose situations. I can create win-win outcomes.” Justine Fairweather, Credit Controller, Whizzle It
How to Deal with Difficult People
Is Dealing with Difficult People Stealing Your Time and Energy and Even Your Wealth?
Then this “Dealing with Difficult People Made Easier” workshop is designed for you
Discover how to stop these people holding back your business, professional or personal life.
Take away tools and strategies that will help you:
- get the best out of your team and your colleagues
- improve client relationships,
- make selling easier
- make your personal life a joy
- and your career or business more rewarding
Among many other things you’ll discover how to:
- § Recognise classic types of difficult people and strategies for handling them
- § Resolve conflict and create win-win outcomes
- § Prepare for challenging situations and avoid escalating them further
- § Develop rapport quickly and easily
- § Deliver difficult feedback confidently and skilfully
- § Read special clues in the body language, voice tones and words people use
- § Learn assertive skills and behaviours – avoid aggressive or passive ones
100% Money Back Guarantee
If by the end of the work you feel your knowledge about how to deal with difficult people has not improved, I will refund your money in full. All I ask is that you return the workshop materials.
Where’s the venue?
St John’s Innovation Centre – Milton Road, Cambridge
What time and date?
9 a.m. – 12.30 p.m. or 1.30 – 5.00pm on Wednesday 24th November
So what is your investment to attend?
Because I feel strongly about sharing the tools to create win-win relationships, you can secure your seat for just £147 + VAT
Early bird price of £117 + VAT, if you book before Wednesday 15th November.
You can bring an additional team member from your business (or a guest who is not on my mailing list – perhaps that difficult person ) for £97 + VAT per person.
Places are limited to 4 per session so hurry and book yours!
How do I book?
Call Madeleine Morgan on 01223 426392 or email madeleine@growu.co.uk to confirm your booking or find out more.
“Thanks for making it so useful, informative and lively.” Vicky Faupel, Cambridge Network
“Madeleine is an exceptional coach and trainer.
Over the years, I have received coaching from some of the biggest names in business and personal development. In my estimation she is up there with the big boys.”
Ben Green, Marketing Manager
“I found the workshop very interesting and motivational. I’ve got more tools to create something better than compromise or win-lose situations. I can create win-win outcomes.”
Justine Fairweather, Credit Controller, UK Fixings
Confident Presenting – 7 Tips to Raise Your Confidence When You’re Speaking in Public
One of the Most Elusive Keys to Confident Presenting is Managing Yourself and Your Emotions
Most people experience lack of confidence when they are presenting as an emotional hijack they have no control over. Once the nerves start your body is taken over by your anxious and shallow breathing and racing heart beat. Butterflies begin their crazy flight in your stomach and the tension in your neck spreads down into your shoulders and travels down to your toes. Sometimes the nerves start when you first find out you have a presentation coming up. Then you have sleepless nights and anxious thoughts chase around in your brain - What if I forget what I've prepared? What if there's a glitch with the technology? What if people ask me awkward questions? What if... the list is endless. For some people the anxiety starts nearer the presentation - while you're waiting your turn, when you step on stage, while you're being introduced....Whenever the anxiety starts, the even worse thought is that if you lack confidence on stage all your worst fears are more likely to come about - you feel doomed because you absolutely know you'll fluff your lines, forget the most impressive point, stutter over the perceptive question and and everyone will see you're clutching your notes with a nervous grip. You know you'll also sentence yourself to endless replays of the worst moments and the things you should have said will haunt your brain.
No wonder research has found that most people fear public speaking more than death. Why is that? My guess is that we've been brought up to fear making a mistake in front of lots of people. For example, think of the ridicule heaped on kids at school by their fellow students and sometimes even their teachers for making small mistakes and giving 'wrong' answers.
The trouble is that a lot of the things we want most in life - career and business success, making a difference in the world, influencing others with our ideas, being known as an expert, making sales, championing a worthy cause, teaching so people learn, entertaining an audience and connecting with people in our work and personal lives depends on our ability to present confidently and naturally. You have probably noticed that when you are feeling successful, motivated, happy and confident you are more likely to do the right things to get you what you want.
Useful States for Presenters
It would be useful for you to be and feel confident, motivated, excited, enthusiastic, competent, assertive, powerful and many other positive states when presenting, wouldn't it? Master presenters are able to create these emotions in themselves whenever they need them. And when they do that, they often lead their audiences to feel that way too.
Managing Your State
So how can you manage your emotions when you are preparing for and delivering a presentation? If you are feeling nervous or uncertain about a presentation, it is just a signal that you need to do more preparation on one or more of 7 levels. Here are some suggestions for causes of uncertainty at each level and ways in which you could prepare so that you feel confident:
1. Purpose/Goal/outcome: If you are uncertain at this level, it is possible that your purpose in giving the presentation is more to do with enhancing your reputation and seeking perfection.
You have probably noticed that when you are focussed on contributing and giving a gift you are often able to forget yourself and focus on the needs of others instead and then perform better. So, a way to regain your confidence on this level is by focussing on giving the gift of your expertise, valuable information, encouragement, feedback and other things you think that you can contribute. The great thing is that when you do this you are more likely to enhance your reputation and achieve excellence anyway!
2. How you think of yourself: If you are uncertain at this level it is possible that you do not think of yourself as a presenter or a valuable contributor. To regain confidence at this level, you could start to think of yourself as a presenter, learner, leader, contributor, catalyst for change and any other identity you think would be useful. Find evidence in your life to support these ways of thinking of yourself.
