Building Self Confidence Blog
24May/160

How to React Confidently to Change and Reduce Stress: Confidence Tip 150

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UKWhether you love change or hate change, there’s often a period of time when you feel uncertain and uncomfortable with it. It takes a while to adapt to change, to see the opportunities in it and to see the positive aspects of it.

I’ve worked a lot with business owners and professionals and managers working in businesses over the last 16 years. It seems like the pace of change in their lives is speeding up.

Sometimes that need to change is forced on them by changes outside their control. For example, many of my professional and manager clients have gone through several rounds of redundancies in the companies they work for. Their companies have had to change how people are managed or bring in new systems and software too. These changes have all brought unwelcome uncertainty. They’ve needed to learn new skills and have different mind-sets to survive and thrive through change.

At other times the need for change is coming from inside them. The things they used to do, want and be are no longer making them happy.

How to Stay Confident When You Need to Change or When Change is Happening Around You

So, if the only certainty we really have is that things will change, how can we grow and change confidently?

I realised the other day that there is something we can learn from lobsters!

Yep, lobsters 🙂

I was watching a video by Dr Abraham Twerski where he described how lobsters grow.

A lobster is a soft bodied animal that lives in a rigid shell. The shell can’t expand. So how does the lobster grow?

Well, as it grows, the shell becomes uncomfortable and constricting. When the lobster feels this stress it knows it’s time to change its shell. Then it finds a safe place where it can cast off its shell without getting eaten by predators and it grows a new one. A young lobster will go through the process 5-6 times in a season whereas the adult lobster will only change their shell 1-2 times.

Notice that the trigger is that the lobster feels stress and discomfort. Dr Twerski pointed out that if lobsters had doctors they’d never grow because every time they got stressed they would be given a drug to supress or over-ride the feelings.

Interesting point.

So, how can you live, like a lobster, with change?

Your mission to meet change with confidence, if you choose to accept:

  1. Accept change as a natural process in life.
  2. Seek out, or create, a supportive environment for change – such as life coaching or business coaching sessions.
  3. Look forward to the new opportunities that change can bring.

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UKWhat’s your next step to becoming more confident with change?

Check out some suggestions below.

Warm wishes, Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Special Offers, Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

Special Offers and Dates for Your Diary

Free Coaching Discovery Session

If we haven’t worked together before, I’d like to offer you a free, confidential ‘Best Year Yet’ Coaching Discovery Session

I have 6 sessions left to give away, in June

During that 45-60 minute session,

  • We’ll discuss where you are with your personal, career or business life.
  • We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success.
  • We’ll get clear about how you’d like your life to be.
  • Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and confident about making 2016 your best year yet.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.uk and let me know what times and days fit for you.

Hurry to book your place because there are only 4 places and this offer is going to over 1600 people. 🙂

 

Quote of the Week about Dealing with Change 

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer

Useful Links

"I've just read Madeleine's 'The Success Ladder' over the weekend. What a great easy and effective guide for any aspiring leader. It's very easy to read and most importantly the actions are very powerful which I've already started to implement. Thank you Madeleine and I look forward to sharing my success with you :-)" Adrian Peck

 

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10May/160

Best Ways to Manage Conflict: Confidence Tip 149

Life Coaching and Confidence CoachingHave you ever heard that saying, attributed to American Indians, ‘Don’t judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins’?

Sound advice. I know my perspective on someone has changed once I’ve found out more about the pressures they’re under. It has saved me from getting into angry arguments or unnecessary conflict.

The other day, I read an alternative version:

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

I had to chuckle because it so accurately reflects most people’s fears and lack of confidence about saying something that might provoke an argument or an angry reaction.

The trouble is that at least 3 negative things can happen if you don’t give someone feedback or don’t say something for fear of conflict:

  • Your frustration builds up and affects the relationship anyway. People have told me they’ve walked out of personal relationships and walked away from jobs or clients rather than have the conversation or risk open conflict. Often, that’s been a very costly move for both sides.
  • You never get to hear their side of things and gain a perspective that might ease your frustrations and resolve the conflict.
  • You don’t get the chance to resolve the conflict in a win-win way. That’s a lose-lose situation.

How to Stay Confident When You Need to Say Something that Might Lead to Conflict

So what would be a couple of handy rules of thumb for addressing issues that might lead to conflict, confidently?