3. Values: Values are about what is important to you. If you are feeling uncertain at this level, it is possible that you value certainty, your significance and perfection above contribution, adventure, learning and growth and connection. You may be asking yourself lots of questions that create doubt in you, like: ‘What will they think of me?’ What if it goes wrong?’ What if someone asks me a question I can’t answer?’
To regain confidence at this level you could ask yourself questions that put you in a resourceful state and relate to the values of contribution, learning and connection, such as: ‘How can I ensure that the presentation is effective and engaging for my audience?’ ‘What questions are they likely to ask and what answers shall I prepare?’
4. Beliefs: Beliefs are about what we think is true. There is enough evidence in the world to believe anything we want to believe and so we might as well hold beliefs that support us.
If you are experiencing uncertainty at this level, these might be some of the beliefs that you hold: if I make a mistake people will think badly of me forever; it is bad to make mistakes; something will go wrong and I will look foolish; I am not a good presenter; they will find out that I am not as good as they thought; they know more than I do; my contribution is not worthwhile; if I feel confident people will think I’m arrogant or I won’t prepare properly etc.
To regain confidence on this level you could believe: there is no failure only feedback; everyone makes a worthwhile contribution in their way; mistakes are just an opportunity to learn and grow; whatever happens I will handle it, etc. Find evidence to make the old negative beliefs look ridiculous and to strengthen the new and positive beliefs.
5. Skills: Uncertainty at this level is about not knowing how to do something that would allow you to create a successful presentation. For instance, you might not be certain about how to stand and deliver, how to work a projector, how to create a Power Point presentation or how to keep your audience engaged in what you're saying.
To regain certainty at this level, identify the skills you need to develop and then seek training, feedback and practise. Find role models for the presentation styles you like and copy them.
6. Behaviour: Uncertainty at this level is created if you are not doing the things you need to do to create a successful presentation.
To gain confidence at this level you need to plan and practise so that you use all the relevant skills well and unconsciously, just like you do when you are driving a car.
Bonus Tips:
In our neurology, our states and emotions are wired to our body language. So, one of the most important things to do at this level is to stand and move with a body language that helps you to experience the state you want. For instance, if you want to feel confident, stand taller, relax your shoulders, breath deeply and move more deliberately.
7. Resources and Environment: Uncertainty at this level is about not having the time, equipment, assistance, space, etc. that you need to make your presentation successful.
To restore confidence at this level you need to make sure that you gather the resources and create the environment you need or work out ways to get round any challenges in this area. One useful resource is a coach who can help you develop your confidence and the skills to present impactfully.
If you would like to find out more about how to present confidently, naturally and skilfully contact Madeleine Morgan for a free Discovery Session. We'll discuss your current challenges and abilities related to presenting, what you'd like to achieve, what is getting in the way and what resouces you need to present the way you would like to. C all Cambridge 01223 426392 or email mm@buildingselfconfidence.co.uk
Confident and Skilful Presenting – Managing Your Content
One tried, tested and yet little known way to organise the content of your presentation is to use the 4-Mat System
The 4-Mat System comes from a study of learning styles by Bernice McCarthy. By structuring your content in this way you’ll help all 4 kinds of learners and you are more likely to influence and engage the whole of your audience. When they are taking in information and learning, some people ask What? more than any other question, e.g. What is this about? Some people are more interested in the answer to the question, Why? Others are more interested in How? While others wonder, What if?
Here’s how to sequence the material in your presentation to answer all these questions and help your audience get to grips with the topic:
- Give a ‘Small What?’ This is the subject heading and a few sentences describing the subject. E.g. ‘I’m going to talk about the 4-Mat System for organising the content in your presentation.’
- Follow the ‘Small What?’ with lots of ‘Why?’ because until the Why? People have a good reason to listen they will not pay attention. E.g. ‘This is important for you to learn because, if you use it, you are more likely to influence and engage your whole audience.’
- After the ‘Why?’ give your detailed information or Large ‘What?’. People need detail before they can think about how to use something or consider the implications. E.g. In the 4-Mat system, 4 learning styles have been identified...’
- Next talk about the ‘How?’ In a presentation, this might be talking about how they could implement the information in their departments, etc. E.g. ‘The sequence in which you use the 4-Mat System is…’
- Finally, look at the consequences. What would happen if you did this? What would happen if you didn’t? What would happen if you didn’t do this? What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t do this? E.g. ‘If you don’t use this system a large section of the will not pay attention. People who are mainly ‘What if’ people need time to ask questions.
Sometimes your audience will be made up of a majority of one category of learner.
For instance, more What If? People tend to be in marketing, sales and action-oriented managerial roles.
More How? People are in applied sciences and engineering.
More What? People are in natural sciences, maths, research and planning.
More Why? People tend to be in personnel training, organisational development, humanities and social sciences.
If you are presenting to audiences where there is a bias towards a particular learning style you need to tailor the balance of your presentation to suit it.
If you'd like some expert help with a presentation or public speaking engagement you've got coming up, please contact Madeleine Morgan 01223 426392 or email mm@buildingselfconfidence.co.uk for a free consultation. We'll discuss the presentation you want to give, what you want to achieve, what might get in the way of achieving your outcomes and what resources are available to help you deliver your presentation confidently and skilfully.
http://www.growu.co.uk and http://www.buildingselfconfidence.co.uk
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