  1. Discover the power of curiosity. Rather than get into a competition where both of you are fighting to be understood, find out more about what makes them do what they do or think the way they think, before you put forward your feelings, thoughts and arguments. You may be surprised at how this approach can reduce their defensiveness and give you important information that will help you make better judgements.
  2.  Find positive ways to put forward your thoughts. For example, rather than saying things like, ‘You’re always late’, ‘You’re inconsiderate’ or ‘You make me feel….’, ask, ‘What’s a time we can both get there on time?’

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UKWhat’s your next step to becoming more confident with conflict and feedback?

Check out some suggestions below.

Warm wishes, Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Special Offers, Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

Special Offers and Dates for Your Diary

  1. Free Coaching Discovery Session

If we haven’t worked together before, I’d like to offer you a free, confidential ‘Best Year Yet’ Coaching Discovery Session.

I have 2 sessions left to give away, in May.

During that 45-60 minute session,

  • We’ll discuss where you are with your personal, career or business life.
  • We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success.
  • We’ll get clear about how you’d like your life to be.
  • Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and confident about making 2016 your best year yet.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.uk and let me know what times and days fit for you.

Hurry to book your place because there are only 4 places and this offer is going to over 1600 people. 🙂


Quote of the Week about Dealing with Conflict
 

“Seek first to understand and then to be understood.’ Stephen Covey

Useful Links

"I've just read Madeleine's 'The Success Ladder' over the weekend. What a great easy and effective guide for any aspiring leader. It's very easy to read and most importantly the actions are very powerful which I've already started to implement. Thank you Madeleine and I look forward to sharing my success with you :-)" Adrian Peck

26Apr/160

7 Things to Do When You Feel Like Giving Up: Confidence Tip 148

 

Life Coaching and Confidence CoachingI chuckled when I was sent this funny quote recently: “If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.”

Actually, I’ve tried skydiving and you get lots of practice jumping out of the plane where the parachute opens automatically, before you graduate to pulling the rip cord yourself.

But…the joke got me thinking.

Many people who are successful in their personal, career and business lives achieve great things because they keep trying when ordinary mortals would give up.

Did you know:

  1. For many years, Jay-Z couldn’t get signed to record labels? Now his records have earned him millions
  2. Bill Gates’s first business failed?
  3. Albert Einstein didn’t speak until he was four years old?
  4. Richard Branson has dyslexia?
  5. Thomas Edison failed 1000 times to create a light bulb before he succeeded? He said, ‘I haven’t failed, I’ve just found a thousand ways that won’t work.’
  6. Kris Carr turned her cancer into an inspirational business?
  7. Steven Spielberg couldn’t get into the film school he wanted to attend?

So how did they gain the determination and confidence to persist on the dark nights of the soul when nothing was going to plan or certain people were telling them to quit or they just wanted to give up?

How to Stay Confident and Determined When You Want to Give Up

Here are 7 Tips to help you stay confident and determined when you want to give up:

  1. If people are resisting your ideas and plans, it’s possible it’s because you need to improve your communications skills. Add to your influencing, sales, marketing, presentation or negotiation skills so that you can help people be more open to your thoughts, views and schemes.
  2. Remind yourself that the darkest hour is often before the dawn – in other words, you might be just about to make a breakthrough. And…you’ve probably got a great track record of overcoming difficulties.
  1. Stay focussed on what you want to achieve – you tend to see most obstacles when you take your eye off your goal and switch to what’s in the way of it. Reviewing your written goals regularly and creating a vision poster are a couple of ways to keep your objectives in mind.
  1. Treat setbacks as opportunities to learn things that will help you succeed in future rather than using them to confirm that you’re a failure. When we were babies we had to fall over numerous times in our quest to learn to walk. All those falls were lessons about balance – necessary experiences for our eventual success.
  1. Have realistic expectations. Plants wouldn’t grow if farmers took them out of the ground every 5 minutes to check if the roots were growing. Give your actions time to reap their fruit and build momentum.
  1. Find ways to enjoy the journey or set goals where you can enjoy the journey. If your life is always about the end result or you set goals that involve lots of actions you hate, you create for yourself a life of hard grind.
  1. Be flexible about the way you get your goals achieved. Sometimes our habits of thinking and behaviour get in the way of our goals. Try new ways of thinking, new approaches and different actions. A life coach can help you make these changes faster and more easily.

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UKWhat’s your next step to becoming more persistent?

Warm wishes, Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Special Offers, Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

 

 

Special Offers and Dates for Your Diary

1. Free Coaching Discovery Session

If we haven’t worked together before, I’d like to offer you a free, confidential ‘Best Year Yet’ Coaching Discovery Session

I have 4 sessions to give away, in May.

During that 45-60 minute session,

  • We’ll discuss where you are with your personal, career or business life.
  • We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success.
  • We’ll get clear about how you’d like your life to be.
  • Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and confident about making 2016 your best year yet.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.uk

Hurry to book your place because there are only 4 places and this offer is going to over 1600 people. 🙂


2. Wednesday 18th May 2016 Business Growth Coaching Programme
 

I’ve teamed up with business consultant, Tim Gale, and we’ll be launching our 12th Business Growth Programme on Wednesday 18th May at 4.30 p.m. If you live in the Cambridgeshire or Suffolk area and you’re interested in growing your business this year, in the run up to the launch we’d like to offer you a free Double Your Profits Strategy Session. In this session, we’ll discuss where your business is now and where you’d like it to be in 1 to 5 years’ time. We’ll share with you how we think you could achieve the lifestyle and business you really want.

To apply for your free Double Your Profits Strategy session, click here.

 

Quote of the Week about Determination and Adversity

“All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” Walt Disney

 

Useful Links

"I've just read Madeleine's 'The Success Ladder' over the weekend. What a great easy and effective guide for any aspiring leader. It's very easy to read and most importantly the actions are very powerful which I've already started to implement. Thank you Madeleine and I look forward to sharing my success with you :-)" Adrian Peck

 

 

 

 

20Apr/160

Free Life Coaching Session

Discover How Life Coaching Can Help You Have the Confidence and Lifestyle You Want

Watch this video to find out how life coaching can help you build your self confidence, gain more career  success and fulfillment and create relationship happiness.

At the end of the this life coaching video you'll see how you can apply for a free coaching discovery session with experienced life coach, Madeleine Morgan.

 

 

14Apr/160

How Misunderstandings Happen and How to Deal With Them: Confidence Tip 147

Life Coaching and Confidence CoachingA friend of mine sent me this conversation recently.

 Partner 1 texts partner 2 on a very cold winter’s morning: 

“Windows frozen, won't open.”

Partner 2 texts back:
“Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer.”

Partner 1 texts back 5 minutes later:
  

“Computer really messed up now!” 

How many times have you left the scene of a conversation totally confident that the other person knew exactly what you meant, only to find there’s been a complete misunderstanding? Aarghh!

The joke reminded me of two things that could be useful to you.

The first is a very challenging quote from David Gordon: “Just because you’re making a noise in my direction, don’t assume you’re communicating with me!”

I remember coaching a manager who was totally frustrated because he’d have long conversations with members of his team to arrive at decisions about what and how they were going to do things only to find that they didn’t do what he thought they were going to do, in the way he thought they’d agreed they would do it.

The second thing the joke reminded me about was how easy it is to fall into the trap of wading in with a solution before you know enough about the problem. The risk being that you might give an irrelevant solution, a solution that’s only partially correct or one that’s totally unwelcome because a solution wasn’t being asked for anyway!

So…what can you do to avoid these misunderstandings in the first place and how can you deal with these misunderstandings if they come up?

How to Avoid Misunderstandings

Here are 5 tips to help you avoid misunderstandings:

  • At the end of a conversation where decisions are being made or actions agreed, check you are both going away with the same understanding of what has been discussed. To avoid misunderstandings you might say: ‘Just so that I can check my communication, would you feed back to me what you understand that we’ve agreed?’ Or you could ask a summarising question that ensures there is mutual understanding such as, ‘So am I right in thinking we’ve agreed…?’
  • When someone seems to have a problem check whether they are looking for you to suggest solutions.
  • When someone asks your advice, ask more questions about the problem before you give any solutions
  • If you misunderstand what someone has said, take responsibility for jumping to conclusions.
  • If they misunderstand what you’ve said, take responsibility for miscommunicating and find another way to express yourself so that they do understand.

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UKWhat’s your next step to making your personal and working relationships work for you?

Warm wishes, Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Special Offers, Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

 

Special Offers and Dates for Your Diary

1. Free Coaching Discovery Session

If we haven’t worked together before, I’d like to offer you a free, confidential ‘Best Year Yet’ Coaching Discovery Session

I have 4 sessions to give away in April.

During that 45-60 minute session,

  • We’ll discuss where you are with your personal, career or business life.
  • We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success.
  • We’ll get clear about how you’d like your life to be.
  • Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and confident about making 2016 your best year yet.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk

Hurry to book your place because there are only 4 places and this offer is going to over 1600 people. 🙂

2. Wednesday 18th May 2016 Business Growth Coaching Programme 

I’ve teamed up with business consultant Tim Gale and we’ll be launching our 12th Business Growth Programme on Wednesday 18th May at 4.30pm. If you live in the Cambridgeshire or Suffolk area and you’re interested in growing your business this year, in the run up to the launch we’d like to offer you a free Double Your Profits Strategy Session. In this session, we’ll discuss where your business is now and where you’d like it to be in 1 to 5 years’ time. We’ll share with you how we think you could achieve the lifestyle and business you really want.

To apply for your free Double Your Profits Strategy session, click here.

 

Quote of the Week about Communication and Misunderstandings

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” George Bernard Shaw

 

Useful Links

"I've just read Madeleine's 'The Success Ladder' over the weekend. What a great easy and effective guide for any aspiring leader. It's very easy to read and most importantly the actions are very powerful which I've already started to implement. Thank you Madeleine and I look forward to sharing my success with you :-)" Adrian Peck

 

 

 

 

 

5Mar/160

How Coaching Can Help You Succeed with Confidence: Confidence Tip 145

Life Coaching and Confidence Coaching

The Power of a Coach and Coaching to Help You Succeed Faster, More Easily and More Confidently

The other day I met a manager of his own business and team who was telling me how he was struggling to grow his business.

He had gone into business because he enjoyed what he did and he wanted to be his own boss. But…his enthusiasm for it was quickly draining away. Money, time and team issues were just some of the things he was struggling with.

Out of curiosity, I asked him how much training and coaching he had invested in to help him understand how to build a business and manage his team. He replied that he’d had no training or coaching.

“Aah,” I said. You’re paying ‘Ignorance Tax’!

“What’s ‘Ignorance Tax’?” he asked curiously. (No, he didn’t punch me in the face for being so direct.

I replied, “Basically, ‘Ignorance Tax’ is the cost to you of not knowing something.

 For instance, it could be the:

  • difference between what money you’re earning and what you

            could be earning

  • extra time it takes you to succeed because you’ve decided to learn from your mistakes rather than getting training and coaching
  • extra frustration, stress and energy you’ve had to spend learning things the hard way.

“And you’re not alone,” I reassured him.

It’s odd the way we recognise the need to get qualifications for what we do as a trade or profession and yet attempt some of the other important things in life as amateurs and expect to get great resultsisn’t it?

For instance, have you ever:

  • Got into personal relationships (dating, marriage, parenthood) without relationship training beyond what you’ve discovered haphazardly from your family and friends etc.?
  • Delivered important presentations without presentation skills training?
  • Tried to become more confident without knowing how your mind and emotions work?
  • Become a manager without training in how to bring the best out in a team?
  • Or…?

If so, what level of ‘Ignorance Tax’ has that cost you in time, money and stress?

This Week’s Action Step

Remember‘Life’s too short to learn from all your mistakes.’Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to identify where a lack of training or coaching is costing you too much ‘Ignorance Tax’ and take steps to avoid paying it. Below are a few ideas.

I’d like to offer you a free, confidential ‘Best Year Yet’ Coaching Discovery Session

I have 4 sessions to give away in March. 

During that 45-60 minute session:

  • We’ll discuss where you are with your personal, career or business life.
  • We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success.
  • We’ll get clear about how you’d like your life to be.
  • Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and confident about making 2016 your best year yet.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.uk

Hurry to book your place because there are only 4 places and this offer is going to over 1600 people.

Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UK

Warm wishes

Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Dates for Your Diary and ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

 

Dates for Your Diary

  1. Wednesday 18th May 2016 Business Growth Coaching Programme

I’ve teamed up with business consultant, Tim Gale, and we’ll be launching our 12th Business Growth Programme on Wednesday 18th May at 4.30 p.m. If you live in the Cambridgeshire or Suffolk area and you’re interested in growing your business this year, in the run up to the launch we’d like to offer you a free Double Your Profits Strategy Session. In this session, we’ll discuss where your business is now and where you’d like it to be in 1 to 5 years’ time. We’ll share with you how we think you could achieve the lifestyle and business you really want.

To apply for your free Double Your Profits Strategy session, click here.

Useful Links

Link to previous blog entry : How to Achieve your Business Goals: Business Success Tips 144

Free Life Wheel to help you get clear about your challenges and goals

Free ebook – The Success Ladder: How to Succeed at Any Goal

Free report on 21 ways to add 100k to you

29Jan/160

How to Achieve Your Goals: Confidence Tip 144

Life and Business Coaching for Managers

2 Top Tips for Achieving Any Personal Goal, Career Goal or Business Goal

It’s tempting to think that because the New Year has happened, that the new you, new career or new business goals will happen too. More than any other time of the year, it feels like the opportunity for a fresh start and a positive beginning.

Yet research shows that those New Year Goals rarely happen. So, why is it so difficult for us to make those new personal goals, career goals or business goals happen and how can we make sure that our lives are more rewarding in 2016?

In this email I’ve got 2 more tips for you that will help you achieve more in 2016. For the previous 5 tips, check out my blog.

Recently, I saw this quotation which sums up the reality. “What the New Year brings to you will depend a great deal on what you bring to the New Year.” Vern McLellan.

  1. So...was your obstacle that you did the same old thing and expected a different result? For example:
  • Did you fill up your life with old activities, relationships, tasks, habits and thoughts etc. and leave very little room for the new and no time to work towards your goals? Remember, what got you to here won’t get you to there.
  • What new actions, activities, thoughts and ways of relating do you need in order to get where you want to go in 2016?
  • For instance, do you need to stop procrastinating, becoming discouraged/depressed, comfort eating, wasting time, fire-fighting, doubting, arguing, giving up, and doing other things that don’t work for you?
  • Do you need to start learning better ways to get to your goals, growing, looking after yourself better, asking curious questions, working smarter rather than harder, promoting yourself better, finding more positive people to mix with, thinking outside the box, etc.?
  1. Was your obstacle that you didn’t have someone to hold you accountable?
    • Promises to ourselves are easy to break…and New Year Resolutions are the easiest to give up on for all the reasons we’ve talked about over the last 3 weeks.  
    • It’s easier to keep to our goals if we commit to them publicly by telling our coach, friends, colleagues, clients and family members what we’re going to do.
    • Change can be difficult and so you are more likely to succeed with a life coach and/or business coach because a coach is skilled at helping you:

                                          i.    stay on track in a supportive way and determined way

                                         ii.    overcome obstacles

                                        iii.    make life easier and more exciting and

                                        iv.    develop new skills, resources and attitudes that make you more successful

So, which of the 7 obstacles applied to you and what do you want to change? If it’s number 7, I’ve got a suggestion for you…

I’d like to offer you a free, confidential ‘Best Year Yet’ Coaching Discovery Session

I have 7 sessions to give away in February.

During that 45-60 minute session,

  • We’ll discuss where you are with your personal, career or business life.
  • We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success.
  • We’ll get clear about how you’d like your life to be.
  • Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and confident about making 2016 your best year yet.

If you would like to apply for a session, just email me:madeleine@growu.co.uk

Hurry to book your place because there are only 7 places left and this offer is going to over 1600 people 


‘Madeleine Morgan Life, Career and Business Coaching, Cambridge UK

Warm wishes 

Madeleine

P.S. Check out the Dates for Your Diary, Quote of the Week, ‘Useful Links’ to life changing free ‘stuff’ below.

Dates for Your Diary

  1. Wednesday 6th April 2016 Business Growth Coaching Programme

I’ve teamed up with business consultant, Tim Gale, and we’ll be launching our 12th Business Growth Programme on Wednesday April 6th at 4.30 p.m. If you live in the Cambridgeshire or Suffolk area and you’re interested in growing your business this year, in the run up to the launch we’d like to offer you a free Double Your Profits Strategy Session. In this session, we’ll discuss where your business is now and where you’d like it to be in 1 to 5 years’ time. We’ll share with you how we think you could achieve the lifestyle and business you really want.

To apply for your free Double Your Profits Strategy session, click here.

Useful Links

How to Achieve your Goals: Success for Manager's Tip 143

Free Life Wheel to help you get clear about your challenges and goals

Free ebook – The Success Ladder: How to Succeed at Any Goal

"I've just read Madeleine's 'The Success Ladder' over the weekend. What a great easy and effective guide for any aspiring leader. It's very easy to read and most importantly the actions are very powerful which I've already started to implement. Thank you Madeleine and I look forward to sharing my success with you :-)" Adrian Peck

Free report on 21 ways to add 100k to your profits

7 Secrets About Personal and Business Success You Can Learn From SCUBA Diving

Quote of the Week

“Make New Year's goals. Dig within, and discover what you would like to have happen in your life this year. This helps you do your part. It is an affirmation that you're interested in fully living life in the year to come…What would you like to have happen in your life this year? What would you like to do, to accomplish? What good would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you? What blocks, or character defects, would you like to have removed? What would you like to attain? Little things and big things? Where would you like to go? What would you like to have happen in friendship and love? What would you like to have happen in your family life?

What problems would you like to see solved? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to happen in your career?

Write it down. Take a piece of paper, a few hours of your time, and write it all down - as an affirmation of you, your life, and your ability to choose.

The New Year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.” Melody Beattie

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